Kawata
by 3-points-P
Summary: very...very AU X-ish fic. a game between Subaru and Seishirou could set Subaru free, or entangle him further in the Sakura branches. SxS, and SxK.... cause I'm evil like that ^_^
1. Prologue

Title: Kawata  
Pairings: Seishirou/Subaru Subaru/Kamui (although slightly more K+S..)  
SDA...  
Notes: Couple of quick things, first the title. The Kawata were (and in many cases still are) the lowest rung on the Japanese class system formed in the Tokugawa period. To put it briefly, they are people who's professions deal with death and blood. Undertakers, butchers, people who worked with animal hides, and for a period hunters... you get the point. They were considered impure according to Shintoism because of their work and thus were/are strongly prejudiced against. They are also called Burakumin and Eta (more of a slur), but they refer to themselves as "Kawata" and I believe that translates to "Leather worker". Kawata historically were not allowed to even live inside the village, they were always isolated, only fit to associate with each other useless in business . Somehow... I've always thought this was a fitting title for Seishirou.

Second, I've written this story in a non-linear narrative style. Which mean rather than proceeding beginning --- middle ---- end the time line jumps back and forth between different parts of the past. Flashbacks, flashback in flashbacks... you get the drift. And although this does tend to make the story more difficult to read, it gives me a lot more flexibility with the style (hey I was reading Silko for class when I started writing this... deal ). Concisely there are three periods of Subaru's life playing out at the same time 1) post TB conflict with Seishirou... 2) experiences with Kamui before the narrator meets them.. and 3) experiences after the narrator.

Lastly, this is an AU Xish fic, which means... everything in TB happened, but X's story will never occur.

--------------------

Subaru told me, as I heard his account for the first time, that it was best to let the story flourish in fiction. "Hold people to the facts," he said. "And the story will never change."

"History's interpretation changes with age and the shifts in power, fiction is timeless. Fiction is something untouchable and unconscious. You learn better from the fairy tales you heard as a child then you do from the experiences of people in the past."  
----------------

The wind swept through his hair, blowing glossy black strands into the air until they danced in a soft romantic swaying motion. He closed his eyes, inhaling the breeze and tasting the scent of blood in his nostrils.

He glanced at his watch, as if it could tell him that nine years had past since the sakura petals had been carried on this wind.

"You're late," he murmured

"Am I?" was the amused response. A low foggy voice that could either have come from that wind or his head, he wasn't sure. "Were you expecting me?"

"For nine years, you're nine years late."

A mist of smoke mated quickly with the other scents in the air, nullifying them. It was a dry, decaying smell of cigarettes that muted the air, canceling out the lively scent of bloody sakura. It also made Subaru's nerves twitch, when was the last time he had a cigarette? He'd been trying to quit for months.

"Point taken," Seishirou smiled. He looked ... bored.

In the distance a baby made a needy cry and Subaru's hand clenched up at a sound that he had hoped would be too far away to hear.

But it appeared he could never put enough distance between himself and the Sakurazukamori.

"The 14th Sumeragi head I presume?" Seishirou asked. Taking a drag from his cigarette because it didn't matter to either one of them who the child was.

"No, there will never be a 14th," Subaru said. "She's just my daughter."

"Oh?" he mocked injury. "It thought you were saving yourself for me Subaru-kun."

Subaru frowned, but said nothing.

"Her name is Hokuto isn't it?"

"Okaru," Subaru corrected.

Seishirou seemed slightly disappointed at being wrong, but brushed it off quickly. In truth Subaru's first thought had been to name his daughter Hokuto, but it struck him later as bad idea. He shouldn't mix his loved ones together, else resign his daughter over to the same fate or worse doom her to be an ill-suited replacement for his sister. No, his child should be given her own name. His child should not become entrapped as Subaru had been, she should be free.

"I'm sure she's a beautiful child, very cute ... like her father," Seishirou grinned.

Subaru hated that grin, the way the edge of Seishirou's canine teeth grazed the back of his lower lip forced him to remember that Seishirou crimes were not done out of passion, but out of nature. He frowned, passion he could have understood. To be a natural born killer on the other hand...

"Oh you have nothing to worry about Subaru-kun, I love beautiful things. But she does sound like a most uninteresting child, doesn't have the power to be follow in your footsteps hmm?"

For one brilliant flash of irony, Subaru smiled at those choice of words. _Thank God for some blessings_. "There will be no 14th, because one will not be needed."

The words were understood as he knew only Seishirou could understand them. The Sumeragi and the Sakurazuka, the embodiments of good and evil, had been balancing each other for centuries. The blackness of yin permanently entangled in the whiteness of yang. Forces of the strongest marriage, a marriage that no human ritual or ceremony could rival.

And there would be no Sakurazukamori after Seishirou. It wasn't so much a choice he had made as it was a detail he had never gotten around to thinking through.

Regardless, without the Sakurazukamori the Sumeragi were just ancient relics of Japan's powerful magic. There was always work to be done, always people with spiritual troubles to call upon an onmyouji , but without a Sakurazukamori was there any reason to have a head? The strong spiritual guidance was the counteract the only ones who had enough power to defy their ancient laws about the magickal arts. When they were no longer there to fight, what was the point?

Seishirou smiled sadly, an emotion that appeared sincere to Subaru... although he had never been able to tell with Seishirou. "Does Okaru-chan know her 'tosan's not coming back?"

"Iie, she's young enough to forget."

Seishirou's eyes narrowed slightly, he smirked again, "or will you make her forget?"

They had spent far too much time of this topic, Subaru realized with irritation. "Why are you here?"

With a graceful smile Seishirou waved his hand aloofly, almost as if brushing away a nuisance. "Maybe I'm here to kill you and your family."

Subaru surprised even himself when he laughed at the prospect. "I doubt that, you wouldn't have let me know you were coming then. You're approaching presence wouldn't have woken me in the night with anticipation like my life was finally beginning. That this ... was only a warm up..."

"My how poetic you are Subaru-kun."  
--------------

"The warm times are coming," Subaru murmured as he raised his mug to his lips and drank the warm bitter tea Rocky had prepared. The slight winged boy was really quite clumsy in enclosed spaces. Despite all his grace and agility in flight, he simply could not make tea without knocking over things.

"Ah, it's spring time Subaru-dono," I replied quietly. No cup of tea was offered to me, Rocky snorted at the idea.

That creature was usually snappish on this night. Stubborn and stumbling around like some wounded animal, his black dragonlike wings folded neatly on his back ... twitching nervously.

Rocky picked up Subaru's eggshell colored coat from where it had been haphazardly discarded. He folded it neatly over the back of the armchair and flinched with guilt as the speckles of brown dried blood came into view.

His wings twitched nervously, wanting desperately to retract back into their blanket of human skin.

Had he the space to, he would have paced. Instead he settled on that jacket, folding it and refolding it as if neatness could erase the injury he felt responsible for.

My glance shifted across the room to the winged abomination and wondered why Subaru didn't say something to ease the boy's ridiculous sense of guilt.

"Aa.. no I didn't mean that," Subaru gave me a look I later realized of his version of a smile, although at the time I didn't recognize it as such. It was so faded and worn that except for the small feeling of warmth I felt, I barely recognized the change in his features. He changed the subject quickly, "What exactly is it you do?"

"I record stories," I answered quickly, far too accustomed to this question. Everyone wants to know why I ask him about his life. Everyone wonders about what make his life worth recording, let alone listening to. But not Subaru, Subaru seemed to accept this answer without even a flutter of confusion.

"Is it him or me you want?"

The question startled me, so abrupt and clear. Although it was not entirely unreasonable either. For a man who had spent his entire life being owned by one force or another, it was a desperate but necessary question.

"Both of you," I answered, adding quickly. "Normally I wouldn't ask this of one of my sources, we reflect on our own lives the best, but..."

"You can't have it otherwise," Subaru observed, slightly amused. After years of being owned ... he had just a tiny part of something else that he owned. As much as he might of hated it.

I didn't understand why Rocky was being so damn obsessive about the incident. Battles, even small scale scruffs like the one that had past that night, always had injury of some kind. the stab wound in Subaru's arm was deep enough to cause the man to flinch when he moved it, but quite insignificant as wounds go. At my young age, I had seen much worse.

Still the boy had insisted on bandaging Subaru's arm, nearly throwing a fit at the mere idea of Subaru tending to the wound himself. It was much easier, Rocky reasoned, for him to do it since he would be able to use both hands.

This much was true and the boy was granted the luxury to fuss.

And fuss he did, I remember thinking with no small amount of annoyance.

"Oh I can have it, ghost stories and fables... but not the truth."

Rocky twitched again and approached timidly. He settled himself down next to Subaru on the couch and curled up like an animal, laying on his side with one sleek black wing folded on his back, his legs curled up close to his chest and his second wing wrapped lazily around his shoulder like a blanket.

Subaru moved his hand and ruffled the boy's smoky gray hair reassuringly before he nodded to my statement. "That's true I suppose, although..."

He grinned for real this time.

"You'll only create more ghost stories and fables. Because you can't catch the truth. The truth always changes."

I was puzzled by this, and I wonder sometimes if I still am. "It changes? The truth, the facts?"

"No," Subaru admitted. "But their context does... and that can change the entire story can't it? When you try to cut off a piece of something as alive as a human consciousness-- the thoughts and situations that made a person act--... try to freeze it in story, you create pressure between the outside world interpreting the story and the time and place where the story occurs. When the pressure becomes to great it can reshape it's container..."

Subaru ran the tip of his finger over the hard bony ridge of Rocky's extended wing. Rocky shivered under the touch. "You may end up with an entirely different story years from now."

"I willing to take that risk, I feel this is a story where the need to be told outweighs any cultural threats."

"Ah, but maybe I'm not..." Subaru regarded quietly.

"And afraid I don't understand you at all Subaru-dono."

"Of course you don't," Rocky grumbled.

I had thought the boy was asleep.

"Hush now," Subaru soothed with a ghost of a gentle smile sliding across his lips. "I'm saying that, this story is of great importance to me..."

"Well it is your story after all."

"And maybe I want to make sure that it's original meaning is always preserved. The moral inclinations of the people sway. Who knows, perhaps one day people will say that I deserved all the hardship that came my way? You want to make me a hero in your factual fairy tale ... never accounting for whether or not everyone will see me as the hero of this grand story.

"Still ... it's probably a story that needs to be told."

"If only for yourself," I agreed quietly.   
Okay so yeah the was evilly short


	2. Chapter 1

Subaru returned with Seishirou to Tokyo that night. He didn't pack anything, it seemed to be understood that he would be provided for in Tokyo. And even if Seishirou didn't intend on dressing his beloved prey, there was enough family money to look after him. 

His daughter and wife both knew in their own way that this day would come. His wife, well she was a good woman and an excellent wife. A soft spoken, traditional Japanese woman; always obedient yet stubborn in her own ways. She ran a good home, he remembered, so good that he sometimes felt like a guest in it. She was kind, and that's what allowed Subaru to tolerate the situation. Her kindness made him believe that even if she didn't know the details, she understood him well enough not to question the choices he had to make.

The marriage had been arranged years ago, Subaru had only resigned himself to it recently. Time passes quickly when you're not observing it, if he had to wait to confront Seishirou he might as well do something. A masquerade of family seemed as good as anything else at the time, since anyone who married to the Sumeragi family had to understand that work came first.

She seemed to know, perhaps in the way he touched her at night and the way he looked at her, that he was not hers, that he would never be. She did not resent this, only accepted it for the truth it was. Subaru belonged to another.

His daughter, well she was bright for her age and knew well enough that the distance he put between himself and her meant that she should not grow attached. Of course she was too young to understand the details, only that there was something not right with this one called "father". That he did not belong in their family.

Waiting...

Waiting for the sakura laden breeze to sweep away this misplaced item and take it back to where it belonged.

They had been wonderful shelter, Subaru thought as he rode the train through the country side, wonderful shelter. There had been times, few and fleeting, where he forgot who he was and was happy if only for a few seconds. Those seconds he was grateful for, and his family accepted this too and never asked for anything in return.

He knew that he would never seen them again. He knew that death waited for him in Tokyo, with her impressive blossoms blooming out of season. And he knew that if some impossibility occurred and he survived this end, that he would be unworthy of their company.

He had no plan. He glanced at Seishirou, the other man smiling contentedly like nothing in the world was particularly important at the moment, and wondered briefly if he had a plan. And if so, how long had he had it?

As if on command Seishirou's hand fell on Subaru's , squeezing gently. "Don't worry you'll be free soon enough."

Subaru puzzled over the words  
--------------------

When Subaru first encountered Rocky he was but a shadow of a boy. At his age, he should have been running and playing with the other children, creating mischief instead of doing chores and whatnot. But an unusual predicament had stolen that ability from the boy and locked him inside his own home.

It were those dark purple eyes that drew Subaru's attention for the very first time. The call of those eyes that caused him to look up suddenly from the alley way and spot the boy in the window watching him from his room a floor up. For Rocky there wasn't anything especially unusual about this, he watched people from that window all the time. Nothing was strikingly different about Subaru than any other traveler.

It was Subaru who could not overthrow the mysterious feeling drawing him down. He had other matters much more important that should have distracted him, but yet those eyes quieted any plans he had circulating in his mind.

Still, after that first glance they did not meet again until the next time Subaru was passing through that small, almost rural area of Japan. Months had passed... Subaru had long forgotten the curious look in the boy's eyes. He had long forgotten about the boy himself. He had too many worries to be concerned.

It was a friend of the family that brought them together again.

He was infringing on the hospitality of a local onmyouji at the time. As a Sumeragi he was provided for where ever he went, the perks of connections he supposed. This particular family could only offer a room from which to rest a few nights and a good, though humble, meal and they apologized profusely for it. But Subaru preferred it this way, if he had to accept this things to avoid offense he'd rather they be humble.

His Grandmother would kill him if he refused a local onmyouji's hospitality, terrible manners she would say. Even if Subaru would much prefer a room at the local inn where he could be alone with his thoughts.

He liked this family, they rarely if ever infringed on his solitude. There was an unspoken understanding between them about such things.

"He needs a doctor," the voice of his host insisted angrily. It shook Subaru from his thoughts and left him staring at the door that separately him from the matters going on in the next room.

There were a low, respectful murmur in reply. And words spoken so muffled by the door that Subaru could not make them out.

"Don't come here again," the onmyouji insisted. "There's nothing I can do about it."

By that time Subaru had already reached the door and began to open it gracefully. He tried his best to appear calm and curious least humiliate his host with the impression Subaru had been disturbed.

The onmyouji gasped anyway, "Sumeragi-san! I'm terribly sorry for waking you."

Subaru glanced at the window, he hadn't realized how late it had gotten. "No matter, I wasn't asleep."

He desperately hated the almost intense reverence from others his family name forced upon him. And suddenly he longed for an escape, any escape, for the moment. Even a wild goose chase.

Especially a wild goose chase.

"What's the problem?" he asked the other man, who he would later learn was the local doctor.

"A child with a bad bout of illness, I was asking Tsukino-san to take a look at him."

Tsukino-san, his host, sighed irritably and looked as if he was preparing to say some to response when Subaru cut him off gracefully. "And you think it may have a spiritual cause?"

The doctor hesitated for a moment before shaking his head solemnly. "I don't know enough to say one way or another, but he won't respond to any kind of treatment."

That did sound like something for an onmyouji to look into. Subaru turned to his host and to the best of his ability managed to sound kind and respectful when he asked, "so what's the problem?"

"I've looked at him before," Tsukino-san responded with irritation.

"This has happened before? The same child?"

"Several times."

"And?"

The doctor spoke up, "the boy recovers for a brief period and then falls ill again."

Subaru raised an eyebrow, passing a questioning glance at him fellow onmyouji for an explanation. Tsukino-san sighed heavily and with sympathy laden eyes-- ones that seemed to scream 'you see what I have to put up with?'-- he elaborated. "I go, find no spiritual presence, the boy shows no signs of psychological trauma, so I cleanse him and the room."

He cast a snide look at the doctor and with much venom in his voice added, "some children are just sickly."

That was true, some children were just prone to constant illness. Still it was something to that Subaru's mind off of his privileged brooding. When he was working, alone in a room with his patient, he was no longer 'Sumeragi-san' and he didn't have to deal with all the ridiculous courtesies that came along with that title.

"Tsukino-san, would you mind terribly of I took a look at the boy?"

In truth he had the authority to do it regardless of the onmyouji's thoughts, but he had learned from his Grandmother that it was bad form to flaunt one's authority.

Tsukino-san gave an offended snort, almost to say 'I know what I'm doing even if I'm not a Sumeragi..." and Subaru quickly amended his statement. "I once had an interest in the medical sciences. Allow me to indulge my curiosity."  
------------------

"Seishirou-san what exactly are we doing?"

Seishirou frowned a bit, "we're dating."

"Yes I understand that, why?"

"Well who could resist someone as cute as you?"

Subaru scowled, which he suspected only heightened Seishirou's pleasure in teasing him. "I'm serious, why are we dating?"

"Well what do you think we should be doing?"

Subaru shrugged, "well being mortal enemies and the heirs to feuding families... perhaps ... trying to kill one another?"

Seishirou smiled and wrapped his arm around Subaru's shoulder, guiding him firmly down the street toward their destination. "Well that's hardly fair for you, you're not a fighter."

Subaru snorted and pushed away a little, "I've changed since--"

"Don't take it so personally Subaru-kun, all I'm saying is that fighting and death are my field of expertise. You as a Sumeragi are of unfamiliar soil. You're the good, the light, the truth ... if we battle then you will always be inferior to me, because it's not your nature. You shouldn't be fighting like that anyway. Why try to use my weapons? Aren't they better suited for me?"

"And dating ... this is what? My battle field?"

"Exactly, sharp as usual Subaru-kun. Death, conflict, pain, violence... it's antithesis are Life, peace, healing, love..."

"Are you saying you want me to seduce you?"

Seishirou looked hurt, "you make it sound like such a horrible thing. Don't you think I'm sexy Subaru-kun?"

With a surprised twitch a harsh blush flooded Subaru's face and his frown deepened. "I have no interest in seducing you Seishirou-san," he replied coldly, swallowing whatever was fluttering in the back of his throat.

"Aa but you love me don't you?"

"Not anymore."

Seishirou smiled politely, as if humoring Subaru, "So you say."

"And it's not true?"

"Not at all. It's not in your nature not to love. When I met you, you were my perfect opposite. And even with the blood of that young girl on my hands and her limp body below me you had only love to give ... love and slight curiosity. Why should things have changed?"

"Well there is the small matter of my sister," Subaru hissed coldly.

"Nonsense, I don't believe you're the type of person that reserves a special love for family. Too much empathy in you, you probably loved that first girl just as much you did your own biological sister."

"Even if that's true ... there are some people who do not deserve to be loved."

"Such a silly thing to say my dearest Subaru," Seishirou smiled tenderly at him. Subaru wondered which of Seishirou's many smiles were real and which not. It was too easy to assume that they were all false, but Subaru did not honestly believe it. "I don't mind if you want to insult me, but at least say things you actually believe."  
-------------------

"He's a totally malicious person, I don't trust him ... what kind of person goes around asking about the Sakurazukamori?"

"He's a historian, he's just recording accounts."

"Who wants to glorify the Sakurazukamori? Who wants to remember him? Memorialize a serial killer--"

"Assassin," Subaru corrected.

Rocky scowled at the attention Subaru gave to such details. Seishirou didn't kill for pleasure, only to serve that damn tree ... it was true, but it wasn't like it made any difference in the end. There was still more blood on his hands than in his veins. To Rocky it made no difference.

"Whatever," he snapped. "Why do you trust this guy huh? Maybe he is the Sakurazukamori!"

Subaru chuckled and rubbed Rocky's head tenderly. "That's not possible."

"You don't know that," Rocky hissed. His anger was building with each word as he knew no matter what he said, no matter how logical his argument was, he could not win. "Master of illusion right? And he fooled you once before--"

Subaru's eyes cut him off sharply. The message was clear, that was enough out of him. Rocky was not use to such harsh looks from the Sumeragi. It was as effective as a slap in the face.

But it was gone before Rocky could feel guilty for it.

"It's not possible," Subaru assured gently. "Because the Sakurazukamori isn't just anyone, there's a system to it."

"As soon as he shows up, Subaru, a malignant spirit attacks us, what the hell is he then?"

"That had nothing to do with him, it was entirely my fault."  
--------------

The Sumeragi head occupied most of my time while in Tokyo. Although Tokyo is a beautiful city and I had always longed to see it, once I had learned of the hidden trails of blood-- the stalk of the Sakurazukamori-- I could never resign myself to casual sightseeing. Subaru wove a tale that captured my imagination. I wondered whenever I found myself alone in the streets, what battles had been fought here? Was Seishirou-san really the last Sakurazukamori? Perhaps he was lurking in the dark streets all along

Most of my thoughts focused around getting to Subaru-dono to hear more of this amazing story. His loss, his suffering, his ill fated love for his Seishirou-san ... it was all fascinating in a terrible way.

I would arrive as early as I could without infringing or being rude, and stay for as long as I was permitted-- this was sometimes well into the night. It was not Subaru who would finally force me to leave, it was his highly irritable winged companion, who was rarely if ever absent, and who obviously did not appreciate my company.

At first I assumed that it was a story telling that bothered Rocky so much. He was overprotective to a fault, and these were extremely painful memories for Subaru. I foolishly assumed that he resented Subaru's sense of peace being disturbed. This was only half true. I didn't realize that he also felt threatened by it.

As I walked towards Subaru's modest apartment, I notice among the seas of people scurrying around Tokyo, a boy who reminded me of the little winged pest. Indeed he did look quiet a bit like Rocky, smoky gray hair with those curious stray silver hairs, pale skin and violet eyes. The resemblance was incredible, except of course for the absence of one very important detail.

This boy was wingless.

It wasn't until by chance the boy looked my way, and a flash of cold recognition skimmed across the surface of his eyes that I realized that it **was** Rocky. An impossible Rocky, but then... there he was.

Right to the middle of the street.

The boy scowled immediately and seemed to be torn between stopping to let me catch up and walking on like he had not seen me.

After many glanced back and a few hesitations, his conclusion was to slow his pace a bit and let me decide if we were to meet.

I ran after him.

"My God," I whispered. "What on Earth happened?"

The boy was clad in an average pair of jeans, his usual style of shirt and a worn and abused leather jacket. It was good for him, being a rather frail looking in begin with, that the jacket disguised the certain uniqueness of his clothes. For you see, the shirts that Rocky wore were quite necessary considering his ... _features_, but decidedly odd for a young boy to walk around in. Unless that young boy was looking for a great deal of trouble that is.

Rocky's shirt's were both sleeveless and backless. This particular one had a high collar that tied around his neck, and another tie that went around the small of his back. With the jacket it looked like a normal turtleneck, once it was off however ... well ... it was quite an unusual thing for a young boy to be wearing.

Unless that boy had a wingspan of 3.5 meters of course, then it made perfect sense.

"What are you talking about?" Rocky asked coldly.

"Your wings, they're gone!"

Rocky's customary frown deepen and he muttered, "idiot," under his breath before shaking off his jacket and exposing his back.

I was baffled, the long elegant wings were completely gone. The impressive dark peaks that towered a good foot over Rocky's head could never be tucked under a jacket. They were truly gone.

And in their place was the most remarkable thing. Rocky back bore no scars, no bloody wounds or other marks that would explain things should the wings have been violently ripped off him. Smooth, tender, untouched skin, not a single imperfection on it.

There were however smooth brown lines running and curving along his shoulders blades. They formed the image of a pairing of wings, but the tattoo looked quite different from Rocky's actual wings. It was not a tattoo of Rocky's black dragonlike appendages, they were the feathered delicate looking wings, like a dove's.

Finally I ran my fingers across the most disturbing part of it. A thick bony ridge that run adjacent to his shoulders, indeed ... embedded in them.

I flinched, "You mean they? Ouch that must hurt."

"Not really," Rocky shrugged. Disinterested he slid the tanned animal hide back over his shoulders.

"How do they ... how exactly does something that big fit..." I was having a substantial amount of trouble thinking through exactly how I wanted my question to sound. I trailed off unsteadily.

Rocky sneered, "Don't you know anything about magick?"

"My mother taught me anything was possible if you were strong enough to manifest it, she didn't care for specifics."

"Of course not, what is someone like you doing bothering onmyouji? Asking them to tell such intimate stories that you don't even understand."

"Subaru-dono's words confuse me," I admitted. "Even though I know he puts so much energy into being expressive about things."

"You're too stupid and small to understand the greatness he talks about."

"Do you understand it?"

"I understand that people don't need to hear this story you want. That nothing will change if they know about the Sakurazukamori."

"Do you think Subaru-dono believes that?"

"I think he's telling this story for his own reasons. And that's all I need to know."

"What's ... what's your relationship with him anyway? You two don't seem to as those related by blood would." _You act more like his pet, an inferior companion,_ I thought. Obviously I would not have risked voicing this. It was hard to tell how Rocky would have reacted to such an observation. It was clearly offensive, but Rocky seemed to relish in his subservience. So much so that I had for sometime been under the impression that he was a servant of some kind.

But he certainly didn't act like a servant. He referred to Subaru-dono simply as "Subaru" never using any kind of formality, even around me. He was also extremely argumentative, stubborn, pushy ... if he was a servant, he was a terrible brat.

"We're not related at all."

"Then ... you're friends?"

"No, I don't imagine we are."

I was quickly running out of possibilities that I felt comfortable expressing. If I was right it would only be embarrassing, if I was wrong it would be horribly rude. "Well ... why do you live with him?"

"I don't always," Rocky corrected, no longer paying much if any attention to the answers he gave me. "I stay when he lets me stay."

The situation was making me ever more uncomfortable. I wanted to ask all the obvious and prying questions and get it over with. "How did you meet?"

"He gave me my wings."

I did not have to prod, he gave up the story on his own. "I was a very sickly child, falling into illness after illness, never fully recovering, not responding to treatment any kind. Subaru told me that I was holding too much inside myself. Strong emotions, and power were not being allowed to surface and flow naturally. It was putting stress on my body, making me frail and prone to illness.

"But ... I wanted never to let go of her."


	3. Chapter 2

"Subaru?" 

Silence.

The room was fill with a thick blackness that shutout even the slightest of sounds. The tray resting on Rocky's left hand trembled a little as he tried to balance it while holding Subaru's door open. "Subaru?" he asked again.

Subaru had been in his room for three days straight. The door was never locked, but before that point Rocky had been afraid to even walk passed it. Somehow realizing that Subaru hadn't eaten in three days gave him strength enough intrude upon the Sumeragi's grieving.

"Go away,"

The voice was frail and cold and it gave Rocky even more courage. Subaru needed him ... well not him specifically. Subaru needed someone and Rocky hoped beyond hope that he could fill in just a little for whoever would have done the best in this position.

"I brought you some soup, you should eat something."

He said it like it justified everything. Everything that lied in the immeasurable distance now between them. He knew Subaru had secrets. He knew that Subaru was not just traveling because of his duty as the head of the Sumeragi. He knew that there was something stalking them. He had felt it several times before...

But he had thought...

He had thought that whatever it was Subaru would be able to beat it, because Subaru never seemed concerned about that darkness always following them-- like mud on the edge of his white coat.

"He's dead," was Subaru's response.

"I know, I saw it," Rocky said softly. "I know he meant a lot to you Subaru--"

Subaru made a dry cracking sound in the back of his throat, and Rocky regretted the stupidity of being considerate. "I brought soup," he repeated

"My god..." Subaru words were mumbled and said to himself alone. They were delivered with familiarity as if he had said them many times before and Rocky presence had barely caused a pause in this ritual. "It's my fault... If I had..."

"It not your fault," Rocky began softly.

"If I hadn't..."

"Subaru, he.."

"Now he's dead and it's my--"

"Subaru..." Rocky reached out helplessly.

"I should have--"

"He deserved to die!" Rocky snapped.

If nothing else had touched Subaru, that did. His head shot up, eyes focusing and seeing Rocky for the first time. Angry, hurt, possibly betrayed eyes.

"He deserved it," Rocky insisted. He had Subaru's attention now, he would not let it go. He would not let him go. "He was the most evil, horrible person ever! This was coming his way for a long time. He deserved it Subaru, it had nothing to do with you."

Subaru's vision sank back of the hardwood floor with a heavy sigh. "He was pure."

Rocky blinked, "Subaru..."

"He was, despite what you think ... that's the truth. That's the truth that killed me as a child, because I couldn't understand it. The conjunction of everything I had been taught was wrong, and evil ... everything I was suppose to prevent as a Sumeragi... And..."

"And? And what Subaru? How can you see good in someone like that?"

Subaru looked up once again, his eyes clear and serious, the shakiness had left. He seemed calm for the first time. His eyes were firm, so were the words he spoke. "There was goodness in the honesty of it. Purity in its simplicity."

Rocky knew very little about Subaru's relationship with the Sakurazukamori, and he didn't want to know what bonds Seishirou had on Subaru soul. He only wanted to break them. He only wanted Subaru to forget.

Please just forget...

"I can't understand," he mumbled. "But I know now that it's over, and even if you sit here for a year and pinned down exactly what went wrong and who's fault that was, and what should have been done to make everyone happy in the end. That still won't change what happened."

Subaru looked sharply at him, a wound that stung Rocky deeply in his heart. "Are you saying that I shouldn't think about it?"

Rocky shifted nervously, his heart pounding and his hands begging for the door. He was challenging something sacred to Subaru, Subaru who was most important to him. He was risking everything. "At times," he began solemnly. "It's good to reflect upon mistakes, to avoid repeating them. At least ... that's what I was taught. But, there are also times when ... the situation is so complicated that it would have been impossible to do everything perfectly, and so unique that it will never occur exactly again ... then I think ... that nothing good will ever come from obsessing over it."

His back ached as his winged begged to be released. They did that when the pain got so great in his heart that the emotions swelled. He felt that he must keep the skin from breaking. He had to learn to control the bonds, because whenever he got nervous or agitated those dark cumbersome wings forced themselves through.

Subaru pressed his lips together in an almost smile. He rose and hid his face in a curtain of short but dark black hair. "Perhaps you're right... I can't change anything now."

Rocky nodded softly and approached Subaru carefully. "Just accept the situation as it is Subaru-san--"

Rocky gasped softly as one of Subaru's long, slender fingers touched his lower lip gracefully. Subaru was close now, not close enough for his gesture to be intimate, but close enough for Rocky to look up into his cryptic green eyes. "Shhh.." Subaru whispered. "You know I don't like that formality, especially from you."

Rocky's face flushed with heat and he turned his head away quickly. He felt Subaru embrace him and his stomach quivered nervously. Suddenly he felt like he was going to throw up. He knew he should be happy about this affection, but at the same time he knew it wasn't real. Subaru's eyes didn't smile at him like his face did. They were hard and cold. And he knew this tenderness, this hug, was not Subaru pulling him close but rejecting him. Giving him the shadow of affection he desperately wanted from the Sumeragi in order to get rid of his nuisance.

That day, he learned to hate. He hated Seishirou for owning something he was so unworthy of. He hated Seishirou because Subaru gave it willingly to him even now that he was dead.

It was bad enough to know that he would never be as important to Subaru as Subaru was to him ... to have the Sumeragi perform for his sake rubbed bitterness into the wound.  
----------------

"It honestly never occurred to me that he might be as trapped by our relationship as I was. The chains went both ways I suppose."

"Well of course," I said. "When you're chained to something it's also changed to you. It's entirely up to your perspective in the matter."

"Then logically, the more completely you own something... more completely it owns you."

"Perhaps," I considered. "So you're saying that Seishirou-san wanted out?"

"I dunno," Subaru shrugged. "That was the funny thing about us. I was always two steps behind. He gave me every reason to believe that's what he was doing ... but everything went so horribly wrong, I have no idea what his intended outcome was."

"I wish I did," he added with much melancholy, and I decided to change the subject slightly.

"Well... What did he say?"  
----------------

That first night back in Tokyo was the hardest. He had essentially no place to stay, are more accurately... he had no place he **wanted** to say in. There were the countless numbers of onmyouji who would gladly put him up. And of course countless number of hotels and expensive accommodations. But these solutions were not at all appealing to Subaru, who needed some place to put things in perspective.

Seishirou casually suggested he spend the night at his place. A suggestion that he knew Subaru would consider undoubtedly shocking. He flashed the young man a kind, knowing smile and mention yet another unforeseen alternative.

"I know an apartment that will be vacant for sometime now. Very nice place, I think it may suit your needs nicely."

Subaru stared off into space, "I'm sure it is, but it's late and no one would allow a new renter to move in just like that."

"Who said anything about renting? You see, I happen to know that the owner is away and won't be returning for quite sometime. He was a very curious man... no friends or family... about the only thing he owned was that apartment. You're a solitary person, I'm sure the neighbors will think nothing of a nice young man taking care of the place while it's owner is away."

Seishirou reached into his pocket and with a soft clang of metal brushing against metal he withdrew a set of keys. Subaru noted with disgust the soft brown tint on one edge that could so very easily be mistaken for rust. He glared coldly at Seishirou, "your thoroughness never ceases to disturb me."

Seishirou beamed as he pressed the keys into Subaru's unwilling hand, "why thank you Subaru-kun. And there's no reason to get all upset about one man's misfortune, there was nothing you could have done for him ... might as well make the best of it."

Subaru decided not to ask whether Seishirou had killed the man to accommodate him, or whether he had discovered this apartment after the fact. Seishirou was right about one thing, there was nothing he could have done to save a Sakurazukamori's victim. Perhaps it was best not to know whether the blood had been shed for him or not.

He also really didn't want to think of the significance of the gesture. He supposed that in Seishirou's mind this was some bizarre display of affection.

Seishirou smiled politely again, "if they idea bothers you that much Subaru-kun you don't have to accept. But you've traveled a long way and I'm sure your very tired and would like nothing better than to retire for the evening."

Subaru glanced at Seishirou from the corner of his eye.

"So then, spend the night at my unfortunate friend's apartment. You're certainly free to find your own living accommodations. I'm sure my friend will not take it to heart. Treat it as merely a temporary arrangement."

There was a part of Subaru that told him to resist Seishirou at every chance. That he was at a disadvantage, that Seishirou was up to something and it was best not to play into his hands. However, there was also a part of him that knew that he hoped to discover what the Sakurazukamori was planning he had to play along and keep his eyes open.

His hand closed on the keys, feeling the blood of the victim burning his flesh with an insatiable feeling of guilt. But there was nothing his power could do to ease the souls sacrificed to the tree.

"Where is this place?" he asked.

Seishirou smiled, "allow me to escort you there Subaru-kun."  
-----------------

Subaru eyes widen as Seishirou traced a familiar symbol into the soft ground below them, yin and yan. His long arms were slung casually over Subaru's shoulders, a portion of his weight pressing into his counterpart. Subaru could feel the older man's smile graze his ear as Seishirou whispered an explanation. "Two forces, each appear pure, connected, inseparable as they fight for the control neither one of them will ever have."

With a quick flick of wrist the stick stabbed an eye for each piece of the circle. "_Demo_...Despite being complimenting twins, they are not truly balanced until they have a little piece of each other. Until there's some black in the white and some white in the black."

For a brief second Subaru thought he felt Seishirou's lips brush his neck in a ersatz kiss. The small startled flutter in his heart made him regain the coldness he had been acting before. He shrugged Seishirou away violently, a little surprised when the other made no attempt to restrain him.

"Do you want to end this?" Seishirou asked. For once there was no trace of the gentle amused smile Subaru had grown accustomed to. His eyes glared at him sharply, demanded an answer quickly.

Yes, they both wanted to end this. Subaru laughed bitterly at the thought, Seishirou had managed to solipsize his prey but was only just learning that by doing so he also solipsized himself. He had been caught in the web he spun for Subaru as he was pulling Subaru in. They were destined to fight for control forever unless something was done, what was Seishirou purposing?

There was only one way to find out, "Yes"

Seishirou's smile returned, an open and friendly smile that meant to distract just before his predatory strike. "Then," he grabbed Subaru's wrist and pulled himself close enough for his breath to stroke across Subaru's forehead. "You take a piece of me," he forced Subaru's hand up against his chest, ignoring the stiffness in Subaru's arm that resisted the movement. "And I'll take a piece of you," he smiled gently at Subaru, who blinked in confusion before frowning and snapping out a reply.

"I don't want any part of you," he tried to pull his hand away only to find that this time Seishirou held him place.

"Then why are you here?"

Subaru had no answer. Or rather, he had lots of answers but none of them he actually liked. Because he had no where else to be?, because how could he not?, because he had spent a good part of those nine years hunting down this confrontation only to resign himself to wait for it...

Seishirou was not expecting an answer, he let Subaru's wrist slide out of his grasp with haunting fluidity.  
---------------

As soon we had stepped over the threshold the thin veil of calm that was needed to weather the situation shattered. "What the hell was that?" Rocky snapped. He gaze was angry, unmistakably hurt, and focused entirely on Subaru as he shrugged off his cream colored coat with a painful wince.

"A really malignant spirit," Subaru commented smoothly. Some of the blood was still wet and trickled down his skin like fine lines of red string. It was a dramatic contrast against his pale skin, one that agitated Rocky even more.

"That was stupid," he cursed. "That was stupid you could have been killed!"

No reply was necessary, the answer was obvious to even me, Subaru shrugged.

"If you don't want to see any value in your life, fine. But--" he hesitated. "But think about other people... you help so many people. What will happen to them if you just let yourself die?"

Subaru lifted his uninjured arm and patted Rocky softly on the head. "You will be looked after once I'm gone. I've already spoken to my Grandmother about it, you'll be provided for."

Offense flushed into Rocky's eyes. That was a worse blow than any that ghost could have hit him with. He opened his mouth to snap something, but half way through sensed that Subaru was not done speaking.

"As for the others, I can't live forever, and I'll probably be replaced anyway. They'll learn to get by without me."

Subaru wiped off most of the stray blood from his arm, glad that he had worn something sleeveless at the time as it meant only his coat was ruined. He rotated his shoulder slightly, pain evident but not over powering, and turned in the direction of his room.

"You're not going the bandage it?" Rocky grumbled. His head was hanging low, probably to keep the tears filling his eyes from being seen, and his bangs hanging like icicles across his face.

"It's not necessary," Subaru answered.

"It will get infected!" Rocky protested.

"Perhaps, it's of no concern."

This was far too much for the boy, and with a frustrated rage his wings wiped forward sharply, knocking over the small kitchen table and causing the kitchen to rattle with a strong windfall.

Subaru turned slowly, his eyes were firm and cold for the first time. He did not appear to be angry, only momentarily annoyed by Rocky's pesky concern. "I didn't think you were going to throw a temper tantrum about it. I thought you'll grown past that."

Rocky's wing snapped against his back and he determinably walked right up to Subaru. He was a good measure smaller than the onmyouji and could only glare coldly up at him and hope he didn't look pathetically indignant.

He did, but it didn't matter.

"That wound needs to be cleaned and bandaged," he insisted as coldly as he could possibly muster. The tears had withdrawn for now.

Sensing that he would not get any peace until he satisfied the boy, Subaru sighed wearily and agreed. "Fine, fine ... I'll do it right now."

"**I'll** do it," Rocky hissed bitterly. "I can do it better anyhow, I can use both hands."  
----------

Subaru stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He surprised to find that the only light in the room was a faded moon glow cast through that window, which was Rocky only contact with the outside world.

The boy was undisturbed by his entrance, not ignoring him ... aware of his presence but not of his significance. To him Subaru was just a passerby, exactly like before.

It occurred to Subaru then that he did not know the boy's name, he had not thought to ask it. The question was about to slip from his mouth when those eyes-- of such a deep color they seemed as dead as glass-- came to rest on him.

"Where does it hurt?" Subaru asked instead.

The boy shrugged, "I can't eat ... then there's the fever."

This was a very technical truth, he had been vomiting up blood for two days. The fever had come and gone over the course of two weeks. But Subaru knew that it wasn't the truth. There was something else there too, and although it may not be a spiritual problem it was definitely something both the good doctor and Tsukino-san had missed.

"Are you here to fix me?" the boy asked, not at all interested in the question he was asking and probably not the slightest bit curious about the answer.

Subaru shrugged, "no."

The boy aligned his head slightly to the left, a blink revealing a new perplexed glaze on those dead eyes. "Then what? Maybe your an Eta here to arrange burial proceedings?"

He said this with a bit of amusement and Subaru couldn't help smiling just a little. "No, I just wanted to see you."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"There's nothing especially interesting about me," the boy said lightly.

"Maybe not," Subaru agreed. Then with brilliant irony he confessed, "I just needed to get away, you're the tadest bit more interesting then the people I was with."

The boy seemed to appreciate his honesty and nodded in agreement as if he understood the burden Subaru had being forced to have people respect him for no reason at all. "You're an onmyouji?"

"Aa," Subaru nodded. "How did you know?"

"You've got pentacles on your hands ... but ... they're drawn wrong aren't they? They're upside down."

It was a statement like an electric shock that cause Subaru to surrender to a small shudder. He looked down at his gloved hands, wondering for only a moment how the boy could see the stars burned in the flesh there, before swallowing the harsh bitter tears swelling up in him. "Aa," he voice shook only a little. "The person who drew them made a mistake."

If the boy didn't know about black magic, best not to tell him.

"Does that affect your work any?" the boy asked curiously, cocking his head the other direction now.

"Yes, it does."

"Oh ... Well what do you think?"

Subaru blinked, momentarily caught off guard. "About what?"

"About me, you said you wanted to see me ... what have you concluded?"

"That there's something off about you, something not quite right..." he realized that sounded most offensive, but a sudden idea wiped it from his mind. "I wonder..."

"Eh?"

"Did Tsukino-san ... did he ever go inside your heart?"

"EH?!?!" The boy's glass eyes widen and for a brief second they seemed alive.

"Go inside your heart... it's not hard if you're willing. I can do it right now."

"What is it?"

"Like ... going deep inside your soul, finding the cause of all this trouble, if it's there."

"What do I have to do?"

Subaru smiled reassuringly, "just relax ... go to sleep if you want."


	4. Chapter 3

He woke up slowly to a dull rumbling in his stomach. But this was not hunger. It took him only a few moments to comprehend the full range of sensations, the dry murky sleep he had now always took him a few minutes to free himself of. 

He wondered idly if he would ever sleep normally again, if he would ever dream again, and what things would come to him in those dreams if they did return.

His stomach twisted again. The phantom sensation was so annoying, it would keep him awake-- pull him away from the dark muddy sleep he enjoyed-- and persistently demand his attention.

He could feel the darkness was close now, stalking him again because he was ignoring it and had been for several days.

Subaru lifted his upper body back onto his arms, his skin brushing up against something soft and solid beside him. It startled him because he had not even detected the other's presence before this, and he reached instinctively for the ofuda hidden by his side.

He stopped, almost sighing lightly as he recognized the person beside him.

It was only Rocky.

Subaru sat up, the covers and sheets sliding from body slowly like he was emerging from a pool of water. He yawned and leaned back against the pillows a bit, his soft cream skin glowing in the moonlight from the window.

Funny he could have sworn he closed the shades before.

He shrugged it off, letting his fingers crawl into Rocky's thick nest of soft gray hair. He rubbed the boy's scrap lightly, extracting a soft sigh from his slumbering guest.

Now, how the hell did he manage to get in here? Subaru wondered. His senses had been trained to response to even the smallest presence while he was asleep. The boy, especially when the boy had such a strong and obvious power in him, should never have been able to get this close to him without him knowing it.

Rocky had his own room and Subaru has his, he usually did not attempt to expand the living space they shared beyond the common rooms. Subaru could count the number of times Rocky had entered his room on one hand. And he didn't think he had ever stepped passed the threshold of Rocky's doorway.

Subaru liked to be alone, and Rocky seemed obedient enough to accept that and not attempt to change it.

There had been a few times before he had come to settle back in Tokyo permanently that Rocky sneaked into his room like this. But even during those periods of travel he always curled up at the foot of the bed, almost like a lost puppy.

Never quite like this, by Subaru's side.

Subaru wondered if he should say something about it, but what he would say ... he had no idea. He didn't particularly mind nor care one way or the other about it. He knew he should be annoyed at Rocky's intrusion, but somehow he never was. He was more or less, apathetic to the boy's presence in-- or actually on-- his bed.

Taking special care not to awaken him, Subaru slowly pulled the covers out from under the boy and tucked him into the bed. Rocky was quite curious, Subaru noted as he stood beside the sleeping boy. He was presumptuous enough to risk sneaking in to Subaru's sanctuary, but not daring enough to slip under the covers. The implied intimacy of lying in Subaru's bed, too bold for the boy.

He walked towards the window, his stomach tensing again.

He would have to do something about that soon.

"Subaru?"

He looked back towards the bed, where Rocky's guilty look met him. The boy curled up a little tighter and appeared to be waiting for Subaru's scolding. He was so much like a child still...

"It's late... go back to sleep," Subaru replied softly, his gaze shifting back to the window's view.

"It's okay?" Rocky asked nervously.

Subaru shrugged at the incomplete question, "if you want, I don't mind it."

"I'm sorry. I woke you up."

"You didn't," Subaru assured. Something entirely different did. He was definitely going to have to do something about that

But not now. Later, when Rocky was fast asleep, waiting for him at home.

Damn, he really needed a cigarette now.

"Ummm...is there something wrong Subaru?" the boy twisted with conflict.

"Iie, I just can't sleep."

"Oh..."

It occurred to Subaru that he could easily put the boy the sleep and be done with it. But somehow that seemed ... unfaithful ... like the boy deserved more honesty then that. After all Rocky always approached him with an open heart, it would be rude to close off his own so completely.

"Rocky. That's an interesting name.. what possessed you to come up with it?" Subaru asked quietly.

"Oh," the soft blue moonlight exposed the gentle blush on Rocky's cheeks. "You told me once that 'Subaru-kun' was reserved for someone special. Well, I don't want **him** to use my real name... or even know it."

Subaru smiled a little, "I see. Is it really that important to you?"

"I've got nothing else, Subaru."

Well ... that was one of the many things they had in common. It was a shame, Subaru thought, that they didn't share it.  
------------

"Hello," Subaru greeted. The boy's mind was a rainbow of velvety darkness. A giant black fog of such intensity that should Subaru stretch out his arm his own fingers would be vague shadows on shadows. "Quite a place you have here."

"Thank you," the boy replied evenly. "Who's that?"

His long graceful finger pointed just beyond his visitor. Subaru glanced over his shoulder noticing the dark humanlike shadow to which the boy was referring. This shadow was different from the others in the boy's heart. It was not an image masked by layers of fog it was a void, a sharp hole in the form of human shape.

"An old friend," he answered.  
------------

Seishirou admired elegance and had excellent tastes. It was that reserved quality in him, the part that only recognized the facts about his life and not the issues surrounding it.

Seishirou killed people.

And to most everyone, his young match included, that was a horrifying and unspeakably evil thing.

However,

Seishirou could only recognize the logical part of such emotion. In a cold, calculating way he understood that people felt horror at the thought of mass murder and of being hunted. But he could not fathom the actual emotion, only accept its presence.

He was fond of Subaru, though, because Subaru didn't understand it either.

Subaru had all these waves of emotions and he didn't understand any of them. He put himself through incredible amounts of hell for them. Feelings that he shouldn't be feeling, the shame at feeling them, the self hatred that came after that. "He should accept them for what they are," Seishirou thought with a smile.

Ah but that wouldn't make any of this nearly as much fun, he remembered. It would make the game far too easy, and Seishirou wasn't involved in this because it was the "right" thing to do. The challenge interested him. There was also the concept itself, he wanted to know if such a thing was possible or whether it was one of those theories that had no place in reality. For two people to balance each other perfectly, it was quite an idea.

Subaru was only partial correct, he had changed slightly in nine years. Seishirou had damaged his beloved prey with his games just a little.

Where as a boy he was most accepting of those vibrant emotions, now guilt had caused him to push them away.

On one hand it disturbed him, if the plan was to work they both had to play their roles flawlessly. Idiotic Sumeragi filling **his** Subaru with all these ideas about responsibility and 'right and wrong'.

At the very least the last night years had gotten rid of some of the ridiculous nonsense.

On the other hand, it was so amusing to stroke that tender still present love and watch Subaru shudder and try to bury it.

"Why did you come back?" Subaru asked.

"We have unfinished business to attend to."

"But what's different now than 9 years ago?"

Seishirou shrugged, "waiting for the right time I suppose. You're older ... a little more developed," he winked as Subaru frowned in disgust. "I doubt you could have played the role required of you nine years ago."

"So you're been watching me all this time then?"

"I occasionally check up on you," Seishirou remarked indifferently.

"Seishirou-san. What are you doing?"

"Having dinner with my utterly enchanting lover, Subaru-kun."

Subaru frowned, "we're not lovers."

He leaned his head up against his left arm, a casual and curious look crossing his face. There was an innocent twinge in his eyes and a softness in his smile. An almost daydreaming love sick look on his face that both of them knew was false, more teasing. "Details, details..."

"And we never will be."

"I sincerely hope that's not the case."

"Stop toying with me."

"Stop being such a tease, love."

"I'm not being a tease and if you call me love again I'm going to stab you with my chopsticks."

Seishirou backed down with a slightly amused smile, accepting the end of this battle and preparing for the next.  
-------------

Rocky wavered, coming to his feet unsteadily then nearly collapsing again. He was suddenly exhausted and hallow ... like a great weight had been taking from his insides and smeared across his skin. He blinked, unable to focus his eyes.

He felt his sweat bathing his skin and weighting down a few locks of hair. Had the fever broke? he wondered. Or was it worse than before?

As his senses began to refocus he slowly became aware of Subaru's presence behind him, with one arm wrapped gently around him to steady his shaky legs.

"Are you all right?" Subaru asked softly. "Try to stand on your own ... I should check out somethings before I let you rest."

Rocky nodded, although the words were blurry in his head. He grabbed hold of the side of his bed and pulled himself out of Subaru arms, shivering as the body's heat warm caress left his bare back.

He felt dizzy, his body seemed to be distorted and strange. Something brushed up against his leg.

"You got wings now," Subaru said calmly.

"Huh?" he murmured. Everything was so fuzzy, it sounded like Subaru had said the most ridiculous thing.

"Look," Subaru guided him over to a small practical mirror by his closet. And Rocky looked.

Oh fuck...

His sleepy eyes shot open with surprise, elegant black wings curved out of his back with natural grace. They felt awkward on his back but did not **look** especially out of place. They looked strangely natural where they were. He stared at the image in absolute shock.

"So much power, physically manifested it was going to be something big. I thought this was the most poetic solution."

"They're cool," Rocky smiled. A smile that seemed somewhat drugged by raw exhaustion.

Subaru had not anticipated such a reaction from the boy. He had expected the boy to be horrified and furious, perhaps enough to wish the wings away. Yet the boy seemed sincerely happy with the result, fascinated by his new body parts as he slowly moved them back and forth.

He was clumsy with them and his moments were jerky and random.

"Well," Subaru shrugged. "The illness should not return, you can go back to school--"

"School?" Rocky blinked, still experimenting with his black companions and not entirely paying attention. ""I've never gone..."

"You've never been to school?" Subaru asked curiously.

The boy shook his head, bewildered by this new possibility. He tilted his head to the side, looking out toward the window where evidence of dawn was beginning to bloom. "I've never really been outside before."

That explained it, Subaru thought. The boy was so sheltered he had no idea how freakish and frightening he looked. He had no concept of the pain and rejection those black beacons would afford him.

He swallowed any sympathy he had for the boy's coming struggle. He had other things to worry about, he could feel Seishirou getting closer ... in a few hours he would be far from this place, running again. Desperately trying to find a place where Seishirou couldn't find him.

He ran his fingers over the newborn skin-- very soft-- and the boy shivered below him.

They were light and sensitive to touch, a mere collection of skin, blood and nerves, right now they would be extremely delicate. But as they aged the skin would callous, become tougher and less fragile.

"You'll have to be extremely careful with them for a couple of days." he mumbled, his fingers caressing the skin carefully-- searching for imperfections that may complicate their development.

Since the skin was still partially transparent, their color had a very slight purple highlight to it instead of the dark blackness that would take over once they tanned. There was a beautiful glow of red blood coursing through the dark webbing that would be buried. And he could feel the boy's pulse if he pressed gently. Subaru's fingers carefully followed the paths of the veins, making sure they would not block or hemorrhage.

Rocky moaned as Subaru's hand wondered up his back to explore the junction between his shoulders and their new companions. Not a loud moan of pleasure, but a slight airy sound of stimulation. Subaru ignored it, the boy was partially delirious and most likely couldn't suppress such reactions. The skin was, after all, extremely sensitive, and the careful and necessary examination was bound to bring forth a whole assortment of new sensations.

He decided the bone structure was good. The bones were light and thin-- easily broken-- but such was necessary to flight. If they were heavy and strong Rocky's wings would be nothing more than a burdensome cape of skin.

However, the bones that aligned with his shoulder-- the primary bones-- were a bit too brittle. This could be a problem if they did not grow stronger as they would have to support most of his weight in flight. "Make sure you eat correctly from now on," Subaru said. "No more of this soup diet or these bones," he ran his finger across the top ridge to illustrate, "will snap easily."

Rocky gave a disorientated nod, letting out a small gasp as Subaru's hands massaged the muscle structure surrounding those bones. The Sumeragi frowned, the tissue was soft and tender. They were healthy, but weak. He supposed the necessary strength would be built up over time.

"Subaru, I feel sick.." Rocky whimpered, trying very hard to remain on his feet.

"Sick how?" Subaru hummed, his fingers wandering back to the boy's back.

"I'm dizzy... Really dizzy... and..."

"Faint?" Subaru asked.

"Yeah..."

"That's to be expected," Subaru commented. "The area your body has to nourish with blood has nearly tripled. You'll experience symptoms of blood loss for a few hours, but provided you rest and take care of yourself ... you'll recover easily."

He paused, his fingers pressing softly at the base of Rocky's new right wing. "You can lie down for the next part if you wish. That will relieve some of the dizziness."

The boy nodded and nearly collapsed face down onto his bed with a heavy sigh. Subaru's arm caught him sternly in midfall and laid him down gently. "Careful," Subaru scolded.

"Gomen," the boy murmured softly, drifting off to sleep as he spoke.

Subaru rolled his eyes, "this maybe a little painful."

One violet eye cracked open, "Painful? How painful?"

Calmly Subaru took out a normal sewing needle. "You have my word that I'll be careful, no more than a pinch I think."

The eye drifted closed again and Subaru frowned, "don't fall asleep, this is important."

Rocky made no verbal response, his mouth shifted in confirmation.

Subaru placed his palm in the valley of Rocky's back, now flanked by two black wing, and pressed down gently. "Can you feel that?"

"Um-Hmm.."

He slid his fingers up to the base of each wing, pressing down firmly and asking, "And there?"

Rocky nodded.

Gradually Subaru's hands moved across the black silk of Rocky's wings, testing all of the nerves for their sensitivity. Rocky closed his eyes tightly, trying very hard to repress the desires that were swelling at the feel of those delicate, soft, hands flowing over his body. His shivered as Subaru's finger rubbed the very tip of one wing.

"And here?"

Rocky's answer was a soft gasp as he bit back the urge to moan.

"I'll take that as a yes," Subaru muttered, the needles clenched between his teeth.

Subaru's fingers hooked under the talon on the top of one wing. It was like a fingernail, he concluded, a hard mass of dead tissue. Nevertheless he applied pressure to it. "Anything here?"

"...not really," Rocky answered. "Should their be?"

"No," Subaru shrugged. "Just checking."

He took the pin out of his mouth and sharply poked the cuticle around the talon.

"Ow," Rocky hissed, his wing jerking backwards clumsily.

"Easy," Subaru soothed, guiding the wing back up. "I warned you."

"Well it felt so nice before..." the boy protested weakly.

Subaru grunted in response and using the needle retested the critical nerve lines. "Well there are essentially two type of nerve receptors, pressure and pain. I have to check both."

Rocky flinched, "I could deal without pain.."

The onmyouji smiled and much to the boy's surprise, bent down a lightly kissed the middle of his back. "Well pain tells you when you're in danger of getting hurt, it's necessary."

Rocky could not respond, his heart was still fluttering at the sensation of Subaru's lips pressed to his skin. God this was ridiculous, he couldn't be feeling these things, he must have lost more blood than Subaru thought... maybe he had brain damage too. But every touch from the onmyouji sent electricity up his spine.

Perhaps this was normal, he had know experience with this sort of thing. Maybe Subaru did this all the time and thought nothing of it? He thought he should ask him, but didn't know what to say. He could not identify the feeling other than ... he liked Subaru touching him.

Subaru gently folded the wings back onto Rocky's back. "They're good," he said softly, moving some of the boy's hair out of his eyes. "Make sure you sleep on your belly or side from now on ... now get some rest."

He felt the heavy new weight on his back, and it was comforting. Like an anchor to safety.  
------------

"Because Subaru-kun you possess the only thing I want."

And those word might have surprised Subaru had they not been followed up by a kiss that monopolized that emotion.

Seishirou's hands cupped his cheek, holding him steady long enough for Seishirou to fully enjoy his stolen moment. Then he released Subaru slowly and pulled back only far enough for their eyes to meet.

"I really don't understand you Seishirou," Subaru commented weakly. "Shouldn't you be feeding me to that Tree by now?"

Seishirou chuckled and leaned forward to kiss Subaru again. Although he appeared to change his mind halfway into it. "Really now Subaru-kun do you think I brought you all the way here just to kill you?"

Subaru nodded, "the Tree is here."

Ah well that was true. "Even if I did kill you ... I wouldn't give you to her."

"Why not?" Subaru blinked.

"Because after our long, personal history that would be rude wouldn't it? Besides..." Subaru felt the murmur crawl up his neck, "You're mine ... she's just going to have to live with that."

Subaru felt strangely helpless like this. In Ueno Park, so close to Seishirou that he could feel his breath in the cold, away from the Sakura.

"Now Subaru-kun, I want you to concentrate for a moment."

"Eh?" Subaru mumbled incoherently. He was having trouble focusing on anything right now.

"Do you remember the principles of Taoism?"

Subaru blinked, the quiet 'Seishirou-san kissed me' euphoric daydream shattering into a billion pieces around him. And the reality that Seishirou **had kissed him** beginning to settle uneasily in his mind. "I didn't know there was going to a quiz."

Seishirou laughed and licked the tip of Subaru's nose playfully. "Come on, if you answer correctly I'll give you another kiss."

"In what sense?" Subaru frowned. "There are 81 chapters in the Tao Te Ching, discussing aspects of pretty much anything."

"The definition of balance," Seishirou clarified.

"When two forces clash, one pushes and the other yields-- redirecting that energy back at the former which yield and continues the cycle, the forces are at balance."

"Very good Subaru-kun," Seishirou grinned before placing a quick teasing kiss on his lips. His breath burned Subaru's with lust as he pulled away again. Subaru's eyes slowly opened, the dull, dazed look in them. "Now," Seishirou said, his hand playing in Subaru's black hair. "Let's see what else you know."

The Sakurazukamori nuzzled Subaru's neck tenderly. A piece of Subaru tired very hard to fight off the dreary acceptance. He shouldn't be like this, he shouldn't welcome this tenderness so openly, he shouldn't be such a fool again. But the warm feeling was murky and heavy, weighting down any doubts, any fears, and all the shame in enjoying it.

He had felt this before, the inability to resist against all his instincts. The absolute acceptance of things. He had felt like this before with Seishirou...

In Seishirou's maboroshi...

"He's going to kill me," Subaru thought. The idea made him panic, even though he wished for it. His mind struggled frantically, trying to force it's way free of the bonds that kept it obedient.

But death never came, he felt Seishirou's teeth run down his jaw-- an animalistic gesture, there was no aggression behind it-- and then he heard the words spoken to him softly. "Do you want to be free Subaru? Or do you want to be tied to me forever?"

Subaru choked on his tears. Why was he crying? "I dunno ... neither."

Seishirou pulled away, this time putting a step or two between them. Immediately Subaru felt the power holding his will at bay drain away, and it brought with it a flood of emotions and thought. "That's what I thought," Seishirou said gravely. An expression that only hung on his face for a mere flash of time before it was replaced by a chipper smile. "Well then..."

He snapped a leafless branch from a nearby tree and with merciless precision plucked it straight, or reasonably so. "Allow me to illustrate my plan to you Subaru-kun."

"You're plan?" Subaru repeated.

"Aa, I've been thinking through this for a while. I don't much like this idea of destiny, it makes life seem all the more pointless--"

Somehow hearing those words from Seishirou, struck Subaru as painfully ironic.

"And I think I might have found a loophole to happily ever after."

Okay now that was **most definitely** ironic...

Subaru frowned, "and somehow this involves me seducing you?"

"Strictly speaking no, that's just a perk of the game." The branch tapped playfully on Seishirou's leg.

Subaru's frown hardened, "I'm sick of playing games with you Seishirou-san, every time we 'play' someone else ends up getting hurt in my place."

Seishirou looked sincerely concerned, "you make it sound like I don't care."

"You _don't_." Subaru hissed.

"Not in any sense you'd recognize, I suppose not." Seishirou shrugged, "but just because I don't hold human life as something sacred and inviolable, doesn't mean I don't care. If it made no difference I wouldn't find so much amusement from hunting you."

Seishirou had been carefully walking around him while his spoke. His words were fluid and honest, and Subaru's greatest fear was that maybe Seishirou was telling him the truth. Lies and acts he could understand. He could handle that. But for the truth simply to be that Seishirou thought as people as nothing more than a minor concern, Subaru didn't know how to react to that. It was easy to hate the idea of the Sakurazukamori... it was not so easy to hate Seishirou.

Seishirou's attitude mad him no more evil than a cattle rancher ... except he was talking about people and not cattle.  
-------------

"We've never been introduced," the boy commented. They stood before the barrier encasing the deepest depths of his heart. It occurred to Subaru then that this was quite an intimate working. This boy was about to give up something as sacred as his virginity, without even knowing Subaru's name.

"That's true," he agreed. "My apologies, for being so inconsiderate. I'm Subaru Sumeragi."

"Sumeragi-san?"

Subaru flinched at the title. That damn title, his damn family, his damn position ... he was beginning to hate it all. Those chains in his soul that came under the heading 'Sumeragi'.

The boy noticed, "Subaru-san?"

"You can drop the formality," Subaru smiled softly. "We're equals here."

The boy persisted, "Aa, Subaru-kun then?"

A cold hand seized Subaru's heart, almost choking him with a clammy discomfort. "No, that's reserved for someone else."

"Oh," the boy said, a little disappointed. "What can I call you?"

"Just Subaru is fine."

He smiled a little for the boy's sake.

"You can call me Kamui," the boy replied. There was a faint illusion of cheerfulness when he introduced himself. A dull pass of emotion in the boy's otherwise empty eyes.

"Kamui is it?"

"Yes,"

"All right Kamui," he tapped the giant crystal casing closing off Kamui's deepest point lightly. "Are you ready to show me what's behind here?"  
-----------

Seishirou's plan might have worked had it not been for a third party in their relationship. The Sakura Tree was not keen on this game and its intended results. It was not keen on losing both its guardian and meal either. Although it could not really interfere with the game, its presence alone complicated matters.

Seishirou unfortunately had yet to find a solution to the obvious problem. As they stood now, his success depended entirely on the good will of the Tree. Truly wishful thinking on his part.

He watched the blood being gulped down by her roots with the same fascination he had on that night of the first kill. "You're spoiled," he told her.

The Tree made messy noises with its meal and grunted in response to his statement.

"You know, it is theoretically possible that you may not be able to stop me--_us_."

The comment was casual, more wishful thinking on his part. The Tree put demands on Subaru that Seishirou knew Subaru would never be able to fulfill. There wasn't enough time, there would never be enough time for Subaru to learn his role with the flawlessness that was required to defeat the tree.

But he could hope...

Yes, he believed that was the word for it. Hope, it was one of those strange muted feelings inside of him. He was aware that it was something like anticipation... but beyond that, he had trouble defining it.

Hope was used to fill in gaps that logic and planning can't, he thought bitterly. Now was not the time to rely on something like that.

Still, tonight had gone well, he thought. Dinner, the walk through Ueno Park... it was obvious that Subaru was still adjusting to the idea of Seishirou being in his life this way. But all things considered, it was a success.

The Tree murmured something in the back of his mind. She could not speak, but he understood her the same as if she had used words. Her hurt, betrayed shiver ran through him, "why are you doing this?"

Seishirou shrugged, "the idea amuses me. For hundreds of years the Sakurazuka's have been killing off the Sumeragi, and the Sumeragi have foiled hundreds of Sakurazukamori before me. Now we are the only ones left... realizing that made killing him seem so ... dull."

The Tree whimpered and reached out to him, "please don't go."

Seishirou smiled, "I'm touched, but even you must admit ... the same ending to the story over and over again is boring. If nothing else this ending won't be."

"Even if you fail?"

"Especially if I fail, you of all people should know that."

The Tree accepted this sadly, "don't go..."

"Don't worry, I'll stay with you a little longer."


	5. Chapter 4

The tears parted his eye lids as he looked up. Sakura reflected in that salt water forming kaleidoscope images in his vision. "Why?" he choked. 

The Tree shrugged, it had no answer for such questions. It only knew what was, not why it was, or what way it should be.

Subaru stared down his at his hands, dirty with the blood of death-- the people he loved-- did it even matter if he hadn't killed them. Did anything matter anymore? If he killed them with his own hands would he at least have the confidence in knowing that it was truly him that killed. If he killed others now would he be any less guilty? If he killed those he loved, how much worse could killing strangers be?

"My blood ... it's poison isn't it? That's why I keep surviving your lust. That's why everyone I love must die in my place?"  
----------------

Subaru believed in redemption, he believed that love could redeem anyone. He did not believe, however, that Seishirou loved him. He did not want to believe that, for he did not want to think how long Seishirou had loved him. He did not want to think about all the things that Seishirou did at the same time.

Because love was suppose to redeem people.

And if Seishirou could kill while in love, perhaps _because_ he was in love. Subaru did not want to think of what might happen if he were redeemed.

Still...

He had studied Taoism thoroughly as a child, it had been part of his education up to the day when his sister died. After that, he threw away all the ridiculous poetic philosophy and went right for what was clear cut. But he was still familiar with the concepts. He was aware of what Seishirou had been getting at.

He had been mulling over the idea all evening, paying little or no attention to the movie playing in the dark theater nor really the fabulous dishes presented for his consumption either. Seishirou had been unusually quiet in response to Subaru's withdrawal, small comments scattered here and there, perhaps sensing the importance of Subaru's thoughts.

Theoretically speaking, it was a good strategy. Seishirou was very good at over powering him with violence, that much was incredibly clear. It would be stupid of him-- not to mention pointless-- to keep banging his head against that wall, hoping for Seishirou to slip up once.

He had to find some way he could win. And although the answer was very, very logical, it was against all his instincts as a living creature. Surrender was not something that came easily, it was in their basics instincts to fight control.

He remembered as a child been trained, sitting in a cold room for hours in the same position... Meditations that shut out pain, focused his mind and tested his strength. He was not put through them to suffer ... only to give him the focus required to utter the sacred words to exorcise spirits and not have all hell break loose.

He told himself that this, was not at all unlike that.

Simply another exercise in focus.

"Do you want to come in?" Subaru asked, more than a trace of nervousness in his voice.

It was worth a try, he did not fear his own death..

Seishirou was surprised, but pleasantly so. He grinned at the invitation, lifting his eyebrow suggestively. "It's getting late Subaru-kun."

Subaru twisted the keys in the lock, swinging the door open and waving his arm invitingly in. What was the code people used on such occasions? "Just for a cup of coffee."

The assassin crossed the threshold, a decidedly smug look on his face. Surveying the apartment he admired the presence Subaru had imprinted on it, Spartan, very very Spartan. But small touches of tenderness and comfort here and there... a soft pillow on the couch, a warm looking tea set, the big fluffy comforter on his bed. The warmth matched with a smoothness like Zen, pale green plain chop sticks and black rice bowls with cream colored inners, and pale green rims. Smooth counters and walls of light off-white tones. Naked windows, naked and clean.

Naked and clean.

He grinned.

Coffee huh?

Subaru dug noisily around the kitchen area. He was nervous, Seishirou observed with amusement ... same Subaru as always. "Ummmm..." Subaru hummed from within the kitchen. "I don't have any coffee."

Seishirou felt that laughing might be a bad idea. He had no idea what possessed Subaru to change his mind about the matter, nor what had revived this innocent, warm Subaru from it's cold angsty coffin, but he felt best to be as agreeable as possible. "Aa, some tea will be fine."

"What kind?" Subaru asked, his form still hidden behind the counter.

"Whatever you have love,"

Subaru's head peered out at Seishirou in the livingroom, "stop calling me that."

Seishirou smiled apologetically, "why?"

"Because," the Sumeragi grunted. "You don't love me."

"I disagree..."

"No," Subaru said firmly. "You're fond of me, you enjoy my company, and you have some twisted, creepy, affection for me, but you do not love me."

He muttered something after that Seishirou didn't catch. And Seishirou was about to tease a repetition out of him when one of Subaru's delicate brown tea cups was held, steaming, just under his nose. He accepted the offering graciously and decided to change tactics, "you developing some rather bizarre quirks yourself Subaru-kun."

"Eh?" The onmyouji responded as the hot liquid twisted around itself with a pour, into his cup.

"Well this is a somewhat unexpected change of pace ... just a few days ago you were scowling and snapping at me whenever I even got close to you. Now we're..." he waved his hand around the apartment. "All that hostility... where did it go?"

Subaru sipping his tea calmly and surprised Seishirou by smiling. It was a soft, tired and simple smile that graced his face as he said, "We can call it a night if you're not comfortable with this."

"Clever, very clever Subaru-kun," he thought with a frown. "I'm not saying that ... it's just suspicious."

"You think I'm up to something?"

"It would be insulting to assume that was beyond your ability Subaru-kun."

"Good," Subaru nodded. "Because I am."

"Then why admit that?" Seishirou thought wearily. His sister was exactly the same way, as if revealing the evil plot somehow doomed him to walk right into it in spite of himself. He wondered if this was a genetic feature brought on through years of inbreeding in the Sumeragi, or whether they all really were that stupid. "And what might that be?" he sighed.

"You should know, it was your idea."

Indeed...

"I didn't expect you to take to the idea so quickly, Subaru-kun."

The younger man looked down through his tea cup, his expression solemn but tender at the same time. "Neither did I. But you are right, this is in my nature ... perhaps that's what makes it easier to make the decision so suddenly."

He took a long sip of his tea as he heard the soft clank of Seishirou placing his cup down on the coffee table. He savored the smoky taste of the leaves in the brew, knowing that it would be the last sip he got out of the cup. His belly felt filled with warmth.

Water...

_Under heaven nothing is more soft and yielding than water. _

_Yet for attacking the solid and strong, nothing is better; _

_It has no equal. _

_The weak can overcome the strong; _

_The supple can overcome the stiff._

He did not open his eyes as he lowered the cup from his lips. Nor as he felt Seishirou's callous finger-- bathed in the glow of millions of deaths-- brush against the skin of his cheek. But when he felt those hands slide up the side of his face, and pull his chin up, then he let out a soft sigh and slowly opened his eyes halfway. Allowing Seishirou to search through the deep transparent green all he wanted.

Seishirou was looking with a strange collection of expressions. Serious, amused, tender ... sad. Subaru wasn't sure which to believe, if any. He couldn't fathom what thoughts were pacing through that dark untouchable space in Seishirou's mind. He had never been able to understand the man in that way. "Then," his voice was but a deep hum across Subaru's senses. "What will we do now?"

_Why is the sea king of a hundred streams? _

_Because it lies below them._

His eyes fluttered to the side, not in shame but a sudden sense of guilt for what he was about to take away. "Whatever you want," he said softly, believing in it.

He did not see Seishirou smile as he kissed him It was a gentle and caring kiss and he felt no need to respond to it. He felt Seishirou grip his shoulders harshly as if trying to squeeze a response out of him by force. And he did respond to that, but probably not in the way Seishirou had wanted him to. Subaru didn't resist, or fight back, or even cry out in pain, instead he kissed back ... welcoming Seishirou's lips on his own.

This was his battlefield, these were his weapons. He was going to win. This time he was going to beat Seishirou.

The Sakurazukamori slammed his back into the wall, pinning him between the cream colored plaster and the body clothed in black. For a moment Subaru could feel Seishirou's black trench coat enclosing him as the body behind it pressed into his. His fingers moved carefully up Seishirou's sides as he felt the man's teeth graze his lips.

Seishirou pined on arm above his head, pulling away for a brief intermission. He ran his pointer finger down Subaru's chin slowly, allowing the nail to scratch the skin slightly. He grinned as Subaru's head tilted down and he returned the gesture by taking the finger into his mouth, sucking gently on it, tongue stroking it. "If you wanted me to be rough with you Subaru-kun, you only had to ask."

Subaru said nothing, only grunted as Seishirou's hands roughly pushed off his sports jacket and working under his shirt. He kissed across Seishirou's jaw, his lips passing across the ear lobe and on to the temple. Then buried in a sea of dark black hair. It smelled like burnt tobacco, he loved it.

Subaru gave into a soft shutter as the black coat opened it's wings and was tossed over the back of a nearby chair. He followed Seishirou movements as he stepped back, closing the space between them and placing more soft kisses on the throat as he fiddled with Seishirou's tie. His fingers slipping in and out, winding the fabric out from it's neat knot.

Exhaling in lust brought out a sound like a beast in Seishirou. The sound of heavy breath just before the predator sniffs for the scent of it's terrified prey, much like a sigh. Seishirou worked the rest of Subaru's shirt off quickly, aware of the fingers that were working the buttons of his dress shirt undone. He dragged a kiss slowly down Subaru's bare shoulder, finding a piece of tender flesh and biting it hard.

He was disappointed when Subaru did not respond to this the way he hoped he would. He had expected at least a started yelp But no, the shoulder relaxed under his teeth and the Sumeragi answered with gentle kisses as if he hadn't noticed the pain at all.

Seishirou didn't like this, he didn't want to think what it meant. He knew only that Subaru was his and that Subaru would not escape him. For a moment that was all that mattered. Any amusement he found in the game that might change that, was buried deeply under the lust for possession.

He took off his shirt and stalked Subaru. Taking one step forward as his counterpart took one back, approaching the bedroom in a dark carnal way. Seishirou smiled, his young lover did not. "What the matter Subaru-kun?" the assassin's words slivered across Subaru's ear. "Not enjoying this?"

Subaru blinked in genuine confusion before a soft smile answered his partner. He unbuttoned his pants and kicked them loose of his legs. Then he surprised Seishirou, stepping forward and darting his tongue over one nipple as his fingers worked Seishirou's button and the zipper open.

Seishirou ran one hand through Subaru's hair, allowing himself to acknowledge the physical pleasure he was given. "You're so very interesting sometimes Subaru-kun."

With that he grabbed Subaru's arms and throw the Sumeragi onto the bed, surprised once more by the ease with which Subaru's body was swung.

No resistance at all.

This was starting to irritate him.

He snarled and climbed on top of Subaru. "You hurt my feelings Subaru-kun, I'm beginning to think you'd rather be somewhere else."

_Capturing the enemy without attacking, _

_Being armed without weapons._

Subaru kissed down his chest, as if to say "don't be silly, this is the only place I belong." But there was no passion in those lips, no fight in them. Just a love, unconditional, uncaring, tender, warm yet uncaring love. Seishirou was frustrated, he had the barest idea about how the Sumeragi should fight him, this tactic had after all been his idea. Yet he did not understand, how could love be so uncaring and neutral? How could Life feel so dead?

He grabbed Subaru's shoulder and pulled at it ruthlessly, Subaru's soft kisses goading him on. When the bone slipped out of the socket with a dull pop Seishirou was rewarded with a soft grunt from the onmyouji beneath him ... but nothing more.

One arm limp and unmoving, Subaru kept going without fail. Fingers sliding down to rid the last trace of cloth between their naked bodies. Seishirou hands burned with anger, but he could not understand why he was angry. He could not understand why he wanted to hurt Subaru so badly now.

He had never taken pleasure in the pain of others before, simply been amused by it. But now ... the soft claiming pressure he gave to Subaru was faithful thrown away. Subaru was submissive but rejecting at the same time. Not acknowledging Seishirou's rights over him.

He ground down on the dislocated limb.

Nothing, not even a whimper from the Sumeragi. Subaru returned every touch of pain with one of tenderness. Reaching out to Seishirou with his touch, but yet keeping him away from Seishirou's control. Not fighting, like Seishirou didn't matter enough to fight. Yielding to his will so much that he evaded him. He would allow Seishirou to do him physical harm, but by allowing it had stripped Seishirou of the power to hurt him.

"Fine," Seishirou snorted. "If that's the way you want it."

Subaru's eyes opened, they almost seemed sleepy but they sparkled. As if Subaru was taking great pleasure from Seishirou's struggle.

He probably was, little bastard.

"Yes," Subaru breathed. "It is."

Seishirou growled and roughly forced the Sumeragi's legs up and apart. He could have been gentle. Had he been willing to do that, but not if this was the way he was going to be treated. If this was the way Subaru was going to be, he was going to hurt him.

With Subaru's knees hooked around his shoulders he leaned over the onmyouji to look into his eyes once more. Hoping, as much as he could, that in the face of it Subaru might have changed his mind about how he wanted to go about this. He glared down at the Sumeragi, who stared back ... eyes loving and indifferent to both the pain and the force. Then Subaru reached up with the uninjured arm and brush Seishirou black hair back tenderly, and he...

Smiled, the kind of smile one gives a child who simply doesn't know any better.

Infuriated beyond his comprehension of the emotion, Seishirou penetrated. He was rougher than even he thought was possible, not giving Subaru anytime to prepare himself for the violation. And when he was denied the feeling of the Sumeragi's muscles tensing and being ripped through, he thrust even harder.

Subaru's eyes never left his, Seishirou's eyes aimlessly around the room. Subaru's hand reached up once again, brushing Seishirou's soft black strands gently away. Never getting discouraged when they fell back with each thrust.

He was going to break every bone in the Sumeragi's hand if he didn't stop that. Seishirou sped up the rhythm, dimming aware of a warm sensation seeping into him. Each violent thrust brought it on stronger, a dull warmth filling him. Invading him.

That was it, that what it felt like. Something Subaru reached out to him with invading him, wearing down his shields and defenses and infecting him. A gentle warmth.

He thought that surely he could push the gentleness back if he fought it with violence. Surely he could kill it if he hurt Subaru just a little more. But every thrust, every painful touch brought it on even stronger. Until he could feel it leaking into his heart. Was this...

Love?

Subaru was giving him love? Wasn't that what Seishirou had suggested in the first place? But he had never expected it to be like this. He had never expected love to be so painful.

Yes Subaru returned every injury inflicted with one of his own, scarring Seishirou with affection and gentleness. Without thinking he grabbed the Sumeragi's throat and squeezed hard, feeling the muscles constrict under his palm. He would not lose like this. Anyway but like this.

Subaru's eyes opened a little wider, a mere reaction to the air being cut off from his lungs. But nothing in those eyes changed. His body went stiff under Seishirou's, struggling futility under the older man's weight. Seishirou felt flooded with a kind of sick excitement, that was it ... he had finally broken through and forced Subaru to be his again.

The Sumeragi's eyes drifted closed and he appeared to sigh, which was quite impossible under the circumstances ... a breathless sigh in which his entire body relaxed. For a moment Seishirou panicked and loosened his grip on Subaru's pale skin. The green eyes opened again, and they startled Seishirou in their calmness ... like the sea. Subaru's good hand came up and grasped Seishirou's wrist, but it did not try to force him away, instead it pulled him closer. Seishirou's large hand tightened around the onmyouji throat again. There was something dangerous building inside of him, driving him further and further into some kind of madness with each movement. He couldn't control it, he couldn't control any of it, and that fueled it further. Subaru's eyes watched him carefully, never wavering in their peaceful stillness, never turning to hate or pain. Seishirou came dangerous close to crushing the windpipe, before he pulled back with a shuddered gasp.

What the hell was he doing?

He had never known anything like this before. The emotions he had ever experience were vague, wispy things, merely acknowledging certain things he enjoyed more than others. He had never killed out of anger, certainly not out of this blind rage with which he had almost murdered Subaru. He was confused, and tiniest bit scared of it. Something so much stronger than anything he had ever known, strong enough to control him like that.

Subaru's legs pulled Seishirou back towards him. The Sumeragi took the hand that had almost strangled him and kissed it softly. His eyes slowly opened as his lips met the flesh and they stared into Seishirou's with an unusual firmness and sharpness. There was a dominating presence in those eyes now.

Subaru pulled him back with kisses, pushing up against him to finish out they had begun. Seishirou felt the warmth swell up again with each kiss and he knew for certain it was not physical pleasure that was invading him. It was something far more damaging, using physical pleasure as it's Trojan horse. He felt oddly helpless in Subaru's arms now, realizing that the more he struggled against his lover ... the more his lover won.

He had never expected it to be like this.

He laid his head down under Subaru's chin, letting the Sumeragi move up against him in the most pleasing way. He groaned as Subaru squeezed down on him, the lust for the pleasure forcing him to start moving inside the onmyouji again. He was aware of a small painful tingle in the corner of his eyes as a tear swelled out from the duct. He knew what it was, but he had no idea what it meant.

As the warmth sank its fangs into him, tearing him apart inside and smoothing new territory for itself. It was a violent and vicious thing love, Seishirou thought wearily. He understand why Subaru suffered so much.

The Sumeragi moaned in his embrace, merely luring Seishirou in with the idea that maybe ... he could make Subaru feel something. Luring to the kill, which Subaru was quick to deliver.

As Seishirou pushed in harder, wanting to drive Subaru to pleasure if pain was not effective, Subaru leaned forward and pressed their lips together. A sweet, gentle, loving gesture that made something inside Seishirou snapped. And with a choked cry...

He was defeated.  
------------------

It was like...

It was like creation.

A blooming of color and light, warmth and sound, motion and memory. A conception but not a birth. Subaru felt very strongly that it was not a birth, that the birth had still to occur. The black fog, indeed the blackness itself and its whole family of shadows were gone. Every corner, every expanse of this world was filled with color and light.

It was nothing recognizable, at least not to Subaru. There was an all encompassing warmth, like being submerged in liquid oxygen.

Then a pounding, a deep thump like the sound of a leather skin drum.

All the light seemed red-orange.

No shapes, no objects save for the form of a woman, faceless and featureless. Her colors were there but muted and unclear, as if Kamui himself wasn't sure what she looked like.

She seemed the focal point of the world, an impression carved into Kamui's heart like one a living soul might make. Memories don't behave like this...

"Kamui, who is she?"

"My mother," he answered.

"When did she die?"

"In childbirth, with me."

"You have to let her go Kamui, she doesn't belong here."

"I know," he said sadly. "I can't though, I think I killed her." He said the last part not in way of explanation, but as an aside that was completely irrelevant. "She's always been with me, I can't let her go. I don't want this place to be empty."

"You'll build new things here," he soothed. "But you have to let her go. The strength it takes to hold her here, you don't have that sort of power to spare. It's killing you Kamui, it's making you sick."

"I don't care about dying. I don't want to loss her."

"I can't make you," Subaru said. "If you want to survive you have to do it yourself. I can only help you see the path to take, not take it for you."

"I understand."

The boy must be a great deal more powerful than he appeared, Subaru reasoned. To hold an unwilling spirit here for so long. "If you hold the pain so close to your heart, then yes this place will remain empty once she leaves because you won't let anything grow. For your own sake let her free and forget a little."

Kamui looked at him sharply as if he knew how hypocritical those words were coming from Subaru.

"There's nothing more I can do here, please ... I can feel how badly you want to live Kamui ... don't do this anymore. Don't lock all this up inside, it was never meant to be held here."  
------------

Seishirou was fast asleep, Subaru holding him close with one arm. The other was still dislocated and lied still as he could keep it by his side ... throbbed with a muted pain. He wondered how he had been able to withstand it before, idle thoughts of that nature dancing in his head.

But for now, it didn't matter. He didn't think anything was broken... his neck was badly bruised from Seishirou's attack, but he wasn't too concerned about that anyway. Subaru looked down at the sleeping man beside him.

He looked like a dog, no... no a bear, when he was asleep Subaru decided. Eyes closed and body fully relaxed in sleep, his soft hair brushing across his forehead, and his nose... just the way it looked like a human snout in this light. He looked a lot like a sleeping grizzly bear.

Which made sense, it fit the Seishirou-san that Subaru was beginning to understand just a little. He was like an animal, without deep emotions, without empathy. With only a will to survive and instincts to act on. Instincts that told him to kill, as any animal would, for food. If animals could be motivated to kill to feed their children as well as themselves, he supposed it was also conceivable that Seishirou could kill to feed that tree in the same way.

Perhaps Subaru had been a little too cruel tonight. He had been foolish to assume that Seishirou knew exactly what he was getting into. It was one thing to understand the meaning in the words, it was quite another to understand the experience of being conquered.

Words were so useless sometimes.

He didn't know what was suppose to happen now, but he imagined he could be happy living his whole life like this. Surrendering to Seishirou night after night, and doing... whatever it was they just did. He supposed that in Seishirou's twisted little world that had been making love. And even if Subaru could do without the strangling and the dislocation... the general experience had been quite pleasurable.

Seishirou's reaction hadn't been entirely unexpected. He knew that Seishirou did not like the idea of losing control of his prey. It was more than a safe bet that losing control **to** his prey wasn't going to rub him the right way either. Still in the end Seishirou seemed so utterly helpless and broken that Subaru actually pitted him. It was a strange thing, their relationship. He felt oddly guilty about defeating him like that.

He had no idea what the effects of the event would be on Seishirou. Though he suppose he would find out when the man woke up in the morning.

It was a victory...

But it was not balance. An adequate revenge for his sister's murder and his own suffering, perhaps. But it was not balance, only the same fight they always fought just in a different sense.

He could not conceive of the balance that Seishirou spoke of. He could accept the idea, but he could not imagine what it would be like to have that, nor how it might take place. Consequently he could not make plans for what he had to do next. His only choice was to take things as they came and hope that the proper steps would come to him with time.

He should call his Grandmother ... perhaps there was something to this Taoism poetic nonsense. He debated about how much he should tell her regarding his sudden interest. She likely would not approve of his sexual liaisons with the Sakurazukamori. Yet she might see it as an end to a very painful and tragic history.

Then again, his Grandmother was no short on power herself, perhaps she already knew.  
--------------

Understandably, Seishirou was not in the greatest mood when he woke up. He was in a general grump that could not be defined by any one emotion or another. The chaos of last night had gone quiet inside of him, leaving a dull after taste of those violent emotions like a stain in cotton cloth that had been scrubbed until the fabric was worn, but had not completely come out. He was no longer angry. He imagined the right word for this feeling was depression. His pride was injured last night, to know that it really was true ... you are in fact controlled by that which you struggle to possess most

He groaned and tried to shut out everything by burying his face in a pillow. Subaru's pillow he thought, and that only made it worse. What had he gotten himself into? Life used to be so easy and simple.

He felt a familiar murmur in the back of his mind that he recognized as the Tree.

"Shutup," he muttered back.

For something who spoke only in thoughts, the Tree had a remarkable mastery of sarcasm. Oh he imagined she had lots of thoughts on what had happened last night, most of them including casual suggestions that if he killed Subaru she'd make sure he'd never have to go through that again.

It was tempting...

Very tempting..

"But not right now," he thought with a heavy sigh. That would only prove how badly Subaru had beaten him. Next time, he would not be defeated so easily. Next time he would put Subaru back where he belonged... then he would kill him.

The Tree grumbled something, he ignored it. Right now he didn't care what she thought.

After last night, he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He had thought this little game with Subaru would be interesting ... and it was _certainly_ interesting. But he had expected the prospect of sleeping with Subaru to be somewhat more ... pleasurable. He had certainly not anticipated **_that_**, whatever 'that' had been. Although he probably should have ... it was afterall the obvious answer. They fight on Subaru's side of life, in love instead of in death as they had done previously, and Subaru would win and Seishirou would fall in love with him.

He was a little sadomasochistic for liking the idea of such a battle to begin with.

But he was not in love with Subaru.

Aside from the dull emotional pain throbbing inside him, he wasn't quite sure what the effects of Subaru's victory had been on him. He tried to conjure up an image of the Sumeragi just to see what strange emotions fluttered up in response, only to find nothing...

He felt empty, but aware of his emptiness. Where as once he had not felt, now he felt only the absence of those horrible emotions he had only briefly experienced.

Nothing...

This was displeasing, because it had an obvious answer. It meant that his battles with Sumeragi were not over, and that he would probably lose again. "Fuck," he murmured, wondering why he got bored and got himself into this kind of trouble all the time. None of the other Sakurazukamoris before him had ever been compelled to make bets with prey, or agree to their own death warrants through silly spells, or toyed with the idea of balance.

The Tree mentioned something about him being the black sheep of the family.

With a grunt he pulled himself out of the misery of Subaru's bed, found something to put on and walked towards the door, dimly aware of the smell of cooking.

Subaru was making breakfast for them. How utterly ... Subaru of him.

He watched the Sumeragi scurry around his kitchen, preparing a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. A feat that probably would have been much easier if he had been using both of his hands.

"How's your arm?" he asked, his voice low and gruff.

Although Subaru had somehow managed to pop it back into it's socket (that boy never ceased to amaze him), it was probably still aching terribly. He noted the ice pack that Subaru applied to it whether he had a free second.

Subaru shrugged, wincing alittle, "It's alright. I'll live."

"I'm sorry about that," he didn't know why he said that ... he wasn't the slightest bit sorry about anything.

"Want some breakfast? I wasn't sure if you preferred a more traditional meal or not--"

"It's fine," Seishirou said sharply, taking the dish out of his hand and sitting down to mope and eat... but mostly mope.

He could feel Subaru staring at him. And he almost sensed that the Sumeragi was somehow angered by his attitude, although he couldn't imagine why. So Seishirou was a sore loser, what was Subaru expecting? With a frown the onmyouji picked up the morning paper, "Hmmm... interesting, Seishirou-san do you follow politics."

Seishirou glanced suspiciously at Subaru, "no ... should I?"

"Aa, proposition 320 just passed."

"Great," Seishirou yawned, poking his eggs with a fork cautiously. "More pointless legislation. Yay for democracy... what's proposition 320? Another traffic code?"

"Noooo... actually their going to pave over Ueno park and put in a supermarket." Subaru smirked from behind the paper.

He could hear the Tree, never very good with humor herself, choking with startled _"What?!?!?!"_ and Seishirou sighed.

"That is so not even funny Subaru-kun."

Subaru shrugged and went back to preparing his own breakfast. After nine years of suffering, he thought he was entitled to a little gloating. "I thought it was rather amusing."

"No, you see, you're giving the Tree an anxiety attack. It's going to take me all day to explain to her that there are no bulldozers coming, that sweet, innocent little Subaru-kun has a very sick sense of humor."

"I thought this would be the sort of thing you'd find rather amusing, buying produce where blood sacrifices were made so regularly. Tell me," he said as he took his seat next to Seishirou. "What would you do if it was going to happen?"

"It wouldn't, no politician on the planet would be so crazy as to tear down Ueno Park."

Subaru's stare sharpened and he leaned forward. "But what if they did? Humor me."

Seishirou's eyes shifted up the younger man's face, matching Subaru's strong will with his own glare. Their eyes locked and they stared at each other for a long time before Seishirou hissed, "isn't it obvious? The Tree as her own defenses, it has stood there for thousands of years ... when the expansion of Tokyo threatened it's survival, it presence urged people the preserve it in that Park. Normal people don't have the will to wish harm upon that tree. So if they did tear down that park, the Tree would be untouched I promise you. It would be left to stand in some garden, or on the side of some street, or in the middle of the goddamn parking lot. But it would be there.

"And if by some chance someone did have the will to harm the Tree, she has her own defenses. She can't use magic in any controlled sense like you and I, but she can give off a nasty shock if needed."

"What if she couldn't?"

Seishirou sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger. "This is an idiotic line of questioning Subaru-kun, even for you. If there was some threat that the Tree couldn't defend herself from I would kill it."

Subaru leaned back in his seat, nibbling at his toast thoughtfully. "I'm curious about how far you'd go though.. If there were 10 people that threatened the Tree would you kill them all? If they were a hundred? A Thousand? An army, storming down on the Tree... Does it make no difference how many people there are?"

"What you're suggesting though, is a totally impossible situation."

"Maybe," Subaru shrugged. "I want to know anyway."

Seishirou looked up again, "why?"

"I'd like to understand the man I'm sleeping with ... you almost killed me last night."

For a moment Subaru saw something curious is Seishirou's eyes, a tinge of guilt, he thought. Perhaps regret as well?

"I've never thought about it," Seishirou admitted softly. "If I was put in that situation ... I'd find some way to remove the threat.."

Subaru raised an eyebrow as he rocked back and forth, balancing his chair on it's back legs. "But not necessarily killing?"

"Killing a hundred people or more would be impractical Subaru-kun. There are other ways to go about it, kill a few easily and scores of men will become afraid enough to be considered incapacitated. Break a few of the right bones and make any man incapable of feeding himself let alone hurting the Tree. Death is not essential. Killing more than hundred would be too much work."

"But," Subaru pressed. "If it was possible for you kill them all, with a spell say ... would you?"

"If all of them were capable of harming the Tree, yes."

"But you'd prefer not to kill that many people all at once?"

Seishirou frowned, pointing accusingly at Subaru with his fork, "I think Subaru-kun your trying to find something in the semantics that isn't there. Avoiding unnecessary inconvenience and mercy are not the same thing."

"That is true," Subaru hummed lightly. "But why would it matter if they were really a threat to the Tree or not? If killing people truly means absolutely nothing more than breaking a thing to you ... why would it matter?"

Seishirou's eyes glared at his sharply, "would you break all the dishes in your kitchen Subaru-kun, because breaking one dish doesn't matter? It's wasteful, excessive and totally unnecessary."

Subaru stared up at his ceiling, rocking the chair back and forth still. "No," he admitted. "I guess I wouldn't."


	6. Chapter 5

His wing sagged painfully onto his shoulder as he laid snuggled in Subaru's lap, his head rested under Subaru's chin ... like he was afraid of leaving the onmyouji's shelter and slipping away. The Sumeragi's hand was softly stroking up and down his spine, trying in afford him some degree of comfort and security. Rocky knew that the light wards Subaru had put up would keep their presence masked for the night, but that didn't make anything feel any better. 

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?" Subaru asked.

Night had fallen long ago, the full moon hung boldly in the sky before them-- bathing the forest and all the creatures she sheltered in pure silver light. Subaru knew there was no reason for concern, Seishirou was not one to pursue. He would instead simply wait patiently for them to recover and begin the hunt a new.

It had been like this ever since left Tokyo. He ran, Seishirou followed leisurely. He did not know why it was he ran, he knew he would have to face Seishirou eventually. He knew that he should have died in the Tokyo. He had accepted all of these things long ago.

But he didn't want to fight Seishirou. He needed more time.

"For..." Rocky trailed off. "Being..."

Subaru smiled, "you don't have to apologize for your existence, least of all to me."

"I know," Rocky frowned, his left wing fluttered a bit.

He nuzzled Subaru's neck a little, enjoying the closeness while he could have it. He wasn't sure why Subaru didn't mind resting like this. Maybe it was that the onmyouji was too far away, lost in his own thoughts, too care. Perhaps Rocky could never really touch Subaru at all so the presence of his body draped over the onmyouji's in an almost desperate hug was of no bother.

"I sorry because..." he trailed off again, and this time Subaru showed no interested in exploring the matter. The Sumeragi was leaning against the truck of some kind of pine tree, his eyes staring up at the sky, his hand continuing those gentle stokes until they became nothing more than a rhythm.

"Subaru?"

"Mm?"

"I love you."

The Sumeragi eyes glanced down out the boy in his arms briefly. "You're sorry because you love me?"

Rocky nodded sadly. "I'm sorry ... I know that's more of a burden on you than it is on me."

Subaru smiled politely, "you love me so much you would wish your own existence away for my convenience?"

"Yes..."

"Why?"

"Because I would..."

"No I mean, why do you love me that much?"

"Because, you gave the world to me. You freed my heart and opened it to all these new feelings," The unbroken wing extended a bit and Rocky looked over his shoulder at it. "A new range of physical sensations too. How can I not love Subaru? You give me a life and than a purpose to live it."

"Oh," Subaru remarked casually. "A purpose, and what might that be?"

He chose not to answer directly, "Will you let me stay Subaru? I know in my state I'll only be a liability. But I want to stay with you."

Subaru's hand reached out and with utmost care touched Rocky's broken and bloody right wing. The boy flinched in his arms but tried to remain still for the onmyouji, who's fingers ran over the reset bone gently. "In a couple of days, this will be as good as new. What concerns me is that it will probably be stronger than the other wing after it heals."

"So I'll have to fly sideways?" Rocky grinned.

Subaru looked amused, "maybe I'll just break the other one and even things out."

The boy shuttered in his arms, the memory of the incredible pain still fresh in his mind. "Don't even kid about that."

Subaru fell silent, his fingers stroking the base of Rocky's neck now. His eyes drawn closed in the face of a distant memory. Memories reexamined so many time he sometimes doubted whether they were his, or some story he had invented and told himself over and over again. He kept thinking about a bird Hokuto found when they were kids, how she brought it home and mothered it relentlessly for it too had a broken wing. He had been fascinated but afraid of it then. He had wanted to comfort it but had been to afraid of hurting it, for the creature was terrified of them. It would make the most horrible screams in protest anytime either of the twins got near, until...

Until Seishirou came over, soothed, and set the bird's wing. He wondered if somehow Rocky was the reincarnation of that tiny thing ... reaching out to him like they had to it.

"You can stay for as long as you like,"  
------------

Subaru Sumeragi was like a dark shadow in the vast olive drab Atlantic ocean, undefinable. A vague shape unidentified as one thing or another. It could be a school of fish, it could be a mass of seaweed, or a playful dolphin or curious sated whale.

Then again ... it could also be a shark.

Like the Lochness monster Subaru was a pursued shadow by the very nature of what he might be. He was a Sumeragi, not just a Sumeragi ... but **the** Sumeragi. That made him a coveted creature to begin with, everyone wanting to lay a claim to him with a glance, a conversation, or some other interaction. The mystery that Subaru's pain afforded him only added to that.

It was a source that first pricked my interest in the Sumeragi. A priest in Tokyo with an affinity for gossip...

"They found a blood trail leading down that alley over there," he hissed with excitement. "But no body! Amazing, you'd think this would be the safest part of Tokyo. But the violence of the city exists even here!"

I nodded, wishing to politely get back to whatever he were talking about to begin with.

"They haven't been able the find any clues about it either... just that blood trail. People in the community are already starting to whisper about the Sakurazukamori."

By "community" he meant the spiritual network. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, I thought Tokyo based priest were a little more sensible then to fall for superstition ... whatever kind of mythical creature a Sakurazukamori was.

"Becareful, when you travel around," my priest friend winked at me. "And who you talk to. It just may be the Sakurazukamori."

I was irritated, not being fond of ghost stories myself. "And what might the Sakurazukamori be?" I asked coldly.

"The dark assassin ... the black onmyouji who uses onmyoujitsu for evil. Guardian of the Sakura."

To me, a foreigner, that seemed like three completely different answers.

"The Gardener from Hell ... sounds charming, I'll make a note."

The priest smiled, amused by my cold humor. I was not a child who would be frightened easily by something so ridiculous. "Well ... there hasn't been talk of the Sakurazukamori in the community for a long time... He's dead after all."

"Let me guess ... deranged pool boy?"

My friend laughed heartily. "No one knows, he may be out there somewhere still. Only Sumeragi-san would be able to tell you."

"Sumeragi-san?" I said, knowing he had mentioned that name before and flipping through my notes for it. "You mean of the Sumeragi family?"

"Aa... Subaru Sumeragi, he's the head of the family now. Even if his Grandmother still handles most of the trivial duties..."

"Well I suppose being the head of the highest magickal family in Japan he's bond to know..."

"No, no, no," he hushed me firmly. "It's not just that, Sumeragi-san is said to have personal connections to the Sakurazukamori."

I frowned, "personal? Personal how? What do they have poker night with the Dali Lama and the Emperor?"

The priest scowled at my sarcasm. "It's all very hush-hush, only selected people know the details." He leaned closer to me as if the street was filled with ears just dying to hear his vague grasp of the facts. "They say ... well they say a great many things. Even holy people let their imaginations escape once in while. But it seems certain that the Sukaruzukamori was responsible for the disappearance of Hokuto Sumeragi. And there are rumors that Sumeragi-san might have something to do with the Sukaruzukamori's uncertain death."

"So he killed him to avenge his sister?"

"Perhaps," the priest shrugged. "Either way it's an interesting story."

It was.

"I wonder," I asked. "If you know where I might find Sumeragi-san?"

The priest's expression squirmed a bit. "Do you have some sort of specific problem to discuss?"

"No," I assured. "But I would like to pursue this fairy tale a bit."

"Sumeragi-san does not take visitors. If you want to speak with him, you'll have to go through the family in Kyoto."

I frowned, "but he lives and works here in Tokyo, surely there must be some way ... a place he frequents perhaps?"

He bit his lip anxiously. "I know he'll be working tonight, you may catch him heading home then, but don't expect him to see you. As I said he very rarely takes jobs not handled through the family in Kyoto."

"I understand." And that night I found myself sitting on the curb a block away from Subaru's apartment.

I waited much longer than I expected to, but finally late in the evening I saw the thin figure of a man, in his mid-twenties, that matched what I had heard about the Sumeragi head. "Sumeragi-dono!" I called out, rushing towards him confidently.

Subaru was startled by my sudden infringement on his isolation, and flinched at my call. "What do you want?"

No 'Who are you?', no introductions, straight to the point. "I wanted to be able to listen to your story."

Subaru frowned and walked past me, not inquiring what I meant specifically as most do. "Not interested."

"But," I began. "As the head of such a powerful family..."

A hiss.

And before I could tell what or where it came from, a black shadow rose above Subaru. It's eyes narrowed, glowering with an unnatural purple light, and stared at me like a row of archers. In the velvet sky it's exact shape was cloudy. A mere dark mass of enormous size swooping towards me in an attack with another hiss.

Like any sane person would have under the circumstances, I covered my face and prepared to die.

Only nothing happened.

When I finally drew my face out from the safe darkness my arms had made for it, I saw Subaru-dono holding my squabbling would-be assassin, who turned out to be no more than a boy on the cusp of his late teens, by the nap of his neck like a puppy.

"What have I told you about that?" Subaru asked sternly.

"Owowow... Subaru that hurts!!" the boy whined. "I was just trying to scare him away!"

The Sumeragi set the boy down on his feet. "What are you doing here?"

The boy shrugged, a playful lopsided grin on his face. "Out looking for you, I wanted to ask you something..."

The frown did not subside. "You shouldn't be out flying alone."

The boy snorted, "Alone? Alone? Who's going to go with me Subaru?"

Subaru lifted one of his ofuda silently.

"Feh," he folded the wings onto his back-- and immediately I realized it was those black things that had made such a small teenager look huge and threatening. "Those silly things can never keep up. You worry too much Subaru, it's not like I'm going to go splat on the windshield of a lowflying plane."

For a second, it appeared a smile broke onto Subaru's face. "And of course no one will ever notice a slightly demonic looking creature weaving through skyscrapers, because this is Tokyo right?"

The boy frowned.

"And no one would ever _ever_ think to call the papers or the police if they did seen it? Especially not a large group of people right?"

The winged creature blushed and shrugged meekly, "that wasn't my fault..."

"It was _entirely_ your fault, and my Grandmother was not at all happy about it."

Apparently buzzing Tokyo Tower had become one of Rocky's favorite past times. An observation deck full of people one afternoon had caused quite a scandal for the Sumeragi. Of course no one outside the magickal community-- save for the witnesses-- believed the story, but his Grandmother had to handle a few more panicked calls from priests and onmyouji then she was prepared to. She, who had not been entirely pleased with her grandson's decision to give the boy such a feature in the first place, was very frank about her opinion on the matter.

"Ummmm...excuse me," I interrupted timidly.

Both young men looked down at me curiously, they had apparently forgotten all about my presence among them.

"I ... well, if you don't mind... what the hell is going on?"

Rocky looked expectantly at Subaru, who shrugged casually and told the boy, "your problem now," before walking back toward his apartment.

"What? Can't you just ... you know ... the memory thing." Rocky smiled hopefully at Subaru, his eyes pleading with the older man.

"No," Subaru said calmly, pulling a cigarette out of pocket and lighting it. It was one of the few times I can recall him giving into that lingering addiction. "You're going to have to start cleaning up after your own mistakes. Don't rely on me to pull you out of these things."

Rocky looked back at me, his face a mix regret and uneasiness. "If you hadn't of stopped me..."

"Then you'd likely be in much more trouble, there are a lot of psychos out there ... how many 'strange winged demon' reports do you think they need before they start pointing their rifles at the sky instead of each other?"

Rocky bit his lip, "I don't know how to fix this Subaru..."

Subaru shrugged and began to walk away again, "I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"But--"

There was a howl in the wind and their voices drained from their throats. Subaru looked around, a frown drawn tightly on his face, his eyes searching for something we could not see. He was suddenly tense, prepared to move into battle at any moment.

It was probably just the wind curving around the high-rise buildings I thought.

Rocky's wings fanned out, the breeze causing their leather to puff and lift him slightly. "Neh Subaru?"

Subaru nodded, reaching in his coat for something. "Stay down," he instructed.

Rocky frowned but snapped his wings closed, causing his heels to drop back to the ground. Even I could see that if something was to attack us, the boy would have the advantage of much greater maneuverability in the air. On the ground he was vulnerable, slow and clumsy. "Should I...?"

The sense of tension in the air did not die, but a heard the Sumeragi sigh as if as had been settled. Subaru relaxed, straightening up and shaking a silent 'No.' It did not look, to me at least, like the danger was over, only that the onmyouji had resigned himself to it. "It's nothing, why don't you head home? ... I'll take care of this."

There was a powerful chill in the air, even I ... a so called 'normal person' could sense it. No doubt it was dancing across Rocky's senses, taunting him with obvious danger that could easily overpower the Sumeragi.

"But..."

Subaru put his hands together and began to chant sacred words softly to himself. We stood waiting in haunting silence as the words left unspeakable impression on our minds. They have no translation, I'm told, merely something unconscious expressed in sound. The will of a power that cannot be conceived in digestible symbols, only the abstract.

There was a high pitched shriek, most definitely not the wind this time, and a blue whip of liquid light lashed out from the darkness.

An explosion of blood. Rocky let out a choked cry and shot forward, smoke walls wafting between us and Subaru. He kept his wings close, allowing them to carry him with a leap into the mist. "Subaru!!!"

Rocky's slight body dove in as two white birds shot out. The unseen threat wailed at the attack, whether in pain or anger I cannot say.

When the smoke clearly enough to cast only a thin screen I saw Rocky huddled close to the onmyouji, trying to help him up, or possibly trying to shield him from further attack. Subaru gruffly pushed him away, clasping his injured arm angrily. He said something to the boy, who nodded like a soldier and took to the sky.

I saw the shape of a woman, her soul enraged. She looked as if she was made of mist, the hallow spots where her eyes should be glaring at Subaru. She opened her mouth and no sound came out.

I don't know what Rocky managed to do to divert her attention. But her long arms were snapping at him in the sky like spears.

The boy was incredibly agile in the air, darting and swirling and evading each attack almost effortlessly. His eyes only half open, short hair flowing about him, his wings shaping the wind's power to his need-- flipping and rolling and diving-- he was ecstasy in flight. Like a paper streamer caught in the breeze.

I heard a shout from Subaru and with a violent hiss the spirit was gone, falling prey to whatever banishment the Sumeragi had used.

Rocky dropped out the sky and landed in a run, calling out to Subaru with heavy panting.

"Rough day at work?" I asked the onmyouji who, to my surprise, actually smiled with a painful shrug.

Rocky scowled and placed himself between us, facing Subaru. "We need to get you to the hospital," he said.

Subaru brushed himself off apathetically. "I'm fine."

The boy was caught off guard, his mouth hanging slightly open as he clicked his tongue in disapproval. The Sumeragi was obviously in a lot of pain and his blood was decorating the street with deep scars of red. The wound was starting to close, but it was deep and stitches would be wise. All this was obvious to Rocky but whatever protest the boy was going to make he swallowed, "let's get you home then."  
------------

"Do you always run away from the people you love Subaru-kun?" Seishirou lifted his arm gently, a dark hawk appearing, perched on his shoulder. His face was decidedly neutral, but his eyes were sharpened with an unnatural thrill.

One of the many disadvantages in teaching the Sakurazukamori to feel ... his new sense of battle exhilaration.

"Do you always try to force violence out of the people you love Seishirou-san?"

"I have no idea, I've never loved anyone before."

Subaru supposed that was true, but he frowned anyway. "I'm afraid I'm missing the point of this part of the game."

Seishirou shrugged, "only the last step Subaru-kun, before the end."

Subaru nodded, not understanding a word of it, but accepting it all the same. The time had come from his promised death. He drew his ofuda, though he was not ready for it yet. He thought that he wanted his death, and maybe he did, but... He was not ready to fight Seishirou, not like this. He loved him so much, and he did not doubt that Seishirou felt the same ... he couldn't understand how the man could be capable of even preposing such a duel. "Shall we begin then?"

"No," Seishirou said calmly, his bird fading into nothingness. "I could force you into it ... that after all wasn't beyond you, but I perfer not to."

They had spent months playing this game, Subaru running rather than fight Seishirou, Seishirou hunting him. But it was a meaningless hunt, there only to remind Subaru of the inevitable. That he could not run forever and one day he would come to the battlefield ready for death.

He could not understand why so much had changed, yet so much stayed the same. Have the love he gave to Seishirou changed nothing? The man still wanted to kill him...

"How very kind of you," Subaru snorted.  
--------------

For a while Rocky flew in circles over Tokyo. He did not even notice, the pain was so great, so encompassing, it consumed all of his thoughts. He knew only that it was necessary that he leave, that the pain would only be slower and worse if he stayed.

That knowledge ... it did not stop the tears. It did not stop the nervous burning in his wrists. It did not stop the ache in his chest. To know that he must leave or suffer and force Subaru to suffer. It did not make anything better.

He let his wings just carry him with the will of the wing, body limp and tired. Gliding, endlessly gliding, aimless, broken among the clouds and soft chill that hung over Tokyo. Not carrying much where he was going

Breathing was a bit difficult because he was so high up, and it drained the tears out of him quickly. It was hard to sob when one couldn't breath. It was good, he thought. He didn't want to know that he was crying. He didn't want to think about how good it felt to sob out the loss.

He dropped rather quickly, probably faster than was safe, he's wings losing the breeze. He didn't especially care. It was not that he was suicidal, it was that the feeling of the wind rushing passed him was therapeutic. The cool breeze massaging his ever sense as he fell faster and faster.

His wings bulged as the breeze picked up again and she scooped Rocky out of his freefall. He watched the ground move underneath him. Watched the tiny people walking, blissfully unaware of him. He watched his vague shadow moving slowly across the pavement.

After a while the people stopped flowing under him, trickling under to only an occasional dot under his gaze. He realized that it was quite late and that he had been aimlessly flying around for a couple of hours. He should have been far from Tokyo by now.

Rocky was not disobedient by nature. Neither was it in his nature to be deceitful. So when he landed in, what he realized was, the middle of Ueno Park he did not do it to intentionally thwart anything. He did it because while gliding effortlessly, his eyes half lidded and lonely, he caught sight of something that forced him to land.

The sight stiffened his whole body, making him fall like a stone whether he wished to or not.

It was a body, a bloody mess of a person. Lying their on the park's soft organic carpet. The tips of the green grass were smeared with a reddish black ink ... blood. As they swayed in the wind, they seemed like dancing knifes drinking the blood of the fallen...

Girl, not older than him. There was the massive wound in her chest, it seemed like her heart had just exploded and caused the blood to flood out of her, leaving behind this mess of tissue.

He stood there, watching the girl's cloudy eyes, like a doll's... glassy ... lifeless. Not sure what he should do.

As he stared, the scent of blood and the beginnings of decay fulling his nostrils, he noticed something unusual. The girl ... she seemed to be pointing to something. Pointing down the path into a darker, hidden part of the park.

"There..."

He continued to stare at her.

"There..."

He finally forced his eyes away from the image and looked up to where the dead girl pointed.

Then light torn through the trees, an explosion of the whitest light that forced him to look away. He felt a powerful chill run through him and without thought his body sprang to life, running quickly through the trees to the source of the spell.

More blood. White... black... and red mating creating pinks and grays. He felt as if the image had been frozen in a snow globe in front of him. He couldn't speak, the words pounded in his head, playing over and playing like a record that was skipping, but his voice had left him.

Seishirou Sakurazuka was dead.

Startled out of whatever trance he had been lured into the survivor turned to him. A man much older than him, with eyes that seemed so much younger. Blood streaked across his face and washed over his arms.

"Subaru..."

"I've lost it..." the Sumeragi said.


	7. Chapter 6

Metals and salts merge and mated in a flow of heavy liquid, mostly water ... a water bonded by sticky life. Life that clung to your skin, a supple glue, but flaked when dried and dead. 

Blood. The scent of blood. And cigarettes.

He was not surprised to see Seishirou by his window with one foot stepping inside his room, his hand holding onto the frame steadily, as he opened his eyes. Sleep faded away like it had never existed and for a moment his just watched the man furnished by darkness, appearing to stand in the shadow of moonlight, in perfect calm and alertness.

"Konbanwa Seishirou-san."

He took some pleasure in seeing the sound of his voice made the Sakurazukamori tense just a little-- no one else would have noticed it, but he knew the way Seishirou carried himself far too well. He spotted it easily.

Seishirou turned, half of his face catching moonlight as the other caught deeper shadows, he glared angrily at Subaru as he entered through the open window.

Subaru sat up a little, studying his opponent with exacting care. He knew that it would happen again, but he didn't anticipate it being quite this soon. Only three days had past since he and the dark onmyouji had shared a bed. Somehow he thought that Seishirou would be a little more reluctant.

He looked into those eyes, one an unseeing white, and saw anger burning hotly in them. That was a good sign, Subaru thought, even if his body trembled at the prospect of another night of violence like before.

Anger, Seishirou was angry about something, and directing that anger at Subaru ... blaming him.

There was a thick coat of blood almost up to Seishirou's elbows. Blood almost smothering his once white dress shirt. Blood straining his black coat blacker. Blood that was still warm and slippery on Seishirou's hands ... he had just come from the kill.

It occurred to Subaru that of all the times he had seen Seishirou kill, he had never seen him quite this bloody. Killing was a messy business, but Seishirou had always been ruthless efficient at it. He barely got his cuffs dirty.

Anger...

Tonight's kill had been tough, Subaru thought with much satisfaction. Had he seen something too familiar in the eyes of his victim? Fear, desperation, panic, loss of control...?

The irony of it was not lost on Subaru.

Seishirou walked up to the foot of his bed, resting one knee on it firmly. His eyes never left Subaru's, laced with the kind of determination Subaru didn't think the Sakurazukamori possessed.

Slowly, like a cautious mountain lion on dangerous terrain, Seishirou climbed up on the bed, pulling himself up so that he hovered above the Sumeragi. There was the scent of blood and death all over him. And the scent of fear, but Subaru was not entirely sure if it was the victim's fear.

"How's the Sakura?" Subaru asked casually. They were so close he could feel the tip of his nose brush Seishirou's.

"Content ... for now."

"Really?" Subaru lifted an eyebrow. "Cause it looks like you're wearing more of her meal than she got out of it."

That produced the desired effect. There was a flare, even in that dead white eye, of pure hatred. Seishirou eyebrows were knitted together in a hot and angry glare as he pushed one knee between the Sumeragi's legs and pulled himself up further on the bed. His long black trenchcoat swallowed up Subaru's body.

He run his fingers over the bruises on Subaru's neck, leaving trails on blood sticking to the skin. "Cute Subaru-kun ... cute as always."

Oh this was going to be interesting, Subaru thought. So Seishirou would not be lured into the same mistakes again...

"Neh Seishirou-san, too what do I owe this pleasure? It's quite late you know."

"I'm curious as to where the boy I knew went, and why this _thing_ was left in his place."

He did not give Subaru the time to answer him, as he spoke his hand cupped the Sumeragi's cheek and pulled his head up so that their lips touched. It was an unusual kiss, almost maddening in its gentleness. Subaru could feel the blood dragging across his skin, drying and cracking against the surface, as Seishirou's thumb slid along his cheek bone.

He felt a harsh pull on his hair as the thick pasty blood clung to the black strands, Seishirou's hand stroking Subaru's head tenderly. A tiny whimper escaped his lips as he felt Seishirou's breath slowly pass his ear and kisses fall to his neck.

Seishirou paused, his lips pulling back just enough to break contact with the skin.

Caution.

For a moment they simply stared at each other. Then, Seishirou pushed the blankets away from Subaru's bare chest and slowly began to kiss lightly down it. He felt Subaru try to suppress a tremble as those lips skimmed across one erect nipple.

And he felt a surge of pleasure at the very idea. This was the way things were suppose to be, Subaru was his. His to pleasure or torture as he saw, his life to take and no one else's. His tongue licked slowly over the surface, extracting a small gasp out of the Sumeragi.

He sucked gently, one hand pushing the covers further down his lover's body. Shifting his weight his pressed down on the Sumeragi's hips, straddling the young man ... Welcoming back that which was once again **his**.

Subaru's hands weakly played with the edge of his coat, trying to push it off the Sakurazukamori's shoulders and out of the way. But they gave up easily and retreated back to the buttons of Seishirou's bloodied shirt, working them open clumsily. He felt Seishirou's smile curve up against his skin as the man removed his dark coat and pushed it off the bed. The Sakurazukamori grabbed his wrists harshly, eyes sparkling with a deep pleasure that went far beyond the physical.

Seishirou finished unlocking himself from the smooth white cotton, his eyes never leaving the spellbound Sumeragi. Subaru, who watched with a mix of arousal and awe, leaning back on his arms, clothed only in a pair of thin cotton pajama bottoms. Subaru, who in that moment looked infinitely small, so easily overpowered in his bed of lush white sheets-- now heavily stained with bloody paw prints. Subaru who believed so much in people he would lie in the bed of his enemy, treated those who wished to harm him with unimaginable care, who blamed himself for every wrong ever committed. Subaru who was sad for others, even Seishirou.

He was fascinated by this behavior. He kissed the Sumeragi's cheek gently and drew those thin wrists up to his chest. His Subaru, who moaned lightly when he kissed down his belly, tongue flicking over the delicate navel. He worked his thumbs under the waist band of Subaru's pants, feeling the Sumeragi tense-- those beautiful green eyes opening fully, glazing over with lust but frightened and innocent all the same.

Slowly, almost tortuously so, he slid the garment down Subaru hips, over his knees, until finally the onmyouji kicked them off in shear frustration. With desperation Subaru rose and wrapped his arms around the Sakurazukamori, burying his face in the crook of Seishirou's neck.

It amused Seishirou, to watch his prey begging for contact so. He enjoyed it a great deal, it stirred up this powerful warm pleasure inside him. He wanted to feel the Sumeragi shudder against him. He wanted to hear him moan, and he want to feel Subaru trying to keep control of himself as Seishirou drove him into deeper and deeper pleasure.

It was an unusual desire, to really want that rather than just harboring the idea of toying with Subaru. It was one thing to want to watch his match be torn apart by sexual desire and principle ... it was quite another to actually want it just for what it was.

But for now all that matter was that, it was clear as the Sumeragi clung to him, he was in control.

Gently he slid his palms over Subaru's shoulders, pushing him back onto the bed, kissing his soft lips sweetly. "Neh Subaru-kun, or you all right? You're making all these strange sounds.." His hand slid down between them, brushing over the hardness that throbbed for his touch. Subaru tried to bite back a moan and stared up at Seishirou, eyes pleading like the rest of his body.

Seishirou's hand made another pass, one finger slowly dragging up the length. Blood meeting blood filled organ teasingly. "Do you like that Subaru-kun?"

A shuddered gasp and Subaru nodded vigorously, his entire body tense and waiting.

The Sakurazukamori experienced a buzz the likes of which he had never known before. Killing had always been amusing. Teasing Subaru had always been enjoyable. The young supple body has always been desirable. But having it here, pleading with him for something that only he could give it. Controlling Subaru and dominating him so completely... "Mmmm?" he nuzzled Subaru's chest, letting his weight slide down against his quivering lover.

"Please..."

Seishirou's finger brushed over the Sumeragi's moist, flushed lower lip, laying his face down on the younger man's belly, looking up at him curiously. "So polite. Please what Subaru-kun?"

Subaru closed his eyes, swallowing hard, and Seishirou could almost taste the suffering Subaru endured in trying to admit the sin that he wanted. To sleep with someone he was suppose to destroy. To abandon himself and give in to it. To want the corruption of his own principles.

"Please..." as if awaiting a strike his body tensed, eyes sealed shut. "Do that again."

Seishirou smiled, kissing just below Subaru's bellybutton before sliding further down and repeating the motion ... with his tongue.

The Sumeragi froze below him with a sudden gasp, his hands gripping the sheets desperately as if they could keep him from falling. He left out a deep moan as heat swallowed him up. "Sei--sei--shirou..."

The dark onmyouji's hot moist breath curved around the sensitive shaft as he teased Subaru relentlessly. Licking, sucking, skimming his teeth gently over the surface. Each moment extracting a gasp out of his Subaru.

Those tender hips that he held down as he tortured the Sumeragi squirmed under him. He ran one hand down Subaru's leg gently, savoring every touch. His hand unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, kicking off his shoes and removing the last bit of clothing standing between him and what was rightfully his.

Subaru's legs folded over Seishirou's shoulders, knowing that Seishirou would not give up his advantage until they were done. His hands reached out for the darkness of the man that would be his lover, desperate, needy.

Seishirou smirked and leaned forward to hover over Subaru possessively. His fingers brushed the side of the Sumeragi's face tenderly. "Tonight, I will make you mine again, Subaru-kun. Then your blood will flow for the sakura..."

"Yes..." Subaru breathed.

The answer amused Seishirou. The Sumeragi's eyes were in a daze, a bright glow from the back of his hands illuminating him in the dark room. For a moment Seishirou wondered if Subaru had any idea what he was saying, or whether the need was too great for him to care.

He looked aimlessly around Subaru's bed room, seeing no need to risk the control pleasure gave him over his prey. There were plenty of things he could use to keep Subaru's pleasure more constant ... he just had to find the closest--

"Nightstand, first drawer.." Subaru panted, moving against Seishirou as if telling him to hurry.

Seishirou raise an eyebrow curiously. "My, my Subaru-kun ... seeing other men behind my back? You little slut." He smiled as he stretched over to the drawer and pulled it open.

He decided not to tease Subaru much more. The younger man's whole body was flushed with pleasure, the creamy skin glowing brightly in the darkness. Filled with that light that only arousal can bring forth.

A low moan worked it's way slowly out of Subaru's throat like a purr as Seishirou pushed in. His face turned away, eyes closed softly, body sparkling with sweat, muscles relaxed in perfect surrender. Each breath that passed those soft pink lips made an intoxicating mewing sound in the air.

The feeling of Subaru wrapped tightly around him was pleasurable, the sight below him was more so. Seishirou pulled out a bit and pushed back in, watching Subaru's rolled his head to the other side and his arms move, trying to grasp the invisible waves of pleasure. He thrusted again, until he had worked up a rhythm that pounded pleasure into his prey's body but would not overwhelm him into Seishirou decided too.

And Seishirou as watched, his eyes clouded in pleasure it was suddenly not the form of the 25 year old under him anymore. But the young undeveloped body of the 16 boy he had claimed years ago. He pushed deeper into the young boy, feeling a sudden rush in the hallucination. A pleasure greater than pleasure ... a need in himself to have this boy.

The soft cries of desire below him slipped away with the realization. To know that he wanted to have Subaru like this so badly he almost needed it.

The pleasure of the friction between them was disrrupting his thoughts, but he could not stop it ... it felt too good to stop. The thin, girlish body, soft black hair-- grown long enough to touch his chin, innocent green eyes filled with a bright pure light, long eye lashes, the face of a child. Subaru moaned and his thick hair brushed across his forehead.

Seishirou leaned down to kiss that forehead, licking a flakey traces of blood off the pale, soft skin. Feeling the pleasure flooding him quickly now, he held onto Subaru in hopes of keeping them closer and driving everything further. Just alittle further.

He wasn't sure when Subaru fell silent, or when the moans he heard in his head were his own. But where once he was surfing over the peaceful, submissive, sea ... now he had swam to far out and waves of pleasure were washing over him as he struggled to keep himself from drowning.

He looked down out the boy, who's eyes opened gracefully and turned to look at him. They were not the eyes of the child, not innocent, not emotional. They were not the eyes of the adult either, not cold, not in pain. They were the eyes he had seen only once before, calm, peaceful, loving.

He didn't have anytime to react, the act had distracted him enough to let the undertoe drag him under the crest of white sea foam. He let out a panicked moan, his body didn't seem to want nor care to listen to his pride telling it to fight. There was no fight as he came, feeling the Sumeragi's own pleasure running down his thigh-- but that hardly seemed to matter. Subaru had lured him perfectly, catching him completely off guard like an innocent lamb without the shelter of it's experienced mother.

He felt drained of everything, too exhausted to do anything but fall into Subaru's waiting arms. "Damn you," he hissed. "You tricked me..."

His words were nothing more than mutters, body slowly dragging what was left of his thoughts to sleep.

"Mmm-Hmm.." Subaru hummed, his hand stroking through Seishirou's hair tenderly.  
------------

"You must let her go, I'm begging you to."

Kamui looked up, his normally empty eyes filled with curiosity. "Why is this so important to you?"

The Sumeragi relaxed, a gentle smile grazing his face. "Because no creature that wants to live as badly as you do should die like this."

"What makes you think I want to live?"

"Because you hold onto it so badly. If wanted to die you could easily let go of her, there'd be no reason to hold on to anything."

"I can't," Kamui said finally. "It's kind of you to pursue this but ... I can't."

Subaru lowered his eyes, casting a dark shadow over his face when he said, "there is ... one thing I can do."

"Can I keep her?"

"If you absolutely must."

"What is it?"

He crouched down at the boy's bedside, taking the frail hand in his. "I can channel and reshape it," Subaru began. "I can take that power, everything that you're holding inside and give it physical form."

Kamui frowned, "like reincarnation or some sort?"

"No, it will still be apart of you ... just a physical part ... it's the only other option." He touched Kamui's chest gently, right over his pounding heart. "There's only room for one here."

"Will you do that?"

"If I must."

Kamui nodded, "Thank you Subaru-san."

Subaru shut his eyes, not wanting anyone to see the bitter tears. It was so wrong, to aid in the trapping of a human soul. It went against everything he was suppose to uphold. But if this boy had enough power to bind her there, Subaru couldn't force him to set her free. And lately...

His duties as a Sumeragi hardly seemed important anymore. He had given them up when he first chose to embrace his relationship with the Sakurazukamori.

He had brought a few supplies should it have come to this. After he had entered the boy's heart the night before, he knew that there was very little he could do to help. But the imagine of those dead violet eyes haunted him all the same. Staring deeply into him from behind a wall of glass.

Until finally he realized the only other option.

With the white chalk he drew the appropriate Kanji on the floor at four points.

_Sei... Ki... Dou... Tai.._

His hand made the quick stroke marks with chalk as easily as if it was slippery ink caressing the hardwood floors while the boy watched curiously from his bed. The pure powder made dust trails as solid as paint across his room. It would hold, Subaru decided, not too much stress-- so he would have to be careful-- but it would hold.

When the circle was prepared he waved Kamui to stand with him in it's center. He spoke the word to activate the barrier knowing that should all that energy bound thickly inside Kamui somehow escape him he had to make sure it could not escape the room. Else, it would not only wreak havoc, it would kill Kamui.

As the circle flared with blue transparent light, Kamui took a small step back. The light exploded further from the floor and hissed up and around the half sphere. A barrier of wind and light. Subaru raised his hand and touched the boy's cheek. "Don't be afraid," he said gently. The power surged a little longer, whipping around them like a violent whirlwind and casting a soft liquid glow in the room. Then it settled and held tight, only a soft buzz reminding them of it's presence.

Kamui relaxed and let out a small sigh. He looked at Subaru questioningly, wondering what would come next.

"Kneel down over there," Subaru instructed. "This will probably take sometime and be quite painful.."

"Painful?" Kamui swallowed, his eyes twitching with tremors of panic.

"Yes," Subaru smiled. "It's not too late to--"

"No! ...no, let's do it."

Subaru sighed, slightly amused by the boy's determination. He could only vaguely understand the need to hold onto something that badly. To endure all forms of pain and suffering for it. "Powerful and stubborn, very well ... take off your shirt."

Kamui's fear froze him completely this time. "My shirt? Take it ... off?"

"That's correct, not strictly necessary but if you keep it on it will probably be ruined."

Kamui did as he was told, his eyes trusting but weary. "what now?"

"Leave the rest to me."

Subaru sank down in front of the boy and began chanting softly. Words that Kamui didn't understand.

Subaru's hand brushed his forehead and Kamui's eyes drifted shut obediently. He pressed his palm into Kamui's chest, grounding himself in the boy's energy-- feeling it flow across the skin. Then Subaru called out to that one place deep inside of Kamui, the crystal which held the source of trouble. He could feel that trapped power glow and answer him as Kamui shivered below his touch.

Venturing in just a little Subaru cast a more flexible barrier around the crystal and drew a pentacle on the hard surface Kamui's power had forged. It trembled but did not give in completely. Subaru smiled, he had been counting on a little resistance from Kamui here.

Gently he created a small breach in the hard shell and slipped back into himself as what had been caged began to flood out.

Kamui shuddered, feeling his insides melt as they're were freed from their prison. His shoulders sagged a little, a great force neither pain nor pleasure over taking him. Subaru pressed his palm more firmly on Kamui's chest as if to steady him and reached inside the boy not with his heart or mind but with his will.

The boy gasped, it was as if Subaru hands were pushing inside of him. Like his body was made of gel that mounded around the onmyouji's touch as those hands-- not of physical body but of spiritual-- pushed in.

Subaru was gentle, and there was a calming warmth there radiated from those hands. But still, it was an intrusion, and it hurt, as Kamui's own power resisted it ... tried to push Subaru away.

Kamui bit his lip, trembling as the force went deeper. He felt Subaru's lips up against his ear and the man whispered gently to him. The words were soothing, but he did not understand them and could not decide whether that was because they were spoken in some sacred language, or because his sense were swirling. Even if he could not process the exact sounds, they were flawless in their purpose ... seeming to say "It's all right, just relax... Trust me."

"I do trust you," Kamui mumbled, knowing almost immediately that Subaru did not understand what had provoked the statement. He gave in gingerly, feeling the Sumeragi move through him and then touch him deeply.

He collapsed onto Subaru's shoulder with a harsh cry as the formless hands took hold of his heart. It hurt so very much, his body trembled and tensed with pain. A pain he could stop neither by pushing away nor pulling it in. He could only endure it, allowing each spine from the prickly sensation to engrave itself on his memory.

Subaru's other hand came up to stroke the boy's hair tenderly. "Shhhhh..." he murmured. "It will be over soon."

Those hands gently pushed the deep power up towards the surface, and it burned... The delicate web of his soul was being torn through, the troublesome spot being cut away and extracted from the rest. It burned as those hands slowly ripped through the thin threads that kept everything together.

The room started to melt. His eyes opened wearily to watch the thick blackness ooze and consume the walls, the furniture, and crawl towards his feet. He was suddenly very afraid, he was falling apart... being forced apart by the onmyouji's touch.

Pain brought a light that burned away the approaching black tar. For a moment he was blind, his vision flushed with a bright reddish glow. The talons pierced his back and forced the skin open, stretching then tearing the supple flesh as the pure light emerged slowly.

Pain strangled him, choking back cries and screams that were stirred up relentlessly by the feeling of his back being split open. He could only bury his face in Subaru's shoulder and wait with every nerve frozen with torment. His pupils dilated, and for a second he thought he must be dying. Only death could feel so complete. Not just a pain from his back, but from every part of him. Pain so complete that he could not tell what hurt, could not define the pain anymore. The suffering had swallowed him up, he did not know which way was up.

He felt something release then expanded once free of him. The pain began to drain away slowly, leaving only an empty shell of his body behind. He moaned, a soft, weak sound as his voice faded away from the pain's gag. Kamui could feel something shifting, energy realigning itself and his body trying to put back together what had been shattered. It felt strange, and yet he was too numb to properly define it one way or another.

Subaru's voice invaded his tender thoughts. Deep, smooth, calming, it did not cause him any pain. "It hurts because it is unnatural. Power moving in ways it should never, being forced into something it cannot do on its own. But ... it's over now."

Kamui could only whimper in response. The pain was gone, but a coldness that was far harder to deal with remained. He couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He felt so empty ... so cold ... so...

Alone.

More alone then he had ever felt before. He thought at once that Subaru had lied to him and taken her away, because he could not feel her anymore. But his heart corrected him. With Subaru's powers still flowing through him, still inside of him ... he was certain that lies were not possible.

He felt Subaru nuzzle him tenderly and his soft lips brush across Kamui's cheek. Then the Sumeragi's hand filled him with warmth, soothing the broken and bruised pieces of his heart, mending them seamlessly back together. He felt a chill across his back as the wounds closed and fused together with the new skin.

He buried his face against the onmyouji's neck, a pleasant warmth sweeping over him. He wasn't alone ... Subaru was with him, inside of him. Subaru filled him with this tender glow, a beautiful feeling that even his mother's soul nestled in his heart could not rival.

Then the hands, the touch, began to withdraw slowly ... their work complete. Kamui resisted, snuggling closer to Subaru as if he could keep him from escaping if he just stayed near enough.

Subaru smiled, kissing the top of the boy's head tenderly. "You have to learn to let go of people Kamui."

The boy looked down, holding onto Subaru like an anchor keeping him from floating out into his own loneliness. "Don't leave..."

The hands drained away, the warm pleasure began to fade as it melted into him. The emptiness did not return so much, but he felt the loneliness again and held onto Subaru tighter. "Please ... don't leave."

"It will be okay, you have to let people go sometimes. I'm not yours to keep."

"No one is," the boy muttered, tears collecting in his eyes.

"Aa, that's true. People should belong to themselves."

By the time the sun had rose the next day, Subaru had left the town for good-- feeling the Sakurazukamori's approach growing ever closer with each second. He did not say goodbye to Rocky as they parted ways, nor did he tell the boy he was leaving, there was no time too. When the exhausted boy surrendered to sleep, Subaru just left.


	8. Chapter 7

Rocky rolled over in midair, watching the poor white bird flutter behind him desperately. He imagined it coughing and gasping for breath as it little wings beat bravely on, the only thought in it's feathered brainless head being to obey its masters orders. It was a funny picture, even if it was not technically possible-- shikigami being what they are and all. 

Still, watching the spirit bird panic at his steady descent and batter its little wings until it had exhausted the energy that had been used to create it ... was amusing.

He rolled out of his dive, letting his wings take the breeze again, aligning them up to slow his speed significantly ... waiting for the little bird to catch up.

"Shikigami," he thought. They were fast as light close to their creation. But they were ineffective as far as the long term went. Since they had only a limited amount of energy to exhaust before they began to fade into the shambles that was pathetically trailing Rocky now.

He tilted his head to the side as the bird circled his hovering form. Floating almost in the middle of the sky, it was an action not much different than treading water. "Look at you, you're pathetic! I'm not even flying that fast..."

The bird made no response, it simply kept flying in mindless circles around him. Rocky sighed, "Subaru!!" he yelled at the bird. "Subaru can you hear me?? You're stupid toy's batteries are running low!!!"

Had Subaru been there, he probably would have argued that when the shikigami ran out of steam, it was time for Rocky to head home. But Subaru wasn't there, and evidentially he was also not using the shikigami to keep an eye on Rocky as he occasionally did. Rocky did not need a baby-sitter, especially a mindless collection of fluff...

He considered snatching the bird out the air and strangling it, simple because he wondered if it was even possible to strangle a Shikigami. And because it would get Subaru's attention and maybe prove a point about the usefulness of using the spirit birds to escort him.

All right, maybe not. Subaru could be obnoxious stubborn about certain things, and this was one of them.

Batting his wings down with an irritated sigh, he gave up on the little bird and soared up higher and faster than it could go.

It did not take much or very long to lose the shikigami, and soon enough Rocky was free to soar the open skies alone as he loved to. Or at least he thought he loved to, he didn't have much of a choice. Birds and bees and other creatures he shared the sky with did not make interesting flying companions.

He did not have a very refined magickal sense, but he could sense the power being used before he spotted the dark bird flying low just beyond him. Rocky blinked, his right wing twitching at the memory, he had seen that bird before.

Swallowing whatever inhibition he had, he flew higher and followed the bird to where it was headed.

Even with the height, his eyes could clearly see that it was following a person. A person racing away from something with such futility. A desperate race, a panicked rat... and although he could not make out anything more than it's human shape he was certain that it was running away from death. The bird dived down into the canyon of the city, and the wind suddenly changed direction, pushing Rocky up and away from the scene below him. His first instinct was to reach out desperately as he was carried up, hands, arms, legs, grasping for the city below him with a surprised cry as he rose.

He changed the angle of his wings and contracted them so that he could fight the breeze and hover. His eyes had lost the figure to the shadows of the city, and the dark bird was nowhere to be found.

Against his better judgment, he dove towards the street. Zigzagging to slow his descent ... and wind whipped around him violently, trying to catch his wings and carry him back up. He dodged the breeze, nudging out of it's hold until he had reached the shelter provided by the tall buildings and the air currents changed with the terrain. He stretched his wings out to their full span so that his plunged curved to a stop. Before he snapped them closed and landed on the pavement like a cat.

Steam was wafting in heavy clouds from a grate on the side walk, casting an eerie cyan glow on the shadows and highlights. He looked around, noting that-- aside from a few parked cars-- the street was unusually empty.

Then there was a flicker in the cream cyan mist. The familiar flash of a cigarette lighter, and a dark form became visible like it was burning its way through the steam. Rocky walked further, watching various levels of details unravel from the fog. The soft clapping of his sneakers against the street was noticed and the figure looked up from his cigarette curiously.

"Seishirou-san..." Rocky breathed.

Seishirou smiled, waving at him cheerfully. The warm liquid on his hand rolled down his wrist gently with the motion.

"Oh my god, you're bleeding," Rocky jumped forward-- closing the space between them and taking Seishirou's hand.

"Well, well, well ... if it isn't my little rival in love," Seishirou purred, looking down at the boy condescendingly. "A little late for fledglings to be out flying isn't it?"

Only moments after he looked at it, Rocky realized that the blood was not coming from any wound or injury ... but that it is was someone else's altogether. He pulled his touch away, his eyes snapping to the previously unseen shadow behind Seishirou.

"You ... killed him?"

The fact that the boy did not show fear, even after seeing Seishirou kill and now knowing what he was, endeared him to Seishirou. He had always found that quality quite appealing in Subaru as well.

"Yes."

His violet eyes reached out to Seishirou with confusion and hurt. The hurt amused Seishirou, since he hadn't figured the boy had trusted him in the first place. But he supposed Subaru was right after all ... brownie points for him.

"Why?"

Seishirou smirked, the boy was looking for a reason to tell himself that what he saw really wasn't as bad as he thought. Under that arrogant, irritable, bratty shell ... was a boy far too reminiscent of his beloved prey.

He shrugged, "Looked like he'd taste good."

It was a joke of course, the Tree didn't have any taste buds after all, but the humor was apparently lost of Rocky.

"You're... a monster!"

"You flatter me."

"When Subaru finds out--"

Seishirou laughed, the sound of his voice cutting off the rest of the sentence. "Subaru-kun, already knows."

"He knows?"

"He knows it well," Seishirou cocked his head to the side. "Me thinks there's a lot you don't know about you're beloved 'Subaru'."

"Shut up!" Rocky snapped. "He doesn't have explain himself to me."

Rocky twisted away in disgust as Seishirou's bloody hand stroked through his hair teasingly. "Adorable," Seishirou commented. "Simply adorable ... should the circumstances have been different I think I would have liked to play with you a bit. Of course, they're not and it really would irritate Subaru-kun if I did. So I suppose I'll have to let you go."

Rocky snorted in response, and tried to keep his eyes from wandering back to the blood trail. "Subaru ... could never love anyone like you."

"But he does," Seishirou smiled.

"I don't believe it."

"Oh? Care to put something behind that?"

A blink of his violet eyes and Rocky was staring up into the face of a bloody murderer again. "Eh? What do you mean?"

Seishirou bent down so that he was on eye level with the boy, a dark carnal smile resting on his lips. "Let's be honest, even if Subaru does love you ... he'll never permit himself to be with you the way you'd like. It's simply against his nature." He poked Rocky's chest with his finger, "you know that and I know that... However, to say that Subaru has no concern for you would also be untrue ... therefore, you are still in my way. I'm confident in what I believe Subaru is likely to do. The question is ... are you?"

His arms folded proudly across his chest, Rocky glanced to the side sadly. "You're purposing ... a bet?"

"Aa... I have a certain fondness for them. What do you say?"

"What are the terms?"

"I'll let you have my Subaru to yourself for one full day and if you can change his mind about things, you two won't ever see me again."

Rocky stared disbelievingly at the Sakurazukamori. "To myself? You mean you won't follow us around or anything?"

Seishirou rolled his eyes, "It's not that hard to believe, I have slightly better things to do than play jealous, stalking, lover ... particularly when you're my competition."

"And if I lose?" Rocky shifted his weight.

Seishirou's fingers slipped under the boy's chin, blood making the touch sticky and frightful. Rocky's eyes opened wider, his teeth skimming his lower lip as Seishirou lifted his gaze up. Their eyes met. "Then ... You acknowledge that Subaru is mine, you will get out of my way, and stay out of my way."

Rocky gulped, a momentary gesture of fear that Seishirou did not quite expect, and the assassin laughed again as his touch left the boy's chin. "I have no intention of killing you, unless of course you renege on our deal once your day is up. But when that day is up, when you have been unable to move Subaru from his decisions and you realize that he will belong to me always..." he tapped the tip of Rocky's nose, leaving a light bloody fingerprint on the skin. "You will disappear, one way or another."

He stood up, his dark coat waving around him in the wind. "There, now ... that sounds fair doesn't it? A contest to see who knows Subaru better, the loser will leave and never return."

"A contest," Rocky thought. It didn't sound so bad when it was put that way. It sounded almost harmless. A contest...

"You're on."  
-----------

My firm knock was answered by Subaru, who let me in with a polite nod of acknowledgment. He looked worn, but I had thought he would not be working tonight. Yet the strain of some physical exertion, not fresh ... perhaps only an hour or two ago, was obvious.

"I'm sorry, is it too late to do this? I can come back tomorrow when--"

"No," Subaru sighed gently. "It's all right."

His apartment seemed fragile tonight, as if the air was filled with breakable thoughts and memories too heavy to carry. Unusually quiet. Looking around briefly I discovered why, "where's the little gargoyle tonight?"

"Asleep," Subaru explained, pointing to his bedroom, not Rocky's.

Subaru had sent Rocky on an errand, from which he had returned only a few minutes ago. I didn't ask what it was, I got the impression from the way he referred to it that I was not meant to inquire further about it.

"Well then," I sighed, "what shall we talk about tonight?"

It was a funny thing to say, since it implied that the conversation would be one we both participated in ... rather than Subaru talking and I listening.

"Okinwa," he breathed.

"I thought we talked about that already ... that's where you met Rocky right?" I was rather happy the little brat wasn't about. He was always making side comments and trying to derail the conversation away from the past.

"Aa ... but something else happened there too."

I sat back after pressing play on my tape recorded and listened to Subaru weave close the gaps on his story. About how the irritable gargoyle came to live and travel with him. I think we both lost track of time, not having the boy to interrupt every few minutes after all, because when I look at the clock a few minutes turned out to be well over two hours.

Subaru's story was broken off by the sound of his bedroom door opening.

Rocky trotted out of Subaru's room, his wings twitching cutely and happily as his bare feet padded down the hall towards the living room with little smacking sounds. He wore soft cotton pajama bottoms and nothing else ... save for a sleepy expression and ruffled hair. As he entered he yawned and stretched his arms out lazily, announcing his presence with a graceful display of his lithe body. We watched him idly as he looked to Subaru, then abruptly stopped to glare in my direction.

"Sleep well?" Subaru asked, totally ignoring the building hostility.

The boy blinked and scratched his head with a nervous laugh, color flooding his cheeks. "Yeah thanks."

Subaru shrugged, obviously not seeing why he should be thanked for anything. His head turned to follow the boy as he wandered into the kitchen to pour himself some tea or perhaps get a snack. "Will you be staying in for the rest of the night?"

There was a subtleness in his continence that gave an obvious depth to the question. A gentle lift of one eyebrow. A slightly suspicious quirk in his lips, not quite a frown.

"Uh-huh," the boy hummed as he dug through the refrigerator. His face, framed by tousled wavy gray locks of hair, popped up over the kitchen counter to meet Subaru's expectant look. "Oh," he mumbled, turning to glance back at the impressive shadows leaning over his shoulders. The wings which were making the dishes quake with fear. "Right I forgot about them, I'll put them away in a sec..."

Then he dove back down to continue his scavenging. Subaru rolled his eyes with an irritated sigh and turned back to me, "where were we?"

"You were talking about your encounter in Okinwa."

"Right," Subaru nodded. "That was one of the few times Seishirou-san had sneaked up on me. Usually I could feel him when he got close and if a conflict was inevitable, find a place to minimize--"

There was a sudden crash from the kitchen, the sound of ceramic hitting the floor and shattering. Subaru's eyes closed and he mumbled, "the damage." And something about plastic dishware in a low mutter as Rocky's head popped into view again.

"Oops ... sorry."  
-----------

There were two things that registered in Seishirou mind as sleep slowly drifted away from him. One was that he had a horrible taste in his mouth, a dry somewhat sticky feeling on his tongue. The other was that he happen to be sleeping in a very uncomfortable position, half on his side, legs twisted under something.

That something, Seishirou released, could only be one of Subaru Sumeragi various body parts. As, almost sensing his discomfort, what ever he was tangled up in started to move.

Subaru, he was discovering, was a disgusting morning person. A quick glance at the clock by the bed revealed that it was in fact 7:30 ... an unthinkable time for any self-respecting night owl like Seishirou to be awake. Yet the Sumeragi's mind was slowly soothing him out of slumber as it usually did.

"Good morning," the onmyouji yawned, kissing Seishirou gently on the cheek.

Seishirou's eyes opened slowly, against his better judgment. "You would be a morning person ... it so figures," he grumbled before rolling over to shutout the beginnings of sunlight entering the room.

Subaru was smiling, somehow he could tell that without even looking at him, as he picked up a picture resting just on the nightstand and laid back against the pillows. Seishirou's good eye peaked open to watch the Sumeragi stare at the framed memory wistfully.

"Do you miss them?"

Subaru was momentarily startled by Seishirou voice. It was lower than usual and sounded somewhat ... depressed.

"I miss ... the idea more than anything else. It was as close to a normal life I ever had. But, I worry about them too."

"I would think the Sumeragi clan took care of it's own better."

A confused blink and his finger skimmed over the glass. "Oh no I didn't mean that ... it's just ... Okaru's Birthday is coming up."

"Oh?"

Subaru nodded, "it not fair to her."

"Send her a card."

The onmyouji was sincerely shocked by the suggestion, "I can't do that."

Seishirou gave up on trying to crawl back into sleep's warm, silent embrace, and rolled over onto his side. "Why the hell not?"

"I want her to forget, that's why."

"Feh," Seishirou snorted. "The child's not stupid, she'll realize one of these days that people have both a father and a mother and then she'll wonder what happened to hers."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" he rubbed the bridge of his nose slowly. Why was the sun so damn bright this early in the morning?

"Ever wonder about what happened to your father?"

Seishirou blinked, it could just be morning grogginess, but he couldn't remember telling Subaru about his childhood. He frowned, staring at Subaru suspiciously, "what makes you think I didn't know him?"

Subaru shrugged, "Instinct ... that and you're obviously a mama's boy."

The Sakurazukamori choked, an unusual mix of confusion and embarrassment flooding his face. He tried to decide between punching Subaru in the ribs and kicking him off the bed. But before he could do either Subaru's mind had already moved onto other thoughts, and it wasn't any good if all he got was a puzzled tilt of Subaru's head in response.

"I never knew either of my parents, she'll think I'm dead-- which will probably be the truth anyway-- and move on."

Silence met his conclusion as Seishirou had rolled over again to make another attempt at sleep. For a moment Subaru stared at the picture in his hands, his wife, his child standing in the middle of one of the Sumeragi's impressive gardens. The young child was held close to the woman's chest, wing blowing around them both and carrying brightly painted fall leaves as the camera captured their image.

"No ... I never knew my father," Seishirou said finally, his deep voice breaking Subaru's thoughts. Why did the Sakurazukamori sound so lonesome lately? Where had this intense longing, so thick even Subaru could feel it, come from? He wondered if their game had opened up all of that, or whether some of it had always been there.

"Is there anything you miss Seishirou-san?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"When my mother was alive, things seemed so much more simple then."

Subaru sat down the photograph and draped one arm over Seishirou's shoulder. "Do you regret this?"

For a while there was no answer, Seishirou appeared to be thinking about the question very carefully. And they lied in bed in silence as Subaru waited, his attention never wavering from his lover ... waiting patiently for an answer.

"No I suppose not. Although..."

"Hm?"

"Something bothers me ... this must take an incredible amount of devotion from you. How is it you're able to ignore the murder of your sister so easily?"

Subaru's face was buried in between Seishirou's shoulder blades so that Seishirou could feel his voice more than hear it when he said, "because she died happy ... I could feel that when you-- when she died. I could feel her smile. And it took me a long time to realize what that meant."

"That doesn't make any sense..."

"To a person who until recently had no real experience with strong emotions maybe. I was born with all the magickal power of the family, but Hokuto was born with all the insight. For many years after she died I intended to kill you. It was easy really, to want to kill you when I had convinced myself that the Seishirou-san I loved did not exist. That he was a lie and that it was not him but the Sakurazukamori I wanted dead. But then I saw you again, and I knew that was not true ... I really had fallen in love with you, the Sakurazukamori. And I finally understood why she was happy when she died."

"I never understood it," Seishirou grumbled. "Hokuto was strange, I accept the foolishness of her opinion. But I do not understand what she did."

"She died ... because she believed in you."

Words made Seishirou's blood cold. Although he knew that was probably the case, it was unnerving to hear it spoken outloud, rather than just something understood between them. Something akin to sadness crept into him and he wondered at that. He had never regretted killing Hokuto-chan before. He had never felt sad that she had died, yet somehow ... hearing Subaru say that it was for his sake made something cringe inside.

"Because she knew me better than I knew myself. Because she understood the Sumeragi power. Because ... she saw right through you and saw a great possibility." His voice trailed off slightly, hugging the older man gently as he took a deep breath. "It's hard isn't it?"

"What is?"

"To know that someone would have such faith in you they'd give up their life for it? And to have to live with those expectations." His fingers slipped down Seishirou's chest to drape over his stomach. "I came back here with you because I wanted to die. I couldn't live with that responsibility, thinking about it made me sick."

"Do you still wish for death?"

"I don't know, I stopped wishing for anything really. It's better to just take things as they come.

"I'm sorry," Subaru said suddenly.

"For what?"

"For making you suffer."

Seishirou smiled lightly, "you're not sorry at all, you're taking some sick sadistic pleasure from it. It is after all, your revenge."

Silence invaded their moment together again, but this time it was not an uncomfortable silence but rather a peaceful one. It was not within their rights to have happiness just yet, but they could have moments like these: of quiet contention.

"Spiteful power hungry brat."

"Mama's boy," Subaru muttered, before exploding into giggles as a pillow hit him in the face.  
-----------

"Wow," Rocky gapped as they crossed the threshold. "You mean you _own_ this place?"

Subaru watched the boy's enchanted eyes dance around the walls and corners of his Tokyo apartment, the one Seishirou had arranged for him. "I suppose you could say that."

Rocky wandered, exploring every inch of the home. It was much bigger than his house in Okinwa, much bigger than any room they had boarded in before this. "Wow," he murmured again. "Neh Subaru we should have come to Tokyo sooner!! This is awesome!"

Subaru smiled as he walked back to his old bedroom, the chill of old memories rushing through his veins. Due to the nature of his travels he made sure to pack light. Due to the situation that forced him to leave this place, most of his stuff was waiting for him. He threw his bag down into the darkness and turned back to his charge, who had wandered his way into the kitchen.

"I wouldn't touch anything in the refrigerator, it's been in there so long it likely has a wife and kids by now."

Rocky grinned as he peaked his head in said refrigerator. "Ewww... you're milk is brown Subaru."

"I told you I haven't been here in about a year."

The boy threw out the spoiled milk, "yeah but...still, ewww..."

"There should be some cereal in the cabinet if you're hungry."

He put the tea kettle on the stove as the boy scurried around the kitchen, separating edible food from that which had mutated into something unrecognizable. Subaru looked around the apartment, which desperately needed to be cleaned he thought with disgust. Of course what did he expect? the damn place had been locked up for a good year.

"There's guest room I never put to use down the hall ... that can be your room if you like. We'll need to clean it tomorrow."

"And go shopping," Rocky murmured as he dumped another load of Tupperware into the garbage. "We need food."

Subaru made a noncommittal response and shrugged, taking the whistling kettle off the stove and pouring the steaming liquid into a waiting cup. He gestured to Rocky, who shook his head politely and continued digging through the various cabinets.

He had dropped his jacket over a chair in the livingroom, his shoes kicked off sloppily by the door, leaving Subaru to straighten them up as he poked through the apartment. Subaru sighed, ignoring this and hoping he didn't trip over the boy's sneakers later.

He remembered buying Rocky that jacket. Shortly after the boy's unfortunate injury had clumsily fated them together, the creature became quite insistent in wearing clothes that did not hinder flight. When Seishirou might attack them at any moment, it was a wise idea for the boy to be able to call upon his black arms quickly. However, clothing that offered limited restrictions to his wings also left the boy half naked, and as the seasons were slowly turning ... Subaru was afraid the boy would freeze to death.

The jacket, a dull tan leather, roughed almost to a suede texture and soft to the touch, was lined with thick, heavy, sheep skin. It satisfied both of them in that it would keep Rocky quite warm but could be easily tossed off at any moment if need be. Although Rocky was not convinced of its necessity until well into February when the snow first started to fall.

The style of it, looked amazing on the young teenager's relatively small frame. It made him seem somewhat broader in his shoulder, hearkening a more mature and slightly rebellious image.

An image that was abruptly shattered when the boy slide on a pair of dark sunglasses, snatched an unlit cigarette almost out of Subaru's mouth and strutted up to the mirror in the dressing room, cigarette between his lips, glasses masking his child's eyes, grinning like a total idiot.

The jacket was bought, the glasses were not, and Subaru started keeping his cigarettes in his inside pocket.

From his seat at the kitchen's small bar, he could admire the boy's smooth bare back and the elaborate patterns burnt into the flesh. Rocky was really quite small for his age, a little over five feet, probably under 120 pounds too and Subaru could almost count each vertebrae in his spine.

It was not an unhealthy thinness, just an unsettling one.

"Ah-ha!" the boy started Subaru out of his thoughts as he collected a variety of cans from the pantry. He dumped them on the bar next to Subaru and beamed as he went to go dig up a pot.

Subaru eyed the stuff before him, "what's this for?"

"I'm making dinner," Rocky announced.

Uncooked rice, 3 cans of assorted canned fruits, a cup of tomato soup, vegetable oil and cloves?

"Ummm ... no thanks."

The boy tilted his head to the side and looked hurt, "Not hungry?"

"It's late, I'm just going to go to bed..."

"You have to eat ... you must be starving ."

"I'll be fine," the onmyouji waved him off, taking another sip of his tea. The warm liquid seemed to remind his stomach of it's emptiness-- since he didn't eat much normally and hadn't touched food since they left for the train that morning-- and it betrayed him with the harsh rumble.

Subaru glanced down then back up at the boy-- who stood holding a wooden spoon looking utterly pathetically upset. He sighed, glance back over to the ingredients Rocky had managed the salvaged from the decaying kitchen, and finally gave in. "All right, all right, go ahead."

He wondered if he had any antacid in the bathroom. From the looks of things, this was going to be one hell of a meal.

"Do you need any help?" he called after Rocky.

"Nope! You just enjoy your tea and relax ... dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."

Fifteen minutes later the plate of steaming red mush was placed before him with a fork. "It's a little loose ... easier to eat with this than with chopsticks," Rocky explained, sitting down next to Subaru and examining the finished product carefully. "It's better with eggs and salt ... but I couldn't find any salt and eggs had stuff growing out of them."

"Well I don't use a lot of salt," he responded, poking his meal with his fork timidly ... half expecting it to strike back. It looked like ... well he didn't even want to think about what it looked like, but it was not something he wanted on his plate.

"It's good," Rocky assured him through mouthfuls. "I'm not very good with that garnish and presentation stuff, but you'll like it."

Well he had survived most of Hokuto's cooking, he thought, slowly lifting a forkful of the mush of his lips.

He blinked, it was good. It wasn't great, every now and then he hit and overcooked rice grain and the mess tended to make odd sounds when you chewed it ... but it tasted good. Slightly sweet and spicy at the same time, perhaps ... just a little bland.

He supposed that's where the salt came in.

But his stomach didn't seem to mind it as it happily digested the red mush. Churning with pleasure and making tiny little purring sounds.

Glee filled the boy's eyes as Subaru took another forkful and commented, "it's good. I didn't know you could cook."

"Well I'm not much of one ... but I can get by. I'd like to learn how to really cook though."

The boy was glowing, Subaru noted with amusement. Did it really make him so happy to know that he had pleased Subaru? Subaru didn't understand it. Well ... perhaps that was not entirely true. He did understand it, he just did not understand what he had done to warrant such devotion.  
--------------

Subaru was out.

He didn't know why, he didn't know where, but it was very glad because of it. It was the first time since the Sakurazukamori had died that Subaru had left his room, let alone the house, but that was not why he was glad. Subaru said that it was time they moved on with their life, but that was not why he was glad either.

He was glad because he could not bear the thought of Subaru hearing him cry.

At any other time Subaru's comfort would have been welcome if not desired, but not now. Subaru had an uncanny ability to know exactly what was wrong and he feared that this time would be no different. He was afraid. Afraid of Subaru knowing what he had done.

The fear that Subaru would hate him was not so much as the fear of ripping open old wounds in the Sumeragi. Seishirou-san had told him about Subaru's sister, about the pain of one loved one killing another. He did not want Subaru to suffer an old pain double over.

He did not want Subaru to suffer at all, which was why he had decided to leave. Only...

"You should be happy..." a sweet but all too foreign voice scowled him.

"Shutup! You tricked me, you used me ... I didn't want this to happen..."

He hugged his legs to his chest tighter, buried in the darkest corner of his room. He was shaking, but he was not aware of that. Tears rolled heavily down his cheeks but he had long forgotten whether he was crying for Seishirou-san, Subaru, or himself.

"I didn't want this," he repeated. "I told you before, but you just used me as your unwilling accomplice anyway. Are you happy now?"

"Yes..."

Rocky didn't understand, with Seishirou-san dead the Tree would no longer receive blood sacrifices. How could it be happy? With what was most precious to it dead, how could it have arranged this outcome and be satisfied with the results?

"Subaru thinks it's his fault," he mumbled. "But it's not ... it's mine..."

"But you won't tell him that..." the Tree hummed wisely.

Rocky looked up with angry eyes. Eyes stained red with tears. "How can I?" he breathed. "How can I leave him so alone by telling him the truth?"

"So you'll stay then."

Rocky rested his chin on his knees, how could he leave Subaru? He didn't feel he had the right to stay. He didn't want to stay, seeing Subaru suffer as the result of his foolishness hurt too much. But the thought of abandoning the Sumeragi, running away and leaving him to his own devices was unthinkable.

Subaru was alone now, Hokuto long dead, Seishirou-san now joining her, he had no one left. He could not bring himself to even consider telling the onmyouji what had happened and leaving him. He was afraid of what Subaru would do when there was no one to look after him.

Funny...

One would think it would be Subaru who would look after Rocky.

He didn't know how to think now. He had not liked Seishirou at first, both wary of human contact and jealous of the man's closeness to Subaru. And perhaps hurt that Subaru had never told him about Seishirou before they met. The man brought challenge to his world, pointing out so many questions he had ignored, so many holes in his Subaru. Over time though, he became accustomed to Seishirou's presence and resigned himself to his loss. Why shouldn't Subaru have other people he was close with, perhaps even closer to? Even if Rocky did not.

And it seemed that just when the man's smooth, teasingly and deceptively kind nature had began to win him over he discovered something horrible about it all. Then he didn't know what to think but he felt only pain ... and envy. A harsh, bitter, envy because the knowledge of who Seishirou was made it all the more obvious that he could never hope to share a similar bond with Subaru.

He hated him at first, until he realized why he had died. Then he didn't know what to think, nor how to feel about the man. His memory caused him pain, which rekindled the half hearted hate somewhat, but dulling it to mere resentment

"Subaru... Seishirou-san... please forgive me."


	9. Chapter 8

Rocky picked up a brightly colored orange and examined it curiously. It was a sweet, juicy fruit, he recalled, perhaps he could make something of it that Subaru would enjoy. "Subaru can we get some of these?" 

He had been foolishly enjoying his illusions of some what domestic bliss with Subaru. That brief moment when Subaru had let him cook for him and smiled a warm honest smile when he found Rocky nervous offering to befit his consumption, he had invented a future. He had seen the glimmer of hope, perhaps a false hope, that maybe he could find some way to fit into Subaru's life.

"Subaru?" he turned around to find the onmyouji gone. Lost in the mad flood of people hurrying past the grocery store. He scanned the crowd, certainly the green eyed Sumeragi wouldn't be that hard to find, he didn't exactly know how to blend in.

Finally his eyes pinpointed a mix of the blackest black and the whitest white that he identified to be Subaru Sumeragi and...

He was talking to another man Rocky had never seen before.

Rocky shrugged and put the orange back for the time being. Wading through the crowds like it was a mass of murky black water he called out "Subaru! Subaru! Hey Subaru!!"  
--------------

He skidded across the field, frantically panting as he fumbled and tumbled on further. He had to get as far away from other people as possible. He really didn't want anymore deaths on his conscious, especially innocent bystanders.

As his boots ground up against the cold soil he stopped and swung his vision over his shoulder. Green eyes searched the shadow laden field for any trace of what he could feel approaching. Silently he cursed his psychic sense for not being a damn bit more specific about these things.

He recognized the feel of the spell as it was released and his eyes moved away from the field of barley to the field of stars

A dark eagle shadow was dancing with the night, soaring towards him with deadly intent.

The hunt was on.

With a sharp glare he prepared himself.

The bird dived-- a move so obvious it was easily avoided-- and the shikigami sizzled with velvet streaks as it melted up against his shield. "More games," he thought bitterly. "I know I'm not ready, you know I'm not ready, but you have to remind me of our match."

His eyes snapped to the right, another dark bird had sprung into the deep navy sky. But this one seemed to tease him, looping, curving, never really turning fully into that strike. It was surprisingly lazy, twisting about carelessly like a piece of paper in the wind. Subaru wondered if Seishirou was mocking him.

He took out a fan of ofuda. If the shikigami didn't want to get around to attacking he was just going to bring it down.

Then ... his psychic sense screamed and he dove back just before a second bird zoomed past. "Damnit," he hissed, casting the ofuda after that bird instead. A decoy? No...

He turned his attention back to the still airborne eagle, which had casually drifted closer by now. It was much bigger than the others, Subaru realized. Much, much bigger.

In fact it wasn't a bird at all.

"Kamui!" he cried out, more in shock than anything else. Damnit, of all things...

The boy blinked at the sound of his name-- a weird confusion jarring his mind from the thrill of flight-- and looked to the Earth below. The recognition was instantaneous. "Subaru!" his face lit up. He had thought he would never see the onmyouji again. After the man had giving him his black gift, he had disappeared without a trace, leaving the boy to fend for himself.

Until now, where he was suddenly below Kamui in a field like he had been waiting for him.

Kamui curved to catch a more favorable air stream, one that would take him to Subaru easily. The boy had absolutely no clue what he was flying into the middle of and, other than attack him, Subaru wasn't sure how to get the creature to stay away.

There was a screech in the air and Subaru turned to find another one of Seishirou's birds had take to the air. Kamui noticed it as well, and he shot Subaru a questioning look before batting his wings and changing his course completely, curving up and over the wind into the deepest of the night's sky. He was certainly out of earshot now, but his position was clearly one taken to observe the shikigami.

The bird sensed the shift in Subaru's focus almost immediately and with a cruel sense of curiosity dove at the black airborne creature rather than the Sumeragi.

Before a warning could be shouted Kamui had dodged the dark bird, rolling almost effortlessly in the air. He pulled his wings around his body and twirled like a graceful figure skater as the bird whooshed past, dropping a few feet with the spin but a stretch of the black leather was able to stabilize his glide with ease.

Subaru could hear him laugh as the dark bird missed him.

Neither of them expected the shikigami to turn so quickly. And before the boy could smile reassuringly at Subaru it dived again. This time knocking Kamui right out of the air.

With a sharp yelp Kamui lost his sense of balance in the sky and fell out of the air quickly. His wings, though they fought and struggled, could not successfully take back the breeze.

The ground burned his skin, cold and unforgiving. He landed with a sharp crack.

"Shit," Subaru cursed running towards the fallen boy.

The shikigami had only been playing with Kamui, Subaru soon realized. It could have very easily have pierced the boy's body, but there was not even the slightest trace of a wound made with magic. Seishirou had not meant to hurt him, but the fall had not been so gracious ... he had plummeted onto his right wing, which was now broken. The leathery black skin was divided with streams of fresh blood running down its aerodynamic plain and into the dark soil below. Kamui was already to his knees, but the pain from the injury kept his hands to the ground. He groaned.

Subaru's eyes darted to the sky, the eagle swung around leisurely before landing gracefully on the shoulder of its master who had finally made his appearance only a few feet away.

Seishirou took his time lighting his cigarette before he looked up at the Sumeragi casually. His one white unseeing eye caught the moonlight with a gentle rounded flash and it detracted from the friendly smile he offered the onmyouji.

He said nothing, only appeared to be waiting. The eagle had faded away into nothingness with a light 'caw'.

Subaru's eyes moved back to Kamui, the injured boy shivering in pain, then back to Seishirou.

He did not need to be told something twice.

With as much care as possible he scooped the boy into his arms and ran as fast as he could.

Nothing followed him into the night, the game was over for now.  
--------------

The faint noise of car horns and TVs from the subdued city were muffled by the breeze that swept into Subaru's room. The room glowed navy, starlight and moonlight mixing with the black shadows and making everything seem monotonous. Monotonous except for a small spec of glowing amber eating away at a cigarette pressed in-between the delicate slender fingers of the figure lounging carelessly on the bed.

Subaru smiled, his skin was the same color as the clouds-- a soft dreary bluish white. He was shirtless again, his light skin seemed to melt and blend into the white sheets beneath him. That made the eye strike the dark jeans first, accentuating the lower parts of the Sumeragi's body. A suggestive image, Seishirou wondered if he did that on purpose.

The fingers lifted the cigarette to the thin lips. The eyes drifted shut briefly and the figure exhaled. Then they open again with a flick of the fingers as ash was knocked from the cigarette.

Another smile.

"Seishirou-san," he greeted.

"Did I keep you waiting?"

The onmyouji shook his head, "wasn't expecting you tonight."

"Oh?"

"Just enjoying some time with my thoughts," Subaru said smoothly, eyes drifting back to the cigarette smoldering in his hand. Seishirou was about to reply when they snapped up again and promptly silenced him. "Seishirou-san, why do you keep coming back?"

"Don't you enjoy my company Subaru-kun?"

Subaru smirked slightly, attention turning back to the dying cigarette. "Of course, but I'm curious. If you know you have very little chance of winning, why keep coming back?"

"You're one to talk," Seishirou chuckled.

The cigarette met it's untimely end and Subaru rose from his bed. His feet patting softly on the hardwood floor and he walked towards the assassin. The room was too dark to really see anymore than a vague outline, but Seishirou could hear the Sumeragi's weight shifted across the floor boards.

He stepped aside awkwardly as it became clear the onmyouji intended the walk right through him. Watching the thin body move silently into the doorway then stop and threw a glance back at him.

"Can I offer you like anything?"

Seishirou snatched Subaru's wrist. He stared at it for a long time, thumb running over the veins ... blue trails across the skin almost like stains on the flesh.

"Is there something wrong Seishirou-san?"

He stepped into the doorway, the air between them becoming warm and tense as the Sumeragi's eyes stared impassively at his face, waiting for Seishirou's hand to release him. Seishirou tilted his head to the side slightly, lowering his chin. His breath curved into Subaru's mouth before their lips met in a gentle kiss.

It surprised Subaru because it seemed almost nervous and that within itself was a totally absurd idea. He moved forward, deepening the kiss curiously-- noting a second of hesitation in Seishirou before the assassin's arms seized him, hands grasping and searching the soft skin at the same time. Subaru's back was soon pressed up against the frame of the door, wooden scratching against skin.

It was different somehow. These kisses were not possessive. Not desperate in the sense Subaru usually understood from Seishirou, just needy.

The energy died slowly, kisses becoming weaker and slower as Seishirou appeared to be thinking something through carefully. His hands slipped down to rest on Subaru's hips, his cheek pressed lightly against Subaru's temple. For a moment they danced in a room without sound to a melody it seemed Subaru couldn't hear. He waited, trying to decrypt the signals from Seishirou's bizarre behavior.

His hand was lifted to Seishirou's lips the soft moist flesh dragging across the back of the thumb, brushing over the joint. Seishirou's finger's were cupped around his wrist, the assassins thumb pressed into his palm and the hand lay weak and submissive in the hold ... allowing those lips to skate over the skin lightly. A brief hissed from the Sumeragi and his fingers tighten around Seishirou's hold as the stars glowed softly.

He lead Subaru away from the door, an odd smile on his face, kissing the onmyouji again and again. His hand slide up Subaru's arm and brushed around his neck. More kisses down his chest and across his collar bone.

"Seishirou--ack!" Subaru words were caught off as he was pulled down into the bed and nearly fell on top of Seishirou in the process. His arms managed to catch himself an inch above Seishirou's body and he finally allowed his confusion about the situation to slip through.

The older man smiled, if he had ever stopped smiling in the first place, and his hand glided under Subaru's chin to lift it into another kiss.  
--------------

Rocky's broken wing was as good as new in two days. A remarkable recovery for him, an impossible recovery for anyone else. A tell tale sign that like the wings he was beginning to master use of his power.

Rocky stood, watching his reflection in the mirror with fascination. His eyes glanced back to Subaru, who was leaning against the window frame ... watching the proceedings. The boy smiled weakly and flexed his right wing gently, expecting great pain.

When he felt nothing more than a tenseness from muscles that hadn't been used for a while, relief flooded his face with a soft sigh.

He looked at Subaru's reflection questioningly, it nodded for him to continue to test the wing's movement.

Back ... forth ... out ... in. It cramped a little when he tried to bring it close enough to fold on his back, but that was not unbearable

"Good as new, better than new!" the boy chirped in approval.

Subaru nodded, "I was impressed back there."

Rocky shrugged shyly, a slight blush creep up his cheeks. "With me?"

"Aa, I had no idea you would develop such a talent for flight ... did you teach yourself how to do it?"

Rocky nodded, "It's not hard."

The boy wobbled as he walked, feet still uneasy with the relatively new feature of his body. But even with them drawn up against his back he was clumsy. Rooms they stayed in were never made for such creatures. Enclosed spaces were not favorable to him.

"You should withdraw them," Subaru murmured.

"Huh?" Rocky turned to meet Subaru's green eyes.

"I thought about this before, since those wings are only an advantage in flight. But I wanted to wait until the right one had healed. You should pull them back inside."

"I can do that?"

Subaru nodded, "a simple matter of shifting energy ... And to someone with your strength it shouldn't be difficult."

Rocky blushed again and shrugged indifferently. "I don't know how ... show me?"

With a soft smile Subaru approached. Rocky's eyes flutter closed as the Sumeragi's finger tips pressed gently on his back. "Relax, feel you body's energy moving ... now focus on your wings and that buzz of raw power through them ... And ... pull them in as you normally would but this time draw their power all the way into your center."

The boy frowned in concentration and struggled with the instructions. Subaru's hands reached out with his own strength and guided him gently through the motions. He didn't not do the work for Rocky, only pushing softly to show the boy what words were failing to capture, how the power should be directed and such.

The wings folded gracefully and melted into the boy's back.

The heavy mass of bone and muscle would not be diffused so easily and left ridges across Rocky's smooth shoulder blades. Subaru frowned and pressed down on them a bit, realizing that if they were compacted any further it would be difficult for the boy to draw them on his own. "Okay," he shrugged. "Now let them out again..."

The creature stared back at him blankly.

"Just do the same thing, only in reverse," Subaru offered.

It took Rocky a few moments of considering before he decided to give it a try. And without Subaru's help the great mass that emerged slowly from his back was wracked with jarring movements and little twitches. Decidedly clumsy, Subaru decided, but it was hard to do for someone with no magickal training.

Five minutes later the wings had fully emerged and Rocky frowned as he moved them a little.

"Problem?"

"They're sore," he complained. "I think I pulled a muscle."

Subaru couldn't withhold the snicker. "That has largely to do with the way you brought them out. Don't rush so much and don't try to move them until they've fully emerged, just let it go naturally. When you're more familiar with the process you'll be able to release them quickly."

But boy frowned and tried drawing them back as Subaru had shown him, taking care to be slower this time. It took longer, but the movements were smoother and easier just as Subaru has said they should be. He beamed and turned around to gaze proudly at his bear back.

"Hey cool," the boy's face shifted in wonderment. He smiled and looked up at the Sumeragi. "Did you do that?"

Subaru shook his head, "nope, that was your own unique sense of fashion I imagine."

"Cool," he looked back at the markings on his back. "I've always wanted a tattoo..."  
--------------

It was an advertisement that had lure Subaru clumsily away, although he could not remember exactly what it was. It made him think that perhaps he had not just wandered away from Kamui and his grocery shopping but had been cut from the herd of people like a cow to be roped. But in any case, something about the glimmer in the ad-- whatever it was insisting he must have-- pulled his attention enough for him to take a few steps closer for a better look.

A few steps soon turned into a half a block...

And when he felt the warm arms wrap around him from behind and the weight pushing against his shoulders and back he was not startled in the slightest. Perhaps some part of him was answering to this person's call. Perhaps they would always be drawn to each other. Not like a moth to the flame, but like two colliding atoms-- mutual self-destruction.

"Okaeri nasai, Subaru-kun." Seishirou purred in his ear.

He did not respond at first, some piece of his mind was still mesmerized. Instead he kept staring up at the ad. He would later wish he could remember exactly what it had been for.

"You've come back ... back to my Tokyo," the older man observed. He released Subaru from the hug and put a more socially acceptable space in between them.

"Yes," Subaru said, nodding away his trance. His voice was steady but slightly disorientated. He glanced at Seishirou briefly, not pushing the man away but not acknowledging his touch either. "I have."

"Subaru! Subaru! Hey Subaru!!"

Seishirou glanced around the onmyouji, lowering his sunglasses subtly with a gentle smile. His one live eye had a wild glint sparkling through it as it rooted the speaker from the faces of the crowd. "Well hello ... Subaru you have a fangirl..." he cooed.

The Sumeragi scowled and glanced in the direction of Kamui's voice. "I think you should get your eye checked Seishirou-san, that's a boy."

Seishirou blinked as he watched Kamui weave in closer. "So it is," he mumbled. Then chuckling softly, "how darling, I approve Subaru-kun ... you have excellent tastes."

Subaru's scowled deepen, "don't be ridiculous."

The Sakurazukamori pushed his glasses back up with a terrible smirk. "You're such a helpless romantic Subaru-kun. Or is this more of that Sumeragi purity nonsense?" He shot a brief glance over to the boy struggling towards them. "Doesn't look like he'd mind, such a pretty little thing."

"Seishirou-san--"

"Oh I wouldn't be jealous Subaru-kun, it's one of the qualities I find so charming about you, the ability to love everyone."

Subaru opened his mouth to respond only to be cut off as Kamui exploded through the crowd. "Subaru!" he exclaimed, bouncing slightly as he settled down next to the two men. His cheeks were flushed, his hair tousled in slight wispy waves, and his breath came out in soft gasps.

"Kawaii neh?" Seishirou commented to Subaru as he lit a cigarette.

Subaru bristled, causing Seishirou to laugh and nudge him in the ribs.

"Well Subaru-kun, aren't you going to introduce me to your," he turned his gaze back to the boy with a soft predatory smirk. Leaning close enough for his breath to curve in Subaru's ear he murmured, "friend?"

"Subaru-...kun?" Kamui muttered, staring at Seishirou with shattered eyes. He felt a tinge of jealously bubble up. So this was that person so special to Subaru.

"Aa that's right," Seishirou smiled at the boy. He glanced back at Subaru, "and since our mutual friend here doesn't seemed inclined to courtesy right now... who might you be?"

"I'm ...Ka--Rocky." Kamui said firmly. He ignored the way Subaru's expression changed as he lied. The way one eyebrow lifted in a question that would not be spoken.

"A pleasure to meet you I'm sure."

"And who are you?" Kamui asked coldly.

"An old friend of Subaru-kun's," Seishirou explained, exhaling some streams of smoke. "Seishirou Sakurazuka. And how are you and my Subaru-kun acquainted?"

"Seishirou-san," Subaru hissed.

"We're ... living together!" Kamui snorted proudly. It was true, they were, even if the implications of the phrase did not quite match the reality. He pushed his shoulders back and glared coldly at Seishirou with a certain matter-of-factness that the Sakurazukamori found highly amusing.

Subaru choked, his eyes snapping open. "Kamu--"

Seishirou smiled, completely ignoring Subaru-- who would have only spoiled the fun, "Oh is that so?." He bent down a little so that he was more on Kamui's level. "I didn't realize the situation. Might I infringe a little and ask you a personal question?"

"Ahhhh...okay.." the boy nodded.

"Is Subaru-kun a good lover?"

Kamui's confidence stumbled, he had not expected such a question. If he continued the misinterpretation Subaru would likely be furious, but if he backed up and explained that he and Subaru were not technically lovers he felt that this 'Seishirou-san' would take advantage of the opportunity to restate whatever claim he so obviously had over Subaru's heart. He squirmed under Seishirou expecting stare. "Well... Ummm..."

The older man's gentle laugh interrupted his fumbling. "Well Subaru-kun you certainly know how to pick them, he's almost as adorable as you."

Subaru grunted in response, before clasping his hand fiercely around Kamui's arm and snapping him to his side. "You'll excuse us Seishirou-san. I have things to discuss with my _lover_"

Without waiting for Seishirou's answer, Subaru angrily dragged Kamui back down the street.  
-------------

Seishirou watched the slumbering Sumeragi curiously. He couldn't explain it but somehow something had changed about the younger man. There was a certain glow about him he couldn't quite identify, but it transfixed him. He could watch Subaru sleep forever, study the gentle curves of his body all day, immerse himself in the memory of their bodies intertwined like two roots of the Sakura over and over and over again.

For some reason the Sakura's had not infringed upon his thoughts lately. In spite of the fact he kept her well feed as always and there was no reason for her to push into his attention, it bothered him because he could not remember a time when he could not feel the Sakura's observance.

His hand gently stoked Subaru's hair and he was very pleased when the Sumeragi mumbled something in his sleep and shifted closer to the touch.

He was so very beautiful. The most beautiful creature Seishirou had ever encountered, he wished he could figure out what it was that made him seem slightly different. What it was that held Seishirou's attention so. His mind drifted back to their most unusual night, this night. Why had that felt so--

The reality hit him hard. Nothing had changed about Subaru, something had changed about him. So slowly that Seishirou had not even noticed when the sex stopped being a battle and started being a request. He smiled, then laughed and looked down at the sleep Sumeragi one more time before brushing his fingers under Subaru's cheek and awakening him.

The dazed green eyes opened slowly and for the first time Seishirou realized how long Subaru's eyelashes really were. Those eyes looked up questioningly at Seishirou as words began to form on his tongue. Seishirou silence them, fingers running down the cheek and across the chin, the lips lowering slowly as if for a kiss.

Subaru leaning up to meet them, but just before they touched that kiss turned into a whisper, "Now ... it's your turn."

Subaru blinked, he was about to ask Seishirou what he meant when his mind screamed from within his head. His eye grew wide and he barely had enough time to roll off the bed before Seishirou strike would have killed him.

"S-seishirou?"

He had hit the ground with a hard 'thump', he could feel the burn of bruises forming already ... but he didn't have the time to think about that. Seishirou was already perched on the edge of the bed like a mountain lion.

Without thought Subaru scrambled up to his feet just before Seishirou pounced. He stumbled a little, practically throwing himself across the room, reaching the door with a relieved sigh. As if he had touched homebase.

Seishirou was taking his time, brushing off a slight daze his got from hitting the floor as his prey melted through his fingers. He rubbed his head, listening to Subaru's desperate gasps from the other side.

He would let the Sumeragi recover, because he loved him.

Seishirou smiled bitterly, yes it was finally true. This feeling of warmth and peace, this was love he was sure of it.

"Why? What's wrong?" the Sumeragi's voice cracked with the words.

Seishirou smiled brightly at Subaru, approaching him slowly in order to soothe him away from flight. "Wrong? Nothing's wrong ... everything's going precisely to plan."

Even with the open door Subaru felt as if he was trapped against a wall, with each step Seishirou took making the room a bit smaller, a bit darker. Then finally Seishirou was right in front of him, body so close he could feel the man's foot rubbing next to his. Seishirou looked disinterested, his eyes filled with a dull contempt as if Subaru was something so infinitely small and inferior his thoughts were of absolute no consequence.

"Oh God no..." Subaru thought. "Please don't do this to me again, not again. It was different this time..."

"You said it yourself Subaru-kun, you expect to die here. Has that changed?"

"No."

The wolfish smile replaced the look of scrutiny in Seishirou's face, "then what's the problem? You were so good at this game before.."

Subaru swallowed the lump in his throat, he was afraid-- this seemed to amuse Seishirou-- he had never been afraid before. Never with Seishirou that is. Confused, hurt, sad, but always with the dull acceptance that fear would do nothing to change anything. He was not sure how fear would help him here...

"I want to know why ... I thought..."

Seishirou hand cupped his cheek, his eyes drawing further and further into Subaru's fear until their foreheads were pressed together. "Subaru...you.."

He could feel the hot breath across his lips before the kiss began. It was not passionate but it could have been given time. Subaru shied away for only moment, then he reach up into it as if chasing that part of Seishirou he had knew before with his lips. He almost lost himself. He almost didn't realize that the warmth burning in his heart not was not from his heart but outside it.

Subaru pushed away and stumbled out of the room. "No!!"

Desperate breaths, he had to fight to pump air into his lungs as his emotions choked his strength. "No! That isn't true! If that was true ... you wouldn't... Seishirou please don't..."

The assassin took two steps forward, staring down at Subaru as the Sumeragi scooted nervous inches across the floor. "You'll thank me later," he replied coldly. "For releasing you of all this. There's only pain in it."

Subaru slide back a little further, if he could only keep Seishirou from getting too close, maybe then he could talk some sense into him. "That's not true. I can't allow myself to believe you believe that. I'm happy here."

Seishirou crouched between the Sumeragi's legs, as if it was some stray cat on the floor and not his terrified lover. His smile was soft but distinctly sad. "You've never lied to me before, breaks my heart to hear that now."

"It's not a lie..."

"Ah, but it is, but it is. You could never be happy like this..." his fingers traced over the star on Subaru's right hand. "And neither could I."

"We could make it work..." Subaru offered pathetically, pulling himself back a little more as the assassin stood again.

Seishirou closed his eyes and smiled, "not like this ... you really don't understand do you?"

Subaru shook his head, "please don't Seishirou... It doesn't have to be like this."

There was a dark sigh as the Sakurazukamori said, "yes it does."

And with that, Subaru bolted-- grabbing his trenchcoat to shelter his naked body and running out of his own apartment without even looking back.

He did not go far obviously, he had nothing with him save for his coat and a pack of cigarettes hidden within that. Nor did he expect to be able to hide or run from Seishirou, but he had to run ... he was so scared. Not of his death but of what he was doing to he whom he loved, Seishirou wanted to kill him ... perhaps more than he ever had before.

The tears were hot down his face as he hid under the stair well, dark shadows to clothe him from sight. It would be quite easy for Seishirou to find him if he really wanted to. And true Subaru did not even really want to hide from him in the first place, he just didn't know what to do. He couldn't fight back against Seishirou, and yet if he used the same strategy he used in bed ... Seishirou would kill him.

He drew his knees up to his chest, he didn't understand... What was he suppose to do?

He was trapped in a impossible situation, with no course of action his mind could decide upon save for one carnal instinct...

Run.

It was the only solution. He could not find a better happiness without Seishirou, he could not allow Seishirou to kill him. He needed more time. Perhaps with time Seishirou would change his mind, or he would figure something out. Some way to keep Seishirou from destroying both of them.

Run.  
-------------

"Subaru... Subaru-Ow! Subaru you're hurting me!!!" Rocky yelped as the onmyouji darkly dragged him down the street. "Ow, hey ... Subaru!"

Subaru whipped Rocky's light frame around so that the boy was in front of him and clamped down on his shoulders so hard Rocky flinched. "If you ever, _ever_ do anything like that again you better find another place to stay."

Subaru's stare was acidic, filled with an anger that Rocky had never seen before in the kind onmyouji. He averted his eyes, casting his stare down to the ground. "I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have--"

"No you shouldn't have. Maybe you thought that was funny, but I didn't." He raised his finger harshly to the boy. "You and I will _**never**_ have that sort of relationship."

Rocky flinched, if his heart had just been broken he was a foolish boy indeed. He knew that there was too much between them, he and Subaru had an impossible wall that would always stand right in the center of their relationship. But to hear Subaru so angry about it made it feel like a rejection. "I know," he mumbled. "I'm sorry Subaru..."

He was not going to cry, he couldn't cry. Please God don't let him cry.

Subaru soften a bit, but not enough to melt his eyes, still empty and harsh. "He could have hurt you ... he might still. It's dangerous to be close to me Kamui, and even more dangerous to tell **him** that you are-- it's dangerous to be important to me."

"Who is he?" Rocky asked softly.

"The Sakurazukamori," Subaru whispered. It was the first time Rocky had heard that dreaded title.


	10. Chapter 9

Seishirou frowned, he had not recognized this boy as the winged creature that had interfered in his play time with Subaru only a few months before. It had been dark and the shikigami's movements too fast to get a clear picture of what that creature was. 

Even though he had no interest in killing it either way, he had been quite surprised when Subaru picked it up instead of calling it back. He had assumed it was some sort of spell.

But the boy who had adamantly declared himself to be Subaru's lover and this winged creature who had answered the door now and soared through the sky that night were undoubtedly the same. Although he had not yet decided what in fact this little indignant aberration was precisely.

"Curious," he remarked, running his finger across the brim of one wing experimentally. The wings retracted quickly, sweeping away from his touch and folding on their owner's back with a harsh 'snap'. The boy glared and had he feathers Seishirou imagined they'd be ruffled.

"Rocky-chan is it?" he asked the boy, who snorted in reply. "Well Rocky-chan..." The boy was quite short and he had to bend down a little to be on his eye level. "I'm here to see Subaru-kun. Tell me, is your lover at home?"

"Maybe," was Rocky's response.

Seishirou smiled politely, so the boy wanted to play games. Well that was fine by him, might even be entertaining. "And how are you doing since I saw you last? I take it Subaru is satisfying all of your _needs_?"

Color flooded the boy's cheeks and he bristled with irritation. "Pervert," he shot back.

Seishirou laughed, "I imagine Subaru's a very good lover, being so sensitive and responsive as he is."

"What would you know about it?" Rocky scowled.

The Sakurazukamori was about to tell the little brat **exactly** what he knew about _that_ when he was cut off by a firm "Seishirou-san."

"Ah Konbanwa Subaru-kun," Seishirou greeted cheerfully.

Subaru walked towards the door, a very stern look on his face directly surprisingly at both of them. As if they were two children bickering over a plaything. He addressed Rocky first, "It's late, you should be in bed."

The boy opened his mouth to protest and was abruptly silenced when it became obvious that no protest would be of any use. He shot another glare at Seishirou, who cheerfully waved a goodnight to the boy, and stormed towards his room.

"I knew you were fond of animals Subaru-kun, but I never imagined you were the type to keep _pets_.." a little hissed at the end made it clear exactly what he meant by that.

Subaru frowned, "don't be ridiculous, you know perfectly well that's not going on."

Seishirou shrugged, "your companion seems to have already made certain claims..."

"Which you already know are impossible."

Seishirou smiled smugly, "quite."

"So stop provoking him."

He blinked innocently at Subaru, "me? Provoke?"

"Play your games with me, leave him alone. He's not your toy."

"Of course he's not Subaru-kun, he's **your** toy," Seishirou smirked. "Don't break his little heart too badly."

Subaru glared in response. "Was there something specific you wanted Seishirou-san?" he asked coldly.

"Confirmation," Seishirou said casually. "I come back from spending quality time with the Sakura and what do I find? My dearest Subaru-kun has returned to Tokyo and moved back into the apartment I procured for him nearly a year ago. Tell me Subaru-kun, after your multiple tours of the country, does this mean you're finally ready to get down to business?"

"And if I am?"

"Then we have much to discuss." Seishirou looked sincerely thrilled and it was a surprisingly gentle if not tender look from him. "The Tree asks about you all the time you know. I think she misses you, I know I did."

Subaru made no reply as he grabbed his coat and locked the door behind them.

Of the things they did that night, discussing was not one of them.  
----------------

"Kamui..."

"Go AWAY!" the boy's voice choked from inside his room.

"No," Subaru said firmly. Firmly enough to make the boy tremble between his swallowed sobs. Subaru regretted being that stern with him, but he wasn't prepared to let Kamui sulk in his room for weeks on end. He had to set things straight right now, moments after it happened. "Look at me," he said as he entered the room, not bothering to close the boy's door.

Kamui's tear stained eyes emerged from the ball he had rolled himself up into. He must have realized what a pathetic picture he made as he flinched when Subaru looked at him.

"I'm sorry," the boy whispered.

"It's okay," Subaru said dryly. In retrospect he supposed he was not very convincing at all.

"No I'm really sorry ... if you hate me now I understand. That was rude, I should have knocked or something I'm just really sorry Subaru..."

"It's okay," Subaru repeated, a little softer this time.

"I didn't know that he was here ... and ... and well the smoke gives me headaches and makes it hard to sleep so I didn't think--"

"Kamui..."

"I should have though, I mean even if you weren't-- I should have knocked.."

The tears were escaping him again. He shook them off and continued to apologetically babble over every attempt Subaru made to assure him.

"Kamui, you're not listening to me."

"I'm sorry..." the boy said again. He was sitting on his heels, knees under his chin, wings looming over his small body. He had probably drawn them to make the histrionics more bearable... For a moment he looked like a little lost puppy, large watery eyes on either side of a cute little nose, staring up at Subaru. Not quite listening though, he was clearly too obsessed with kicking himself.

"Kamui when I was younger my sister used to beat me over the head for apologizing too much ... I'm beginning to understand why now."

"Sorr--" Kamui wisely shut up.

The edges of Subaru's lips curved up with amusement. "It's extremely frustrating to try to deal with someone who's too busy apologizing to listen to what you have to say. Besides ... You didn't do anything wrong."

Kamui blinked, "I didn't?"

"Sure ... you should have knocked. But that's not a capital offense. I'm not mad, Seishirou-san's not mad ... you're only one who's upset about it."

The boy bit his lip, folding his wings and pulling them in so that he could sit down properly beside Subaru. "How long?" he asked.

"How long have I know him or how long have I been sleeping with him?"

"Both."

"Let's see... I met Seishirou-san ... almost 10 years ago," Subaru coughed. "God that makes me feel old. And ... last year was when that started."

Kamui stared at his feet, clapping them together softly. And as he disclosed only a sliver of his past to the boy, Subaru stared worriedly at the teenager who seemed to be getting younger as the conversation continued. More childlike with every minute. It was not something that pleased Subaru, he was not especially fond of this pedestal Kamui had put him on in the first place.

"But this isn't what's bothering you," he said softly.

"No..." Kamui admitted.

"Then what?"

"I feel so stupid ... about everything."

"Ahhh.." Subaru hummed, yes he supposed the boy would feel rather stupid in light of everything that had happened. "Well ... it's all right, simple mistake."

"It's a little bit more than that Subaru," Kamui snorted. "I still love you, you know..."

Subaru didn't answer, he couldn't think of an appropriate answer. He didn't want to reject the boy, because the truth was he cared for him too. But all the same it wasn't possible for a variety of reasons he hadn't bothered to think out. It wasn't that he loved Seishirou and not Kamui, it was that he didn't feel the powerful force of a definite love for either one of them ... only a dull affection for both of them. It made things more complicated than he would have liked, but after years of suffering his soul was too tired to define a difference between the love he felt for Seishirou and the love he felt for this boy.

And yet he felt he must allow the boy to think that he loved only Seishirou, because anything else would give him hope. Subaru knew far too well that hope could be the cruelest thing to give a person. Things being the way they were, he couldn't foresee any outcome where Kamui would feel satisfied with him.

"Thank you," was what he finally said.

"Subaru?"

"Aa?"

"You said before ... that Sakurazuka-san was dangerous, that he might hurt me ... but yet ... what did you mean Subaru? Why is Sakurazuka-san dangerous?"

Subaru swallowed the lump in his throat, how to answer this? "Seishirou-san and I have a ... complicated history together. There was a time when he hurt both me and the people I loved. I wasn't sure how he'd react to you ... but now I think that warning may have been a little too severe. I don't think he'll hurt you."

"Why?" Kamui blinked. "What changed your mind?"

"Because he promised me he wouldn't ... and I believe him." Seeing the skepticism in the boy's eyes Subaru added, "he's never broken his word. Of all the terrible things he's done, he's never once broken a promise."

Without invitation Kamui laid his head on Subaru's shoulder-- the Sumeragi didn't mind it much and he wrapped one arm around the boy's shoulders, giving him a soft squeeze.

"Really ... I wish I had my camera," Seishirou commented smoothly from the door, startling both of them.

Subaru frowned as the boy gave an embarrassed yelp and leaped out of Subaru's embrace. "You don't own a camera Seishirou-san, and I thought you were heading home?"

"Nooo," Seishirou smiled. "You politely invited me to leave. I decided to decline." He turned his attention to the boy with a friendly, inoffensive smile, "have you eaten yet?"

Kamui glared suspiciously at Seishirou, his answer was a sharp "no."

"Ah, I see ... neither have we, so why don't we all go out to dinner? My treat."

"Seishirou-san," Subaru began.

"What??" the Sakurazukamori blinked innocently. "You couldn't possibly object to the concept of _**eating**_ could you?"

Subaru was about to reply when Kamui rose from his bed and walked coldly over to the door. "My apologies Seishirou-san but I'm not hungry."

Seishirou smiled and tapped the boy soundly on the nose. "Ah-un, you should address me as 'Sakurazuka-san' like a polite boy would."

"Bite me."

"Don't tempt me," Seishirou smirked. "I have a soft spot in my heart for cute little boys."

Kamui bristled. "Fuck you," he snapped back.

A vicious glitter sparkled in Seishirou eyes and he smiled with a sharp draw of breath--

"Don't say it" Subaru told Seishirou flatly. The assassin abruptly closed his mouth and looked innocently at Subaru, "say what dear?"

The Sumeragi frowned, "I know exactly what you were about to say ... it won't help, so don't say it. Besides I warned you and advised you to leave, so you've got no right to be offended."

"Warned me? You said 'he will not feel comfortable having you here' ... that was a warning?"

"Yes."

"I think you need to be a little more ominous with your warnings Subaru-kun. 'Will not feel comfortable' is the understatement of the year ... 'throw a complete tissyfit' might have been a tadbit more appropriate if you wished to put the matter lightly."

"Will you two stop talking about me like I'm not here!!!" Kamui snapped, his fists clenched tightly.

Both Seishirou and Subaru were cut off by the boy's sudden outburst in their otherwise calm discourse. They shared a surprised and puzzled stare and a few minutes passed in an awkward silence before Subaru began to snicker softly. Seishirou smiled and Kamui turned a furious shade of red, feeling as if he was being laughed at and looked as if he was about to burst out into tears.

"I'm sorry," Subaru cleared his throat. "I wasn't laughing at you ... it's just cute, the way you two bicker sometimes."

Kamui snorted, still hurt by Subaru's betrayal. "Well you two sound like you're married," he retorted.

"Ah but we are, after a fashion, Subaru's my child bride. How old were you then Subaru-kun? Nine?--So now about dinner...?" he quickly changed courses before Subaru had enough time to decide on an emotional response to his statement.

"I'm not going," Kamui said stubbornly.

"Yes you are," Subaru stood from his seat on the began and roughly began steering Kamui by his shoulders out of the room. "You're entirely too thin."

"And coming from him that's saying something," Seishirou commented smoothly.

"Shut up Seishirou-san."

"Yes dear," the assassin grinned as he followed the two boys out of the apartment.  
--------------

"Why did we do that?" Subaru wondered out loud, the two of them spread out over his sheets. Seishirou was still half on top of him, head resting over his heart. The Sumeragi had been waiting for a good fifteen minutes after the sex for Seishirou to kill him, but the assassin appeared to have no plans for his heart save for listening to it beat softly below the skin. So it would not be tonight either... "Moreover, why did we do that last night too?"

Seishirou grinned, still basking in a soft relaxed glow, "and you say **I** complain."

Subaru frowned, "I didn't mean it like _that_ Seishirou-san. I meant, what are you waiting for?"

"Oh ... that." Seishirou began to drag himself up out of bed, intending to get his cigarettes out of his ... well where ever they had ended up.

"We've put it off long enough."

"So eager to die are we?" Seishirou smirked. "I'm afraid Subaru that you've grossly misunderstood the finally outcome..." he yawned. "Death may not be quite what you expect it to be."

"Even still..." Subaru began.

Retrieving both his lighter, or Subaru's lighter actually... but the important thing was it was a device that could produce the fire with which to heavily pollute his lungs, and a cigarette he sat down on the bed next to Subaru. His finger flipped over the gear, causing sparks but no flame.

Once ... twice ... three times.

He mumbled a curse and shook the lighter a little, thinking maybe it was out of fluid and tried to light it again with no success.

"The safety's on," Subaru commented evenly.

Seishirou blinked and, with cigarette hanging limply out of his mouth, stared down at the lighter. "Safety? Why in God's name does your lighter have a bloody safety? Afraid your little demon's going to burn down Tokyo?"

Subaru politely ignored him, "press the button to the side and try it again."

Seishirou did so, and was rewarded with a bright, smooth flame which he wasted no time putting to use.

A deep satisfying sigh after the first inhale of smoke and Seishirou held the cigarette up to Subaru's lips, watching the Sumeragi's eyes drift close with a soothing nicotine breath before taking another drag himself.

"Safety ... most ridiculously thing I've ever heard," Seishirou grunted. He made a little indigent snort when Subaru sat up and took the cigarette out of his mouth. Glancing back skeptically he commented, "those are bad for your health."

"So are you Surgeon General Sakurazuka," Subaru leaned back with a cocky little smirk framing the smoking cigarette. "But these, like you, are going to take their time about killing me."

Seishirou smiled, "just savoring the experience my dearest Subaru. You only die once you know."

"Seriously..." Subaru mumbled, it was a question though he did not ask it questioningly. "What are we waiting for?"

Seishirou slid up on the bed, wrapping one arm around Subaru's shoulders as he did so. He removed the cigarette from Subaru's mouth again and allowed himself another numbing tobacco sigh. Seishirou made sure to keep the cigarette in his right hand, Subaru was such a mooch. "Well it's been a while ... I thought it best that we get reacquainted with ... things."

"Things?" Subaru grinned. "So articulate after sex." He made a grabbed for the cigarette but found Seishirou's left arm tightened its hold on his shoulders while the right swept it out of his reach.

"Well think of it from my point of view Subaru-kun. I have a lush, rip, extremely attractive-- albeit mindnumbingly irritating at times-- young man ... willing no less ... in my bed, who is actually as close to my equal as anyone will ever get and has the privilege of being the only person with the ability to constantly surprise me..." He exhaled a deep cloud of light smoke. "I'm in no rush to get rid of you."

"This is technically _my_ bed, but I'm flattered."

"As you should be ... But what I meant is that, during this year long interlude the situation as become decidedly more complicated. I can't just very well rush off and kill you like everything's the same. Before it was just you and me alone, now we have pets and apartments and minivans..."

"Minivans?" Subaru laughed.

"I will make a soccer mom out of you yet," the Sakurazukamori grinned. "My point is Subaru-kun, you have matters that I assume you'd like to settle before your untimely death, we both do."

He handed Subaru the cigarette again, watching the Sumeragi consider his words carefully with the smoke. "What do you have to conclude?"

"Ah well, see if you understood what's really going to happen when I finally decide to kill you ... then you wouldn't have to ask that question would you?"

"The Sakura?"

"Clever boy as always," Seishirou teased, ruffling Subaru's hair as he took the cigarette back.

"Seishirou-san..."

"Aa?"

"I get that I'm missing something here. What I don't get is why you have no intention of telling me what it is."

"Two reasons my love, one is quite simply I have only a basic understanding of it myself. I can only hope that things will turn out as she said. The second is it will do you no good to know it only through whatever words I choose to explain it to you. When that final moment comes, you have to feel what must be done in the very core of yourself, not in interpretations of philosophy and theoretics. I could tell you what I think, but in the end it might actually handicap you-- and I'd never forgive myself for that-- because it won't work if you just do what I tell you to. It has to be your realization, your whole soul has to be behind it ... not just the logical part of your mind that tells you 'if this then that...'.

"I could, perhaps, tell you the events that I've used to see this conclusion ... rather than the conclusion itself. But the facts would be colored by my own biases, and there's no guarantee that I'm correct. I wasn't about the course of my seduction was I?"

Subaru shook his head.

"There's also no guarantee that the two of us are suppose to act according to the same conclusions. I think if you were meant to know it, you'll know it whether I tell you or not."

"Neh... Seishirou-san you're getting so fatalistic in your old age."

"Well one doesn't--"

Seishirou's voice was cut off by another voice just outside the bedroom. "Mou.. Subaru you shouldn't smoke those things in the--"

Rocky pushed the door open with a quick turn of the knob, apparently intending to chastise Subaru for smoking in the apartment, and found an image he obviously did not expect. His eyes grew so wide Seishirou half expected them to fall off his face. "_Oh my God--I'msosorry_"

The door slammed as quickly as it had been opened and the sound of the boy bolting down the hallway and into his own room echoed after it.

"Shit!" Subaru cursed, getting up from the bed to dig up his clothes. "I knew we shouldn't have done this here."

Seishirou, much to his irritation, was laughing. "He's so adorable, I do believe he turned purple when he saw us ... can we keep him Subaru? We'll tell the Tree he followed us home.."

Another wave of laughter and Subaru scowled coldly at his lover. "This is not funny."

"Yes it is. He's a least sixteen Subaru dear, shouldn't you be telling him about the facts of life anyway?"

"Shut up," Subaru mumbled as he put on his pants. "You can joke all you want but at best we've mortified him ... I'm going to go talk to him, can you see yourself out?"

Seishirou looked offended, and shot Subaru a hurt blink. "Me? Not going to let me spend the night? Why am I getting thrown out?"

"Because," Subaru grunted, throwing on a T-shirt. "He will not feel comfortable having you here ... give him a little time to adjust, I'm almost certain he had no idea about us."

"Of course," Seishirou purred, arms wrapping around the Sumeragi's waist. "He thought **he** was the only one who had naughty dreams about you."

"Not funny Seishirou-san."

"Hrmph, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were using me for the sex."

Subaru waved him off as he walked towards the bedroom door, "later, later ... I'll use you for sex later."  
-----------------

Nine years after Hokuto-chan had died for him he had still not been ready for him. He had always been a slow learner when it came to things like this. Using the power was easy, it was knowing how the power should be used ... that confused him. And sometimes it seemed like he was the only one who didn't know what to the do.

But then, maybe a month or so after Seishirou came to claim him everything really began. The older man was ambushed by love. And all Subaru knew then was that he needed things to go slower. He hadn't even a clue how to handle what was being demanded of him.

So he ran.

He ran and tripped and fell, discovering a boy so much like himself. The mistake was reaching out to him. Subaru should have known better than that. He should have known that without Seishirou he was simply a void which things never escaped. He was only half a person, he needed someone else to balance him.

And for a long time that had been his twin, but she had chosen to give him to Seishirou ... and now that he was gone...

It was stupid of him to attempt human contact when engaged in the game with Seishirou. Stupid of him to not only reach out to the boy but to share the intimacies they had.

It had only been a few months since Seishirou's death and Subaru still had not figured out what had made him ready to die. He remember the moment it was decided, but not the reason.

They had been in Sendai at the time. In a one room hotel room with a double bed and a small couch, a bathroom and little else. Rocky had quickly taken possession of the couch, curling up upon it without a word one way or the other and falling asleep, leaving Subaru abandoned in his own thoughts for the night.

The Sumeragi took a layer of blanket off his bed and gently covered the boy, being very careful not to awaken him. Then he sat, on the edge of the bed staring off into the cryptic blackness of the room. His eyes entertained themselves by running up and down over the boy's body-- studying his features, the texture of his skin, the light movements he made in sleep.

He thought, that he was beautiful. And wondered why he had such a beautiful thing, how he had come by it, and why it stayed by him. But most of all...

He wondered why he couldn't have it.

It was something he never questioned before, that he and this boy could not have each other. It was not because he belonged to another, but because to do so would only be stalling the inevitable. He had set something in motion with the soft chants meant to exorcist that Sakura. He could not begin something else until it was concluded.

But that did not stopped the wanting. The boy nudged at a tiny warm spot in his heart and, mixed with a natural affection he had for one who was so much what he had once been, awoken a small part of him that wanted to live.

But he could not live, could he? Knowing how and when he would die stifled any ability he had to live. All things must die, but their futures are so vague that their approaching deaths do not weight down their souls.

The knowing was torturous ... he was tired of waiting for it.

Then with a blink of an eye it had already been decided. He was ready to die at Seishirou's hand.

They were going back to Tokyo.

Yes ... that's what it he been hadn't it? Wanting to end the wanting, to simply be cold and numb ... to want no more.

With the thought Subaru laughed bitterly and inhaled from his cigarette.

Well that was what he had, there was nothing he wanted now. The wanting had ended and the numbness had taken over.

He had come back to Tokyo, and only a night had passed before he was lying in the Sakurazukamori's bed. He wasn't expecting the sex, but he accepted it. And he did not die that night, nor the night after that when he had lured Seishirou foolishly to his place.

Then...

A strange thing had a happened. In that time between his resignation to his death and Seishirou's suicide at his hands ... he had been about as close to happy as he imagined he ever could be. He had like it, he had liked the dark ache the echoed through his memories upon living with two people he loved. The memory of three people in the past that had seemed like family too.

He should have heeded the warning. And maybe he had in some way. He knew that this would end in tragedy, but he had seemed so certain that the tragedy would be his own death.

In retrospect Subaru thought he was certainly a selfish bastard and that he got exactly what he deserved. He had no problem with dying and leaving two people he loved behind to suffer, just as long as he didn't feel anymore.

Well he didn't feel anymore now did he? Not anything that really mattered anyway, an infectious pain that was consuming his soul and a soft patient love that was trying to make dead nerves feel again.

And so he stood in a dark alleyway of his Tokyo, smoking a cigarette and watching the people move down the street. He had been waiting there for roughly an hour because he hated working in the park. He was close enough.

The Sakura caressed his senses gently. She was very careful not to make it too much like a lover's touch, but it reminded him faintly of Seishirou. Not enough to make him recognize it, but just enough to control him somewhat.

He leaned his side against the brick wall, watching the pseudo-doorway that opened to the street carefully. His eyes searching each person that passed one by one, until...

He saw her. Yes she would do.

He killed her quickly, not for mercy, but because he was tired and he wanted to go home.

Spoken words between him and the Tree. He began to chant the words that the Tree had taught him the day Seishirou died, feeling with his damnable empathy the woman's soul being pulled into its eternal prison.

He tired not to think of it as murder. It was only a feeding. All creatures had to kill and eat something to survive, whether it was a blade of grass or a human being. Did it really matter in the end? Could something so natural be evil?

He could sense the woman's soul reaching out to him. And because he was as tired as he was apathetic, had made no real effort to push her away. He had barriers around his mind, she would be gone soon enough anyway.

In a flash he saw a face.

His sister's face.

And immediately the spell was shattered, he fell to his knees and promptly threw up his own dinner.

The Tree sighed and grumbled in the Earth. It had its meal now it wanted its dessert.

But the woman's soul was gone, flown to the wind like a dove before her wings could be clipped with a joyful sigh of victory.

Subaru spat out a harsh curse and lifted himself off the ground.

The Tree continue to nag him. He had taken away her best and he was a lousy replacement.

"Shutup," he snarled. His head still spinning from the psychic assault. He hadn't been expecting such an average looking woman to strike out at him like that. "It's too late now, she's gone ... you got your blood so shut up and be happy."

The Tree snorted indignantly but voiced no special objections. It was true, this soul had escaped.

He cleaned the blood off his hands in a nearby fountain, amused by the dark red clouds leaking into the clear water, and began walking home briskly. He looked forward to his bed.

"Subaru-dono!" an unfamiliar voice called for the first time.  
-----------------

Seishirou lips were soft as they rounded the curve of Subaru's shoulder. The same shoulder he had dislocated in a fit of passion nearly a year ago, Subaru thought.

The tongue darted across the more sensitive pit at the elbow, perhaps expecting a greater response than it got, for it drew away reluctantly.

He wasn't aware of Seishirou stare. His attention was fixed on the patterns of white citylight violating their darkness. The window was open, and small breezes blew the long, elegant curtains around in little circles and pushed a stray lock of black hair up and away from the Sumeragi's face every so often.

Subaru could have stared out at Tokyo's skyline from Seishirou's bed forever. But a sudden pain of teeth sinking into his arm jarred him away from his beloved Tokyo with a sharp yelp.

"Ah, there you are," Seishirou purred up against his ear, his arms pulling Subaru into an embrace-- their bodies spooned together. "Where were you Subaru-kun? What took you so far away from me?"

It was practically an instinct to snap, "none of your business."

Seishirou's hand slide down Subaru's arm until his fingers brushed across the star, making to burn a little. It was not especially painful, just uncomfortable. A reminder to Subaru.

"It's always my business," Seishirou said lowly, his face nuzzling the back of Subaru's head with little kisses. "You're worried."

"Aa," Subaru admitted, returning his attention to the skyline.

"And you feel guilty, which really is really no surprise since you feel guilty about everything."

"Aa," Subaru said again, before he glanced coldly at Seishirou. "And I do not."

"Yes you do ... now les' see, two for two ... going for a perfect score. You're worried about.."

He felt Seishirou lean forward, or perhaps pull him closer, and his tongue flick across Subaru's ear as he said, "Rocky-chan Neh?"

"Yes,"

"Your little talk didn't go so well?"

Subaru sighed, "No it's not that ... it's just..."

"Just? Subaru-kun are you keeping things from me now?" The older man's head rested on his shoulder teasingly. Subaru did not need to see the dark predatory look to know it was there. It had to be something about Seishirou's nose that gave him the ability to catch the looks of so many animals. Tonight it was a wolf.

"There are some things Seishirou-san, which are none of your business. And not my place to make your business either."

"Oh? I'm hurt Subaru-kun ... I realize neither you nor I have much experience in the matter, but don't people usually confide in their lovers?"

Subaru snapped his tongue irritably. "I was wondering what I'm going to do with him now."

"_Do?_ And this somehow is none of my business? I'm insulted ... I think what you **do** with that boy is certainly my business."

More teasing... Did Seishirou never get tried of that? No matter how old they got, or what happened between them?

"I'm serious, I won't let him just become a third wheel here. That's not fair to him ... but, he's got nowhere else to go."

"He's not that young, you were living on your own at his age..."

"That's different."

"Is it?"

"Yes ... I wasn't alone really. I had Hok-- I had family. He doesn't have anyone."

"Besides you?" Seishirou asked curiously, his hand was crawling up and down Subaru's spine, tracing gentle patterns over the skin.

"Aa ... and well he's the closest thing I have to family left."

"Ahhh ... I see," Seishirou teeth worked over Subaru's ear softly. "That is troublesome isn't it? What to do? What to do?"

Subaru sighed softly, his mind lapsed for just a moment to enjoy the feeling of Seishirou's delicate touches. His serious green eyes opened again and his expression seemed all the more sober. "He doesn't belong here, not now ... perhaps when we're finished ... but..."

"He'll only get in the way now."

"Yes... right now it can be only you and I. No one else can be involved." As the words slipped passed his lips, Seishirou's hand slide down his arm to lace together their fingers, back of the hand to the palm. "Maybe when this is over... Would you mind that?"

Seishirou considered the question briefly before shrugging. "I don't think I would no. I suppose that depends how you intend the relationship."

The words were dripping with more teasing, and Subaru gently elbowed Seishirou in the ribs. "Pervert," he accused.

Seishirou laughed off Subaru's scorn and turning the attention of his wondering hands back to Subaru's back. "I wouldn't worry about it Subaru-kun. Rocky-chan and I have come to an understanding."

Subaru allowed himself to melt into Seishirou's simple touch before those words sent a heavy jolt through him that pushed him back into alertness. "You what?"

He sat up, staring down at his lover almost horrified with desperate eyes. Eyes that searched for any indication that what he thought he heard didn't mean what he thought Seishirou meant by it.

Seishirou smiled gracefully, propping his head up on his hand and letting the other hand slide off Subaru's body and land on the sheets with the Sumeragi's motion. "That boy has very bad timing, normally it would be fatal."

"You didn't... you wouldn't..."

Seishirou blinked, "and why not?"

"Because you promised me you would leave him be."

"And I will, it's a harmless bet Subaru-kun.

"Seishirou-**san**" Subaru growled.

"What? He thinks he knows you better than I do, I'm just giving him an opportunity to prove it. If he wins he gets what he wants." The older man rose so that he was face to face with the Sumeragi. He smirked warmly and breathed the words "which is you" across the skin of Subaru's neck.

"And if he loses?"

"He leaves."

"That's it?"

In a cute gesture, Seishirou raised both of his hands defensively. "I swear. I have no intention of laying a finger on the child. It's simple bet, winner gets lovable kawaii Subaru-kun, loser packs their bags."

"And what if I told you both to fuck off?"

"Well ... he's a very cute boy Subaru-kun."

After a long silence Subaru frowned and concluded, "I don't like it."

"He could have said no, it was his choice. Besides you said so yourself, he can't be involved in this. This is you and me and no one else."

"You've already decided that he's lost then?" Subaru regarded suspiciously. He felt Seishirou's weight against his back and the man's cheek press into his shoulder.

"Are you going to leave me Subaru-kun? I'm hurt, I can be all cute and snugglely too."

"Fuck you," Subaru snorted.

"You know ... you're beginning to pick up some of the little gargoyle's more unpleasant quirks."

"I don't like thinking that things are decided already. I especially don't like thinking everyone else knows he's lost except him, I **especially** don't like anything that associates you with the word 'bet'... Brings up bad memories."

"Honestly Subaru-kun, has anyone every told you you're high maintenance?"


	11. Chapter 10

"Well ... I think it's time we established the specifics of our bet." Seishirou calmly poured a tall glass of milk and smoothly removed the soda out of Rocky's hand. The boy scowled, his hand reaching for his glass with an indignant snort as Seishirou swept it away and pushed the milk in front of him. The Sakurazukamori gave him a pleasant smile as if to say 'does your body good'. 

To which the boy responded with a glare that screamed 'give me back my Jolt Cola or get bitchslapped back to the Edo era'.

Seishirou ignored him and held up the soda critically. "Dear God," he hummed. "This stuff could eat the flesh off the bone ... Why on Earth do you drink it?"

"Because it's slightly easier to stomach than wrinkly old pedophiles."

Seishirou raised an eyebrow, his attention still fixed on the soda. "Ahhh...Rocky-chan, I was beginning to think you and I were getting along too. Or is it just time for your nap?"

"Kiss my ass."

"With pleasure," much to the boy's shock Seishirou started the climb over the counter. Rocky turned an unflattering shade of magenta and eeped as Seishirou hands almost caught around his waist. He scurried behind Subaru--who was doing the dishes

"Seishirou-san," Subaru said firmly, reaching around the teenager to grab another plate to be dried.

"Subaru-kun ... That was a proposition if I've ever heard one. It would be rude of me to turn it down."

"No rough housing inside," the Sumeragi said smoothly, nudging Rocky out of his way gently.

The older man took the opportunity to wrap both arms around the small teenager and grinned wickedly. He nuzzled the boy's ear just to hear him squeak and struggle in his hold. "What do you say? I think we could use some _quality time_"

Struggles turned into panicked thrashing. "You'll pay for this..."

Seishirou laughed softly and purred up against the creature. "Fine by me ... how much do you charge?"

"SUBARUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!"

With a little snort Seishirou roughly dropped the boy, pretending like he was hurt by the boy's repulsion. He offered Subaru a charming sympathetic sigh, "such a tease ... how do you control yourself Subaru?"

Subaru continued ignoring them.

The Sakurazukamori shrugged with a smile. "Now, about our bet..."

Rocky glanced briefly at Subaru before opening wide innocent eyes and batting his long eye lashes once. "Bet?"

"Oh don't play stupid he already knows all about it."

"He does?" Rocky blinked, looking back and forth between the two men. "You told him?"

"Of course I did, after all it does concern him doesn't it?"

The creature nodded mutely, Subaru continued to put dishes away with a cold darkness hovering about him. Seishirou cast a glance in Subaru's direction, sighed and smiled apologetically at the boy. "It seems he's going to be a grump about it ... party pooper."

Plates clanked loudly as Subaru put them away.

Rocky looked guiltily at the floor.

Seishirou rolled his eyes, "well this simply will not do. I'm sure angsting in your own little corners is quite a bonding experience, but if you don't cut it out I will lock you in the bedroom together until one of you has a meltdown."

Subaru and Rocky glanced at each other, then looked at Seishirou with a mix of confusion-- and disgust on Subaru part.

"That's better ... now ... I think you should go somewhere romantic!"

Rocky choked on his milk, his eyes snapping open into large shocked purple pools. "What?"

Seishirou snickered, "what's the matter Rocky-chan, afraid of putting out a little?"

"Shut up!"

"Tease."

"Pervert!"

Seishirou's stare hardened, "Me? Who has the Oedipus complex here?"

"I know a place," Subaru's soft voice interrupted their squabbling. "Just outside of the city, hot spring a family close to mine owns."

"Charming ... I'm jealous. But it's perfect, because I think we can agree if you can't change his mind after hot and sweaty naked fun ... you'll never be able to. Ne Rocky-chan?"

The boy was the color of a ripe radish. "Ahhhh... yeah... ummmm..." he blushed

More dishes clanked loudly as they were set down by rough and angry hands.

Seishirou glanced in the Sumeragi's direction. "I think, though, we should wait a week before you two set out. Give Subaru-kun sometime to get out of this funk." Smiling he patted Rocky on the head, "do me a favor Rocky-chan? Go down to the store and buy me a pack of cigarettes?"

Rocky blinked, "they won't sell them to me..."

"Well of course they will ... here," he pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket and set them on the boy's face. "There ... wear those and think really mean thoughts, they won't give you a problem."

The boy grinned and nodded, grabbing his jacket off the couch where he had so crassly left it. It slide over the bare skin of his shoulders with a hapless shrug, and after another foolish grin hopped out the front door.

Seishirou thought it was most curious. The boy knew he was a killer, but at the moment that didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. Was the tiny illusion of a family he never had before that important? Was the illusion that strong or was his want to believe it? That he would ignore the horrors that had been revealed to him for its sake?

Quite curious ... but then the Sakurazukamori was a master of illusion.

"Why are you doing this?" Subaru whispered after the door slammed. "I was prepared to tell him, why is it necessary to break his heart?"

Seishirou's stare was surprisingly cold as he walked over to where the Sumeragi stood. "I'm not blind Subaru ... well not completely anyway. Go," his arms wrapped around Subaru's chest, chin resting lazily on Subaru's shoulder. "Do what you want with him and get it out of your system." His finger brushed Subaru's lips softly. "Because when you return ... you'll be mine forever."  
--------------

Seishirou did not keep tokens.

He didn't need to, the action was natural and unconscious for him. There was no significance to it, he felt no exhilaration at the kill. Nor any wish to relive it. It was a worthless action and therefore went unmarked. To do so would be as strange as saving a fork to remember a meal. No matter how good the food had been...

There was something significant then about the ivory colored cross resting on his night stand. It was tacky-- threaded on a black shoelace worn and fraying with its age-- with reddish brown blemishes across the bottom and its left arm. It was excessive; a massive chuck of plastic that was once highly polished but now only gave off a dull luster. He thought of it then as he did now, that it was the most repulsive accessory.

But then ... Hokuto had horrible tastes.

It was creepy behavior, even for him.

His fingers had delicately worked the necklace out from under the stolen-- now bloody-- robes and slipped it into his pocket before he allowed the sakura's roots to work into her flesh.

The Tree grumbled over the loss of her soul and Seishirou had shrugged-- paying her no mind. There was nothing he could do after all ... there had been no soul left to satisfy the Tree.

Hokuto had a pathetic amount of power for a Sumeragi. But her final spell required a great deal to cast. She had used the strength of her own soul to cast it.

She had died happy. She had looked up at him with loving eyes. Eyes beaming with joy. She looked up at him, not a drop of defiance or spite or hate in her at the moment and she told him what she had done.

She had touched his face gently as she spoke, a touch of adoration.

There was a soft flicker in his heart when she smiled, proud of him in a bizarrely motherly way, and left a few whispered words before easing back into death. She had left life smoothly, as smooth and as soft as cream.

It was the smallest of touches, and was gone soon enough. He watched the Tree feed from her body with neither a shred of sorrow or guilt, just an unpleasant sick like feeling that had more to do with that flicker than her death.

Still...

10 years had passed and he kept her cross. She was not Christian, to her it had been almost as worthless as her life had been to him. But he bore it still ... all this time.

He felt weight shift across the bed from within the warm blackness of sleep. And quickly his consciousness began to raise to the surface. Gently he reached out of his sleep for Subaru.

It was the soft squeak that jolted his senses into realizing that it was not Subaru in his bed. He opened his eyes slowly to stare suspiciously at the embarrassed purple gaze belonging to the boy who had ended up practically on top of him in his efforts to reach over him to get something on the nightstand. Seishirou lifted an eyebrow in a silent, suspicious question. His expression freshly lathered with distrust and sleepiness. He spoke calmly, with a dull, flat tone in his words. "Well this is a pleasant surprise, not often I have a beautiful, limber boy wake me up like this."

Rocky turned a sickly shade of green and pulled back so far he fell completely off the bed.

Another squeak and a harsh thump. Seishirou smiled with amusement, he really was too cute.

"I was ... ummmm ... looking for something," Rocky stammered. "Subaru said he left it here."

Seishirou wondered why it was he had not detected the boy's presence, and how the boy had managed to break into his heavily warded apartment in the first place.

"Then why didn't Subaru-kun come to pick it up himself?"

"He's out ... working. He has a job tonight."

"Oh? And he didn't call to tell me you were heading over here? How unlike him."

"Well ... ahhhhh ... he kind of doesn't know I'm here," the boy admitted sheepishly.

Seishirou had already figured as much. Subaru trusted him, but it was not wise to tempt fate by sending the lamb into the lion's den. "How did you find this place then, if Subaru didn't tell you where I live?"

The boy shrugged awkwardly, indicating to his buried wings, "I felt my way here."

"Felt?"

"Followed Subaru's ... scent," he was not satisfied with that word.

Curious, Seishirou thought. The boy had followed the trails of Subaru's power like they were tracks in the snow. "and slipped under the door I presume?"

"The window," Rocky explained. "You left it unlocked."

Well of course he had, he was six stories up.

"Well then ... what is so important that you would break into my home rather than wait until morning for Subaru-kun to come get it?"

The boy pointed mutely at an object on the nightstand.

A bottlecap?

He blinked. He didn't know what it meant to the boy or how Subaru had ended up with it, or how it had come to sit right next to Hokuto's cross, but it struck him immediately as odd. If for no reason other than the juxtaposition of trinkets owned by one who held on to nothing and one who let nothing go. Wordlessly, he dropped the piece of junk into the boy's paws.

"What's that?"

Almost as soon as he deposited the bottlecap into the safety of his pocket, Rocky's mind was on the new course-- staring curiously at the pale cross by Seishirou's side.

Seishirou smoothly avoided the question, "Why do you ask?"

"It smells like Subaru ... kind of ... Subaru but not Subaru ... Is it his?"

Seishirou looked blankly at the cross, Rocky could sense an imprint left on the necklace nearly a decade ago? "No," he said sharply. "It's something of mine."

The boy reached out for it curiously, and before Seishirou could process the instinct he had seized his wrist with a painful snatch. Rocky made a sharp yelp as he was pulled to a terrifying closeness. Emotions were such meddlesome things, Seishirou thought as the sudden rage cooled in his chest. "Was there something else you came here for?"

Seishirou was holding his wrists tight enough to make the bones scream. His words hinted at the promise of a horrible violation should he not like the boy's answer. Rocky shook his head, eyes wide and terrified.

"Then," there was a dark hiss in Seishirou's voice. "Perhaps you should go?"

The boy nodded in response and scurried off the bed the moment Seishirou's grasp loosened. It was an odd sort of terror this boy showed, eyes filled with a pathetic sort of powerless whine. Unable to will the want to strike back or defend himself should Seishirou attack.

The Sakurazukamori followed him to the door, to ensure that the creature didn't stumble upon anymore information that Seishirou would not like Subaru to know. Not that there was much, the onmyouji knew almost all there was to know.

Seishirou could almost hear the gears turning in the boy's head, analyzing the situation over and over, trying to figure out where he's been wrong enough to make the patient older man that angry. Perhaps he considered apologizing a few times, before continuing to puzzle in waves of guilt. Each step was taken carefully and nervously, well aware of the beast stalking behind him.

Rocky stopped halfway to the front door and, tangled in his own thoughts, mumbled, "Subaru has a sister..."

That connection was all Seishirou needed to hear. Quickly he slid behind the boy and spun threads of spell around his young mind. The boy made a startled choking sound as the soft spell touched his mind and purple eyes immediately snapped open. His body went tense and resistant when the spell tried to seep in. His back pressed against the man's chest, Seishirou's arm holding him firmly in place so that he could not escape. His eyes quivered, looking up at Seishirou with a fascinated panic. A faint whimper escaped his lips.

"Sleep and forget," Seishirou purred.

Rocky was, as Seishirou expected, quite powerful and did not fall immediately. He twisted weakly in his arms, fighting a losing battle so stubbornly that Seishirou couldn't help but smile. He forced the boy's power down with some effort, holding it down so that the magic could take the boy's mind.

"Sleep ... and dream of your beloved Subaru."

Rocky's will faded, the spell gaining footing on his unconsciousness with every passing second. Seishirou's will consuming him, over powering him, forcing its way inside without his consent.

And the creature was lulled to sleep, body limp and vulnerable in Seishirou's arms.

When Subaru came home that night he found nothing out of the ordinary and Rocky sound asleep in his own bed.  
----------------

Lying in Subaru's bed he always felt safe, like the small glow of the Sumeragi's presence was an invisible shield. Mostly, though, he didn't feel alone here ... even though he always was alone. Even when he was with Subaru, the onmyouji was never with him.

But buried in the soft cotton sheets, feeling the Sumeragi's scent assaulting his senses it made him think that maybe in a small way... that wasn't true. It was warm here...

And he was always lured into the deepest sleep when in Subaru's bed.

Tonight was no exception ... only...

He dreamed.

He rarely if ever dreamed. But tonight the darkness was a tangible space in his mind. He floated lazily, looking about curiously-- noticing that his wings were drawn, the black leather relaxed and slightly curved around him.

Then the space became spotted by small speckles of pale color. Like tiny fish flowing in a large school on an invisible wind that swam around him, curiously brushing up against his skin as they passed.

He reached out his hand, finding that they shifted to avoid his grasp... again like fish.

Except they were not fish, he realized, they were petals...

"Who's there?" he called out, the sakura still twisting around him.

"A friend," someone answered, but he could not hear it ... only know that was the answer, and somehow feel it inside himself.

He looked around with a small degree of panic, trying to spot 'the friend' in the deep sea of black. "What do you want?"

"I think we may be able to help each other."

The petals swung close and brushed his cheek gently. It felt like a long finger, an invisible hand of something reached into his mind. It was not a touch he enjoyed. "Eh?"

"The people we love are going to destroy each other..."

Rocky's eyes grew wide with fear, "Subaru ... Subaru is in trouble?"

"Yes..."

He began to thrash about in the blackness, trying to force his way up out of that black sea. To break the surface of it and awaken. The sakura stiffened and drifted away from him as the voice spoke through him again and stopped his resistance.

"You can stop it."

Rocky froze, he did not like the sound of that ... it made it sound like Subaru was a willing participant in his own destruction and he had to interfere. He had no will to do that. His head turned, looking up at the sakura pelts circling above him, "how?"

"Stop him, if you don't he'll die."

Rocky frowned, this was not an answer he liked. "Will he be happy?"

The pelts stopped suddenly in their invisible wind. "Is that what you want?"

"No ... I didn't mean that, if doing this makes him happy I will not be happy for him ... but ... I will accept it. I don't wish him happiness without me, but I won't force him to be happy with me either."

The boy lowered his head, it was painful to admit that his intentions were not as pure as the Sakura had thought. The petals twitched with irritation. "Then ... you will not help me."

"I'm sorry, I don't want Subaru to die ... but ... I can't."

"Worthless," the Sakura stung, or maybe that was his own mind that accused him. But it was true, as low and pathetic as it was to even think it, it was true. He could not betray Subaru's wishes. If Subaru wanted to die...

The thought was cut off as his brain registered the sound of keys turning in the lock and abruptly freaked out. Shit, if Subaru found him in his bed, well the Sumeragi would likely not be pleased. Without a further thought to anything that had just transpired he leaped from the warm safety of Subaru's bed and flew down the hall to his own.  
--------------

He woke up in warm arms and warm touches running across his scalp..The touch creating soothing shivers through his body. Being touched ... made him want to throw up lately. But he suppressed that urge long enough to at least open his eyes and see who it was that was petting him.

It was Subaru.

Or at least much closer to Subaru than anything else. The young Sumeragi had not been Subaru for a while. When Rocky looked up into his eyes he saw only a void where Subaru had once been. He missed him...

Missed him to tears.

But he swallowed that urge, convinced that somewhere inside that shell Subaru was still there. After all there was small moments of reaction from the man and that had to come from somewhere right? Every now and then, a smile, a look of concern, a bit of anger or sadness broke through the steel of his eyes.

It was obvious to both of them that Seishirou's death was slowly rotting Subaru, but the Sumeragi insisted on pretending that everything was fine, that he was moving on-- a little colder but faithfully.

They never spoke about it.

"Subaru..." the boy breathed. "What are you doing here?"

He noted with some confusion that they were in his room and not Subaru's.

"You were screaming," the Sumeragi replied casually. "Bad dream?"

Rocky nodded softly then closed his eyes tightly and leaned into Subaru's touch. "You never call me that..." the boy mumbled so lightly Subaru had to strain to hear it. "Thank God you've never called me that..."

"Kamui?" a tremble of sincere concern broke through.

The boy shivered in an almost sick pleasure, "do that again.."

Subaru frowned, but did not falter in his gentle strokes. "Do what?"

"Say my name."

"...Kamui."

Rocky let out a quaking sigh of desperate relief and hugged Subaru tightly. "I was so scared ... afraid it might have been real, afraid of what it meant if it wasn't..."

It was obvious that the stoic onmyouji was a bit overwhelmed by this sudden hysteria. His arms held the creature, trying to reassure him as little as he could. "It was only a dream ... it's over now."

"No!" the boy said firmly, pushing Subaru away. "It's not a dream, it's ... a memory of a dream I had a long time ago."

Subaru was confused, "Kamui, you're not making any sense."

At the sound of his name, his real name, the boy trembled and reached back out for Subaru. "Promise me you'll never call me anything else..."

"Kamui..."

Large purple eyes begged him, "Please ... promise me."

Moments ticked by and Subaru stared down at the creature in his arms, unsure of how to interpret what he was witnessing. Finally he closed his eyes with a soft sigh and let the barest traces of a smile melt through. "Kamui ... I promise. I promise Kamui."  
---------------

Seishirou was pretending to read. Wearing a small pair of reading glasses because somehow they made him seem less threatening. A man in glasses is too weak to hurt you. Or so they thought.

The boy stirred then awakened. His purple eyes opening wearily with a small groan as his body reminded him of the damage done once again. Those eyes had not been opened more than three seconds before his senses had returned enough for him to detect Seishirou's silent presence in the dimly lit room. And they turned towards the Sakurazukamori with ice coating the dark pupils. Hard eyes, Seishirou thought.

Eyes that knew.

But that was impossible, he was getting paranoid in his old age.

Those violet irises only held the knowledge for a second before it was blinked away and Rocky smiled, all traces of that frost melting. Whether he was only faking cheerfulness, or the knowledge only registered in the darkest parts of his consciousness Seishirou couldn't decide. But it was clear even as the young boy grinned that on some level he **knew**. "What are you doing here?"

"Watching over you," Seishirou answered dryly, pretending to be too engrossed in his book to notice. Even though his every sense was fixated on this child. "You gave us quite a scare there Rocky-chan.."

"Did I?"

"Fell out of the sky. You're lucky you weren't too far up, you could have been killed."

"Well," the boy said cheerfully. "I don't really know what happened myself, they just wouldn't work." He was referring to his black companions. "It seemed like the air fell right through them for a second."

Rocky's body was littered with bruises, scraps and gashes where the concrete had ripped his skin open and fiery friction had burned the flesh. Subaru had worried that he might have cracked a rib in his fall too, but that turn out to be just another deep bruise. Other than that, the boy was unharmed. His wings had managed to slow his fall enough during their collapse, a stroke of luck for the boy.

"Well..." Seishirou began in a tired, irritated voice. "Subaru took care of the problem, you'll be fine now."

Those eyes, deceptive things really, shown innocently and he cocked his head to one side and interrupting Seishirou's thoughts with an innocent question, "Neh... Where is Subaru?"

"Out."

Seishirou made a note, this boy was like Subaru yes. But he evidentially had a thicker skin than the Sumeragi. If the barest trace of memory was haunting him, he was not letting on to it.

"Well obviously," Rocky rolled his eyes. "Any idea why?"

"Nope."


	12. Chapter 11

His arm was not wrapped around the boy's shoulders ... quite. Merely laying across the ridge of the bench they shared, lazily and undisturbed. Although the boy's soft skin touched the fabric of his sleeve, it was not an embrace in any recognizable sense. An embrace, a hug, a touch of that sort would have frightened the creature-- who had become very weary of being touched recently. But the boy was not afraid, nor nervous, nor threatened by the presence ... he was instead disturbed. By the shadow of a memory ... or rather the void where a memory should be. Troubles that pulled him so far inside himself it was doubtful that he was even aware of the arm resting almost over his shoulders. Doubtful that he noticed the cigarette smoke curling around him as if it was attracted to his breath. These things might have bothered him if the pain in his heart was not quite so great. 

"I can win," Rocky said. He was entranced by some intangible thought in the distant part of his mind. A revelation that was so close he could almost speak it, but that bleed through his fingers when he reached out for it. His eyes flickered sharply in his companion's direction, forming a glare that had grown more hateful in the past weeks.

"Can you now?" smoke curled from Seishirou's lips. He glanced for only a second at the boy, to confirm that the statement had been directed at him and not a street lamp or parked car. Even with the Sakurazukamori's shades, Rocky could tell the eyes were bored. Uninterested, unthreatened, unamused ... that his presence and his declaration meant nothing to the man. He had learned, Subaru had taught him, not to let his heart be stolen by those warm smiles on the Sakurazukamori's lips. Smiles like the one the man wore as he said, "what makes you think that?"

"I know what you did to me."

The statement startled Seishirou, but he did not show it. Nor did he deny the incident to which Rocky was referring to. "And how is that possible?"

"Well I don't know exactly what ... but I can smell you on me ... and that's all I need to tell Subaru. That you broke your promise."

"Aa ... not intentionally," Seishirou corrected smartly. "How was I to know?"

"He'll be furious."

Rocky crinkled his nose as Seishirou brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled sharply, holding the smoke in his lungs as if it was the thought he was digesting. The man flicked the ash as he exhaled lazily, concluding ... "I killed his sister."

Rocky made a little startled hiss and turned to look directly at Seishirou, who was as impassive as ever. "What?"

The smiled on the Sakurazukamori's face changed courses, looking a little sadder than before and a little less cocky. "I killed his sister," he repeated. "Do you think that anything will change if you tell him? He knows this, and yet ... he's still here. And you are not half as precious to him as she was."

The creature fell silent, eyes searching through the tears as if there was some obvious solution written on the pavement.

"You're absolutely right, he will be furious ... but it will change nothing."

"He won't forgive you ... not for betraying me like this."

"No," Seishirou purred through another breath of smoke. "You are probably right about that too."

Rocky's eyes were as hard and glassy as black volcanic ore. "I won't let you hurt him. I'm going to beat you."

Seishirou felt what he believed people called 'pity'. So sweet and innocent, so willing to atone for even the crimes of others just so he wouldn't be alone ... such people deserved the world didn't they? Nevertheless, Seishirou is was still Seishirou. Subaru may have planted emotions in his heart and forced him to feel things, but even those saplings of emotion couldn't make him think of this boy as anything more than an object in his way. He didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt over almost killing him.  
----------------

Rocky had never been to a hot spring before.

He had heard of them of course, but only bits and pieces from people that ran in and out of the good doctor's house where he had been taken care of for his whole life. Fragments of advice here and there. Bits of murmured wisdom about the therapeutic qualities in such an escape. But he had never been to such a place nor would he ever have had the hope of going until Subaru opened his back and the world to him.

The doctor and his wife had never intended to adopt him, only find him a good home once he was well enough ... and they had he supposed. They found him Subaru. For 16 years he was alone, taken care of by kind hearts who would not be a family. Until the young onmyouji with the strange scars on his hands touched the fragile shell of his heart and claimed him forever.

Slivers of medical advice and muffled words familiarized him with the concept of a hot spring. They did not prepare him for the reality of it.

Not that it was an especially horrifying reality.

"It smells," he commented, wrinkling up his nose and taking a small step back. He knew Subaru was behind him, he was not aware of how close. And when his back bumped into Subaru's chest he 'eeped' and shot forward, the blood rushing to his cheeks.

Subaru chuckled softly and stepped into the spring, like his body was melting into the water. Slowly inches of pale flesh were swallowed up by the hungry hot water, massaging the senses with heat.

Rocky watched, unable to look away from the intoxicating sight before him. There was a tiny part of him the felt like such a pervert watching the water lap Subaru's naked body, and he tired to convince his eyes of all the fascinating qualities about his feet. But they would not believe him and argued that the figure before him was much more interesting.

The Sumeragi sighed contentedly, letting the heat enter every pore and flood his body with its deep relaxation. He rotated his shoulder as the steam worked at tense knots in his muscles. He needed this ... he had probably needed this for a long, long time. When was the last time he had a vacation?

Come to think of it ... he never had a vacation had he? He opened his eyes, snickering at his own discovery. After this mess with Seishirou-san was settled, if he survived it, he was going on vacation. A month long vacation...

From across the pool he spotted his young charge looking quite flustered and unsure of himself. Dipping his toe in than jerking it out, noting the deep red color tinting the skin. The boy bit his lip and shook his foot a little, wondering if it was practical to wait for the water to cool...

Subaru cracked a smile. "Just come in, you'll get used to the heat."

Rocky made a small startled sound and he blushed furiously, almost rivaling his toe in color.

Subaru's eyes drifted shut again as he listened to the sounds of the water gently rippling against Rocky's skin. The boy sighed, the heat made his skin tingle. At first it was painful, the water flushing him a delicate shade of pink, the steam clogging his lungs and making him sweat. But he sank into it and the waters began to work into him, calming stiffness here and there, soothing aches and bruises.

An uneasy stillness fell over the spring, one that was punctuated by the boy's nervous glances at Subaru ever few minutes. He couldn't have gotten any further away from the Sumeragi if he melted into the rock.

In between those stolen glances, the boy stared shyly at the surface of the pool, trying to force his mind to wander elsewhere. A way from the naked body of his beloved. Think about anything other than that. Trees ... birds ... clouds ... fish ... hot water devouring hot fle--No! No! Bad Kamui! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts!

One green eye opened lazily and Subaru watched the boy's careful lamenting for a moment, noting that Rocky was twitching ever so slightly. It was a subtle and barely noticeable quirk just below his eye, but persistent and worrisome.

"What's the matter?" he kept his voice smooth and peaceful, flustering the boy even more.

The creature made a little jump, the water twinkling around him as moved. "N-nothing!"

Subaru chuckled and pushed away from the wall, slowly approaching the boy. "No ... something's wrong ... now what is it?"

He stopped half way across the pool, not wanting the creature to feel cornered or trapped.

Rocky blushed a deeper shade and looked up into Subaru's eyes. He pushed forward and waded with little hops until he had closed most of the distance between them. "Subaru?"

"Aa?"

"Can I..." he trailed off nervously and the little twitch sent another spark through his face. He shrugged and waved his chin towards his back.

Subaru studied the boy, then glanced around the spring to confirm that they were indeed alone. "Are they bothering you?"

"They itch ... I think it's the heat..."

The Sumeragi nodded, leaning back to rest once again at the end of the pool. "Aa, go ahead."

"You won't get in trouble?"

"There's nobody here, anyone coming this way we'll likely hear before they can see anything."

The boy grinned brightly. Then a breath ... and all emotion was washed away by a moment of solid concentration. He arched his back to accommodate the force pushing up against it. The water parted around the big black wings as they emerged from their human container. He stretched with a happy little sigh, the tips of the wings scratching the stars, and practically melted into the pool.

There were approximately 10 minutes of absolute peace before a wave of warm water smacked Subaru in the face.

His eyes snapped open, blinking in confusion before coming to rest on the boy grinning mischievously before him.

"You splashed me..."

Rocky nodded, smiling wildly.

"You splashed me..." Subaru repeated, pushing his damp bangs out of his eyes.

"Uh-huh," another nod, then the confidence was drained from his face and purple eyes trembled with silly fears. "...oh ... I'm sorry Subarr---ACCKKK!!!"

Before he could move away he was swept out of the water and hanging upside down, hair lapping at the pool. Subaru's arm was wrapped firmly around his waist and a delicate smirk of raw evilness smeared across the Sumeragi's face. The boy stared blankly at the onmyouji before his eyes came to a horrifying conclusion. "Oh no, Subaru-- no, no, no!!"

His shouts came out in waves of giggles before Subaru dropped him unceremoniously into the pool of steaming water. Moments later the water exploded, waves cresting like a flower in bloom, the boy emerging with a gasp from its center. Several rough coughs and chokes later, he shook the water from his smoky hair-- sending a ripple of droplets all around him. Subaru lifted his arm to block the spray from his eyes with a small amused laugh

Rocky scowled before pouncing, wrapping his arms around the Sumeragi's neck and his legs around his waist. "You rat! I got water up my nose!!"

"Well you started it," Subaru grinned.

The creature's black wings beat strongly-- asserting their dominance over the onmyouji. Or at least ... that would have been the effect had the force not knocked Subaru off balance and caused them to fall back into the spring with a startled squeal from the boy.

Subaru shook off the water with a cheerful laugh, looking down at the boy now nestled in his arms. Rocky looked like a drowned rat, scowling coldly with water dripping from every edge of his body. He coughed a few more times glared up at the hysterical Sumeragi. "This is not funny... I got water up my nose again ... eck..."

It took a few minutes for Subaru to force his laughter down to only an occasional chuckle between words. "I'm sorry ... are you all right?"

The boy snorted and folded his arms sternly over his chest. "I could have drowned!!!"

"I know, I'm still disappointed," Subaru smiled.

Rocky blinked a few times before he realized that was an insult and punched the onmyouji's shoulder hard. Another bout of splashing and wrestling broke out shortly there after, with the winged boy having a distant advantage with his large black shadows.

"You bastard I'll show you who you're dealing with!" the boy squeaked as he thrashed helplessly in Subaru's hold. It was pretty obvious though, that he was not fighting the Sumeragi that much. Not nearly as much as he could given the powerful wings folded neatly on his back.

Subaru growled something into the boy's ear that made him explode into helpless giggles. A sleek wing flipped a bit of water into the Sumeragi's face. The arms around him fled, allowing him to back Subaru into the wall.

Breaths came out in soft pants, laughter and snickers shared between them before Rocky placed his head on Subaru's shoulder and smiled. "I give up," he sighed. "You win..."

The Sumeragi chuckled and marked his victory by nipping his victim below the ear. Rocky squealed and twisted closer until Subaru's arms circled his waist.

"Subaru?"

"Aa?"

The boy was lounged in his arms. An odd position, Subaru thought, since it should feel very awkward and embarrassing for them ... but it didn't. His head rested on Subaru's shoulder, arms almost wrapped around his neck and wings lazily circling them both in a half hug. Subaru did not mind it, perhaps it was because Rocky loved him and cared nothing for satisfying his own desires because of it. He was content just to be allowed in Subaru's presence, something Subaru found oddly sweet, and could not turn him away.

"Why do you love him?"

Anyone else would have asked, "why do you love him instead of me?"

Rocky had an odd way of knowing what it was not within his right to change, and not fighting it.

"Well ... Why do you love me?" Subaru asked gently.

"Because you're Subaru."

Subaru smiled, "so you'd love anyone else named Subaru?"

"No... I meant... you're a good person."

"Aa," he let his eyes drift shut slowly. "It's the same."

He felt Rocky tense, as he knew he would. "Subaru, Seishirou-san is not a good person."

One green eye opened with a smile embedded in it, "I didn't mean that. We don't love the people who deserve love. There is no perfect person ... no person without flaws that can't hurt and injure. We love those who need it. The more badly they need it, the more we love them. You love me, because you see that need and wish to fill it. If I was perfectly happy would you still love me as much, even though I was the same good person and still deserving of love? It is the same."

Rocky closed his eyes tightly, pain... pain, it took him a moment to recognize it as that. Pain from hearing something I could not deny but did not want to admit.

"Loving Seishirou-san kills me it hurts so much ... but he needs it, and he needs it from me because I'm his equal."

He let the boy cry... and said nothing, knowing that Rocky was trying to hide his tears. They were not hard sobs, only gentle tears of a truth he had wanted so badly not to accept. Soft drops of salt water rolling down the pale skin naturally and unresisted.

"And as for why I don't send you away if I love him so much ... you need to be here, and maybe I need you here too."

It was a horrible cruel thing to say, Subaru realized as the words were spoken, but he could not call them back. And they were true, if nothing else Rocky was a distraction that kept him grounded in reality. Someone to keep him from falling into himself. The loneliness always made him think of things he did not wish to consider.

Besides, he was rather fond of the boy.

"What do you hope for Subaru?" Rocky asked suddenly, terminating the closeness between them as if sensing that the intimacy Subaru would allow him had reached its peak.

Subaru blinked, "how do you mean?"

"If you had the option of choosing exactly how things would turn out, what would you decide Subaru?"

The onmyouji frowned, "I'm not fond of idealism Kamui--"

"I know but..." he glanced around cautiously. "There's no one else here and I won't tell. Nor do you have to feel obliged to follow through just because you've admitted to it. I'm just curious."

Subaru ruffled the boy's hair teasingly, he could be so cute sometimes. "Well... Let's see... first there's Seishirou-san I... well I'm not sure what I'd want from him, nothing seems probable. But, I'd like to be with him ... who ever that turns out to be ... living as we did before he realized he loved me... maybe..."

"Maybe what?" Rocky stared at him in a way that demanded total honesty for him.

"Maybe, I'd like to give up onmyoujitsu, and I'd like him to do that as well."

"And live a normal life?"

"No... we're beyond normal's reach now I think. Just a less complicated one."

"Anything else?" Rocky asked hopefully. He was rather obvious like that, Subaru thought. He was looking for his spot in this little future.

"I'd get you a girlfriend," Subaru smiled. Rocky made a little indigent snort and pretending to be hurt. He knew the statement was not meant to offend him, only divert from what Subaru could not answer.

"Subaru?"

"Aa?"

"Did he ... did he really kill your sister?"

The question startled Subaru so deeply that a sudden gasp slipped passed him lips. "How did you know about that?"

Rocky looked down into the milky silver surface before him, feeling strangely guilty for stealing this little bit of information from Seishirou and being caught with it. "He said he did ... but I wonder how he meant it. Sometimes people say that metaphorically. I thought maybe--"

"No..." Subaru breathed, his voice soft but dark-- cast in deep shadows of a pain that had branded his hide. "He meant that literally ... he murdered my sister ... when did he tell you this?"

"Yesterday night."

Then it was true, the boy thought, if after all this Subaru still loved Seishirou ... Subaru belonged to Seishirou. No, he hated the sound of that ... It shouldn't be like that. That Subaru was just an object to be owned ... it _wasn't_ like that, even if it had been at one time.

Subaru belonged _**with**_ Seishirou.

Maybe it made sense. He loved Subaru, but they were so far apart ... thrown together by utter necessity. Still ... why couldn't he make his heart understand? Why after all this time wouldn't it realize that wanting Subaru was like trying to grab the stars with your hand?

They only appear close enough for your reach.

"I should go," he murmured. "I should go, I should go..."

Tears were running down his cheeks again and a whimper escaped his lips to chase after them. He felt Subaru wade closer and strong arms gently wrap around him. He savored the warmth and scent of the Sumeragi for what he was sure would be the last time, wanting to burn it into his memories forever.

"You don't have to you know," Subaru whispered, husky but gentle and undemanding. "You can stay for tonight with me, and then after a week or so ... you could come back. You don't have to leave Kamui, not forever."

His hands let the feather-soft smoke colored strands slip through his fingers with gentle strokes. The boy nuzzled the base of his neck gently, the longing swelling in his heart before his whole body shook it away. "No ... no ... I have to leave Subaru. Now, while it hurts to be here. If I don't I might never escape it. I might never be able to stop wanting you."

"... I understand," Subaru smiled softly. "But ... where will you go?"

"I'll survive ... maybe go back home, I'll find somehow Subaru." The boy looked up with an honest smile. A wide smile that although smothered in sadness, was not forced. "Don't worry about me, really ... I'll find a way."

"On your own? All alone in the world?"

Rocky nodded, "it's not so bad when ... It won't last forever, not if I don't want it too. I can make friends and..." he laughed softly. "Well ... I'll find a way."

Subaru planted a kiss on the top of the creature's head. "You're very brave ... thank you ... if you ever need anything, anything at all..."

"Of course, of course," the boy grinned. "You and Seishirou-san will be the first people to get me out of trouble" Then after a pause, the boy looked up again. "Subaru?"

"Yes?"

"What are you planning to do? I know ... I know you're going to do something, which is why you can allow it ... why you can stay with him even when he-- Well ... I know I have no right to know, but I have to ... otherwise for the rest of my life I'll wonder what it was and what happened to you."

Subaru sighed, leaning back onto the rocks and staring up to the navy sequined sky. "I don't know really..."

"Is ... he going to kill you?"

The Sumeragi's breath was seized in his lungs with a soft hiss, his eyes snapped open and he stared at the boy in his arms in shock. "How--"

"Someone told me you were going to die ... I don't know beyond that. I knew it was the truth though, and I had to ask Subaru. Is it true?"

"Yes."

Eyes that felt the pain of betrayal but none of the shock searched him for an answer. He knew it had been true, he could sort of feel it in Subaru. The tire, the long for an end. It was faint, but he knew Subaru so well ... perhaps not in fact as Seishirou did, but in sense. "Why?" he whispered. "Why do you want to die?"

"I'm tired..." Subaru admitted sadly. "Life presents so much pain, I think it's worn me too far down. But--"

"But?"

Subaru smiled again, petting the ridge of the boy's dark wing gently. "I want to stop him Kamui, I can't allow it ... because it would hurt him if he killed me."

"So ... what will you do?"

"I don't know ... I have to face him Kamui. I have to follow through and hope for the best. I don't believe I will die-- as much as I may harbor that hope. That everything may just end and I won't every have to confront suffering again ... I don't believe that will happen. I don't know what will happen."

"I should go," Rocky announced again, drawing himself out of Subaru's arms and leaving the shelter of the springs. The words had more resolve in them.

He dressed quickly, almost afraid to look at Subaru as the man followed his lead, raising from the pool of silver steam and reaching for his towel.

"I wish I could say that I hope you and Seishirou-san are happy together, but I cannot because I do not wish that. I do hope that you forget me quickly and regret nothing." His words were quick as his fingers laced together the buttons running down the back of his neck

"That's very sweet of you..." Subaru smiled. "Do you think it's possible to love two people at once?"

Rocky blinked, "Subaru..."

"I care about you very much," Subaru's hand cupped the boy's cheek. "I also care about Seishirou-san very much ... I have no desire to weight and judge who I love more. Don't think that I'm choosing him over you, know that this is only what I must do. Even if I felt nothing for Seishirou-san ... things would be the same."

"Subaru" his voice was no longer one of a boy. It was firm, the voice of an equal. "May I ask something of you?"

"Go ahead ... I'll do what I can."

"May I have one thing to take with me that you give to no one else? Not even to him ... I know it's a lot ... but ... can I have one moment, even if you can only manage a second, one moment where you are with me ... actually with me Subaru. One moment where what might happen in the future and what happened in the past doesn't matter. Just one moment Subaru, escape time and stand here with me."

Subaru's smile broaden and he stroked Rocky's hair tenderly. There was a long silence like that Rocky had never known, a soft warm silence and he knew that his request would be granted before Subaru spoke the words, "all right."

The Sumeragi's eyes drifted closed and he took a deep breath, all his masks and defensives slipping away from his face. He did not look sad, or happy. He looked like he had fallen into the deepest peace, like he was asleep.

When his eyes opened again there were stars in them. A vast sky of green, sparkles twinkling throughout. They were so bright, so naked, so pure. Like pools of light dew collected on green leaves. Rocky breath was caught in his throat, for he knew that Subaru was focused totally on him. His eyes wandered over the vision slowly, want to hold as many detail in his memories as possible. Subaru was ethereal, a relaxed mind unburdened by worries and memories, his body seemed to glow with a simple pleasure. A soul that quivered in pain so often was for but a moment at peace.

The boy was in awe. And before he could even think to resist it, he buried his face in Subaru's chest, drinking in the Sumeragi's presence.

He knew that he was risking losing this gift, but he also knew that if he did not do it... he would remember the want over everything else. So there was no other choice. He lifted his heels off the ground and pressed their lips together.

Subaru was only momentarily surprised by the kiss, a small startled grunt clicking in his throat as the boy's soft skin touched his. He accepted the gesture warmly, drawing the boy just a little closer and responded gently. His body calm and tender, but not submissive. Just accepting, taking what was offered and thanking the boy for his kindness.

Rocky reached up with his hand and touched Subaru's cheek. He felt a flicker on the skin and he knew the moment was fading quickly. So he didn't protest when Subaru pulled back as the thoughts of what was to come swept those naked eyes away from his face.

The boy was sad, he missed the moment already. But he was also happy. Subaru had given him more than he thought he would. "Thank you," he breathed, his hand sliding into the Sumeragi's. Subaru squeezed it gently.

Rocky's wings fanned out gracefully and the breeze lifted him off his feet. The silver drops began to trickle down his cheeks as he let his body be lifted off into the air steadily. "I love you Subaru, remember only that ... that someone loves you, and always will."

"I will," Subaru said, still holding the boy's hand.

Rocky's grip loosen, his hand sliding away like water slowly draining off a surface. "Good Luck."

Subaru nodded. Then as the boy was lifted higher by the air stream and their fingers slide apart he whispered, "Goodbye Kamui."  
---------------

"I'm sorry," Subaru said simply. "I didn't know."

Rocky shrugged, his wings twitching softly as he hung his head down and swung his legs slightly, sitting on Subaru's bed. "It's okay ... I survived, and it hardly seems to matter now that he's ... gone."

"It does matter. He shouldn't have done it ... I wish I knew about it before."

Rocky looked apathetically over his shoulder at Subaru, "what would you have done if you had?"

Subaru began to say something, but decidedly that was a lie before the sound reached Rocky's ears and cut it off. He let out a soft sigh of frustration and stared guilty at the floor boards. The anguish was real, but it was gone so quickly and the words Subaru spoke were meaningless to him. Rocky didn't know what Subaru was trying to preserve anymore. The man had changed so much since Seishirou had died and now he had to stare though layers and layers of ice to even see a flicker of the Sumeragi he once knew.

It hurt his heart to watch it.

"He was right, it wouldn't have changed anything ... so it was better that you didn't know about it. Besides," the boy beamed, a sudden rush of cheerfulness flushing his face. "I survived, so it's okay."

"If I hadn't..." Subaru began. He stopped as he wasn't sure whether he wanted to continue his line of questioning. Then he apparently decided that he had to know. "If I hadn't told you no last night, if I had taken you up on your offer ... would you still have told me this?"

"No ... I don't know why I told you in the first place, I don't really know anything for sure ... just vague feelings ... I didn't intend on ever telling you. But-- I can smell it Subaru..."

"Is that why you asked?"

"Maybe," the boy admitted softly. "I really wanted to help you though, but I also wanted some freedom from the guilt too. I thought maybe ... if I did, then the nightmares would go away. Or I wouldn't be scared of them anymore, having experienced the reality."

"How long have you been having nightmares Kamui?"

"Since he died..." the boy paused, tongue trying to speak, but words choking in his throat. Finally he lowered his head a little and confessed softly, "Subaru ... I killed him."

Subaru approached carefully, pulling the boy into his arms gently, being very carefully not to startle him. "You did nothing of the sort."

Subaru's voice indicated absolutely no reaction. It appeared that whatever fragment of his soul had been exposed had already withdrawn under the protective steel of his green eyes.

The creature's control had melted into little sobs which he desperately tried to choke back. "Yes I did ... if I hadn't been there, you would have..."

Subaru 'shhhed' him gently, but it was something that made the tears more violent than ease them ... because they both knew well enough the Seishirou had taught Subaru the act. That the Sumeragi's soul was cooling with each passing day ... until not even Kamui could reach his heart. Until everyone was worthless to him.

"I didn't want him to die ... I didn't want him to ... I hated him for what he did, but ... I miss him too..."

Subaru fell silent, his hand stroking the boy's hair softly. But there was no spirit behind it, only habit of what one should do for someone in pain.

"Subaru ... did he really...?"

"You don't know?"

The boy shook his head, "I thought that maybe ... but everything's so fuzzy, I can't remember what really happened and what I can remember doesn't make sense."

"What can you remember?"

"A dream..."

"That's it?"

The creature nodded.

Subaru's face was blank, totally devoid of any reaction to what he was being told. Perhaps he could no longer feel, his heart broken and numbed by waves of loss and betrayal. Perhaps he did not allow himself to feel anymore.

Rocky felt as if he was staring into polished glass, seeing only his own distorted reflection. Or maybe that deformed image of himself was the truth and the clean, beautiful boy the lie. He turned away, tears cluttering his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Subaru said. His voice was warm, but then, so had Seishirou's. "I feel that by giving him emotions I made him more dangerous than ever before. He wouldn't have done that if he cared nothing for me. It was cruel."

"It's okay," Rocky murmured. "I don't know anything for sure .. But I can smell him on me ... still ... I know he did something Subaru." His voice cracked and the tears began to drain out. "I just ... I don't remember."

Subaru soothed him, allowing the boy to bury his face in his shirt. "It was a spell ... Just a spell Kamui, he forced you to sleep and erased your memory."

Rocky nodded and bit his lip with a soft whimper. "It used to be you ... I used to feel you in every part of me. And I was yours and no matter what I had someone to whom I belonged. I want that back Subaru ... but he won't give it back."

"What about you Kamui? Can't you belong to yourself?"  
-----------------

"What? You don't like her? She was very healthy I assure you."

The Tree grunted, unsatisfied. Nevertheless her roots took the Sumeragi's offering mechanically. Not stubborn enough to deny the need from hunger, but no less upset about the blood it was being feed.

Subaru felt a rush of relief as the blood worked its way into the Tree's system and the Sakura released his mind for a moment while it feed. For a moment the insanity he had inherited from Seishirou was gone.

He understood now that Sakurazukamori's were trained to have no emotions as an act of mercy.

The Tree stirred with sloppy slurps. Talking with its mouth full of blood Subaru mused.

"What? The blood is good isn't it? I told you she was perfectly healthy. And you obviously enjoyed her soul..."

A branch blooming with pink blossoms reached out and touched his face gently.

"Don't be vain," Subaru snorted. "You're the most beautiful and impressive tree in the park ... possibly all of Japan."

The Tree was not satisfied.

"What? What could you possibly want?"

The Tree grinned eagerly.

Subaru frowned, not understanding. "Why do you want that?"

"Please?"


	13. Chapter 12

"I've been looking for you for a while." the boy began. 

I looked up from my letters and notes, work for the newest history to be fashioned. "Oh? Have you? I was under the impression that you didn't approve of my work."

"I didn't ... but ... there are things that I do not wish to hold onto anymore. So I'm giving them to you, because you want them and I know you will take good care of them."

I frowned, not following him. "What do you mean? Give me what?"

"My memories."

I raised an eyebrow half in shock, half in suspicion. "What do you mean?"

The boy ... no he was no longer a boy I suppose, flopped down into the big cushy chair in front of my desk. He grinned mischievously, fingers drumming on the arm rest as he looked around my office curiously. "I must admit that ... when I first met you, I hated the idea of you. I didn't want Subaru to remember because ... I was afraid that in looking back he might discover that it was all my fault after all. I was afraid of so many things, mostly because I could not believe that after such a painful past Subaru still let me stay.

"But after he was done telling you the story about the last Sakurazukamori ... I realized things that I hadn't even considered before. And now I'm here to finish the job."

"Oh are you?" I pulled out a small leather volume among my books. "So you're saying this story isn't complete?" I tapped once on the book's face.

Rocky picked up the book and idly flipped through the pages, "what do you do with these things anyway? Publish them?"

I laughed, "maybe when I'm dead. No ... no ... a lot of these stories are very much like yours, too intimate to be shared just yet. One day though..."

My unexpected guest sat the book in his lap and leaned back, folding his arms underneath his head. "Well ... you're going to have to add a lot more pages when we're done."

"Oh? Have I missed that much?"

He nodded, "there was a lot that Subaru didn't tell you. Because ... because he was protecting me. This..." he studied some of the pages carefully, although I suspected he probably could not read very much of it. "Is not the truth."

"It's not?"

"Well it is, fact wise. But there's a lot more to the truth than facts. You will probably have to rewrite much of this I imagine."

I smiled, amused at this creature's smugness. Arrogant as always. "And you've come to fill me in on what I've missed? For what reason?"

Rocky slide down in his seat a bit, his arms continuing to cushion his head, but his eyes appearing more honest. A dull sort of sadness glazing the purple surface. "It's not because I like you ... It's just not important to keep these things to myself anymore. I guess I just want to move on."

"All right then ... fill in the blanks for me," I offered with a gentle tap of the record button on my tape player.

The creature sighed slightly, "well ... to start ... my name's not Rocky."

"I figured as much."

He blinked, a little surprised by my admittance. "You did huh?"

"Yes ... you never gave me a family name. When someone just introduces themselves with one name, it's a safe bet it's not their real one. But I figured you had your reasons. Everyone does..."

"Aa ... well I didn't have a family then. So even my real family name was pretty meaningless. I suppose a fake one never occurred to me. Anyway, my real name is Kamui Shirou."

He paused, holding the leather bound book up to his stare for a few moments before continuing. "Secondly, the title of this record ... 'The Last Sakurazukamori' is not true. Seishirou-san was not the last."

"Oh?"

Roc--Kamui nodded solemnly, and for the first time I realized the shirt he was wearing was very similar to the ones I had seen Subaru wear. This might not have been unusual if it wasn't for the sleeves that came all the way down to wrists and the full back. A normal shirt, like a normal boy his age would. I must have seen this detail before but simply not recognized the significance to it.

"Hey ... what happened to your wings?"

He closed his eyes softly, "... yes ... and then there's that."  
------------

Soaring only feet above their heads, light and more graceful than any bird that takes to air. It was as if the sky was natural to him, as comforting as the womb, as secure as the ground. Seishirou was not surprised, it had been Subaru who had given those wings and the boy trusted Subaru blindly.

The young Sumeragi in question kept his leisurely pace well. His eyes cast down at the pavement with a soft, melancholy, reflective happiness as if there was no place better than this moment. Walking to no where in particular with his new ironic type family. It was very strange, Seishirou thought. Very strange indeed, although not entirely displeasing.

A white shikigami hit the pavement with a sharp splat only steps before them.

Seishirou looked up with a disapproving frown, "well aren't we the little toddler today?"

"I hate those things ... it was annoying me," Rocky snorted coldly, stretching the black wing turned shikigami-swatter a little.

"Scamp."

"Loser."

"Brat."

"Pedophile."

"CHIIILD," Seishirou grinned, watching dangerous cold eyes glare down at him.

"He has a headache he can't shake," Subaru said by way of explanation.

"You spoil the boy," Seishirou muttered. Then he pretended to be hurt, "why are you taking his side Subaru-kun?"

"Cause he loves me more," Rocky hummed just above Seishirou's ear. "I'm cuter."

Subaru rolled his eyes. "I'm not taking his side ... I think you're both quite impossible."

Rocky pretended not to hear and stuck his tongue out at Seishirou, who followed suite.

"I don't see how a flying rodent could be considered cuter than me."

The boy batted a long black wing in Seishirou's direction, sending a hard wind that nearly knocked the older man over. The air lifted him up into the sky with a cool laugh before Seishirou's hand could snag him.

Of course if he had any interest in doing so he could have easily plucked the creature right out of the sky. But it was more fun to stomp and shake his first at him. "Pest!" he cursed.

Subaru had long given up on either of them showing a shred of maturity and was walking meters ahead, pretending he didn't know them.

"Absolutely no sense of humor," Seishirou hummed disapprovingly. "And frigid too ... well at least we have each other, neh Rocky-chan?"

When no high-pitched flustered snap met his wit, Seishirou looked to the evening's sky curiously. It was not like the creature to ignore Seishirou's teasing. Very unlike him to show any self restraint in that regard.

His eyes examined the sight before him carefully, least it be some fight against the wind that was deceiving him. The boy hovered above clumsily, disorientated, with wings having abandoned their smooth grace for jerks and wavers.

"Oi," he called out to the boy. "You all right?"

Rocky blinked and looked down at Seishirou with a stare of utter bewilderment. He blinked again before shaking the confusion from himself like water from a dog's heavy coat. "Yeah ... I'm fine."

"You don't look to good," Seishirou commented.

"I'm fine!" the words were delivered with so much venom and hostility that his eyes burned with an unnatural fury.

Much to his personal distaste, that startled Seishirou. He came to a stop and watched the boy struggle a little, before gliding steadily again.

Shrugging he continued walking casually down the street.

Subaru, however, kept his eyes firmly on the boy in the air as he stood silently, frozen on the cement. It took only a few steps before Seishirou was at the Sumeragi's side again.

"Stubborn brat ... rather cranky isn't he?"

"He's not feeling well..." Subaru mumbled. The words seemed to have a deeper significance that Seishirou was not privy to.

Seishirou rolled his eyes, "obnoxiously maternal. Come now Subaru-kun the little baby bird has to leave the nest some time."

Subaru allowed only a glance in reply before he continued his worried frowning.

"Maybe we should head home ... it's getting late and this relaxing stroll is becoming increasingly less relaxing..."

"Aa..." Subaru nodded. "That's a good idea ... thank you."

"Neh Rocky-chan!! We're going home, come on."

The boy did not respond, his body hanging limply from his wings, his spine barely holding himself up enough to remain airborne.

Subaru's breath caught in his throat, a sudden realizing fear gripping his face-- alerted by a sense Seishirou wasn't using. Had he cared to reach out with his onmyoujitsu he would have noticed like Subaru that those black wings were trembling. That they been overtaken by a violent unnatural shiver through their very essence.

Subaru would have called out except he doubted the boy could hear him. He might have still if the winged creature has not tilted oddly and plugged out of the sky before his eyes.

"KAMUI!!!"

At the sound of his name, or perhaps the sensation of falling, the boy's body lashed out ... like the wind was something tangible he could grab with his hands and feet. But the air fell right through his shadows, like water in a sieve.

The boy's purple eyes reflected shock and he panicked, flapping futility, trying to force himself up into the arms of the sky. His fall did not stop. The wind raked up against his skin with a violent hiss, howled in his ears, and did not answer him when he called out to it with his wings. He was broken, damaged and he realized that he would die because the sky had rejected him.

And that caused him to do something desperate. He stretched out his body as far as it would go, feeling the wind stumble over his wings and slow him a little more. And he flipped, using what little command his broken black arms still had over the air to carry him up into a long leisurely loop.

It had the desired effect, it slowed his fall a little more and changed the angle at which he was to crash land. Swallowing his fear he swung his legs down as the ground speeded toward him and waited for the landing to break all the bones in his body.

"Un."

He heard something over Subaru's screams and a flash of bright red, like the sky had been slashed and the cuts were bleeding red starlight. Something scooped under his torn wings and held them up. He saw the ground and on it the reflection of a mark that was instantly recognized. But he could not, at that time, grasp the significance of the symbol. His feet touched the surface, but he was still going to fast and he stumbled and skidded across the ground. The flesh of his shoulder grinding against the cold unforgiving stone, the feeling of blood soothing the scrapes...

The red light withdrew slowly and his wings burned where their touch had been. But he could not scream in pain, he could not breath. His eyes grew wide and his pupils small as he felt like an egg that had been cracked. His insides spreading out like liquid and soaking into the ground.

He was not bleeding that bad ... he was not injured that badly. So why did he feel like he was melting?

"Kamui!" Subaru fell to the boy's side, Seishirou looking curiously over his shoulder.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" the Sakurazukamori asked calmly.

"The seal's breaking," Subaru breathed. "We have to get him home, fast."  
------------

Subaru shook his head, his hands hovering above the boy's back. "I don't understand it ... the seal's been disturbed."

"The seal?" Seishirou asked. It was the second time Subaru had use that explanation and it still didn't make any sense to the Sakurazukamori. "Seal on what?"

Standing quietly at the front door, trying to stay out of Subaru's way as best he could in the close quarters of the apartment's livingroom. He looked as impassive as ever, save for a few odd features in his face. The thin frown that stood in for the ever present smiles, a slight barely noticeable crinkle in the brows, even a dark look in his shade shielded eyes. It was impossible to tell whether he was sincerely worried or whether the act had become so natural to him he did not even notice it anymore.

"Aa, he's so strong ... the seal I used to forge his wings is very sensitive to onmyoujitsu ... it's degrading quickly."

"Can you fix it?"

The Sumeragi looked down, a soft sigh shaking his form. "I have no choice but to try ... he's dying Seishirou, the power will rip him apart..."

The boy moaned almost in response, not a pleasant moan by any stretch of the imagination ... but a great inhuman shriek of pain. His hands were wrung so tight they looked almost like an eagle's claws posed to snap up a meal. His eyes were open but completely unseeing, deep purple retreating to even deeper shades. Above all his body was quivered and more violent spasms sometimes caused the skin to awaken with jolts like flinches.

"What do you need?"

Subaru hadn't heard him, "I didn't think using onmyoujitsu in his presence would ... I figured it would have to be used on him directly ... but maybe--"

If realizing it disturbed Seishirou any, he did not show it. If he felt any ounce of regret, guilt or sorrow over the fate that had befallen the small creature there was no one who would have noticed it. "Subaru-kun," He said firmly. "You have a teenage boy dying on your couch, do you think it's wise to go into this now?"

Subaru's seemed younger than Seishirou had ever seen him. He looked up with a mixture of pain, intense guilt, and fear polluting his dark green eyes. The Sumeragi was not hopeless, be he appeared to believe that. Like he was somehow being punished through the torment of that boy. When he realized the wisdom of Seishirou's words he blinked it away, replacing them with the cold shields Seishirou had come to know from the man. There was no time to mourn over mistakes made. "You're right ... stay close I may need your help."

Rocky twisted with a cragging sound in the back of his throat. His nails dug into his own flesh as if trying to rip it away and release the pressure stirring inside him. Seishirou did not blame Subaru for his reluctance, it was a horrifying sight ... even for his eyes.

The Sumeragi, however, was unusually calm. Gently he placed his hand on the creature's arm and smoothly moved it away so that the hand could not claw at the skin anymore. He breath carried soft words that were not of any spell but soothed the boy all the same.

Seishirou was not sure how he did it, but Subaru managed to calm the child until he was lying still upon the couch, only his gentle breaths disturbing his silence. The Sumeragi began preparing the proper wards, the soft rhythm of his voice never once faltering from its secular chant.

"It's okay Kamui, we're here, we're here..."  
------------

"Back so soon?" Seishirou hummed, glancing at his watch. "You have a good eight hours left."

"Aa," Subaru said coldly. "He's gone, you've won."

"Of course I did." Seishirou had a smug look about him, unfazed by his partner's clear resentment about the way things had been carried out. He stood tall, long black coat playing in the breeze, dark sunglasses covering up the excited twinkled in his eyes, feather fine black hair dancing, and for once-- although it certainly fit the image-- he was not smoking. "Well aren't you going to ask?"

The onmyouji was sincerely confused, "ask? ask what?"

"Why I hurt him," Seishirou offered smoothly.

"You...?"

Seishirou smiled, eternally amused. "He didn't tell you?"

"No..." Subaru frowned. "Tell me what?"

"I have a present for you," Seishirou shifted gracefully, his smile not faltering for even a second. He had the air of ecstatic pleasure about him, the kind so drugging not even reality can dissolve it. A wash of relief and anticipation from finally being granted one most important wish. His hand disappeared into his coat pocket, pulling out a small object he had wrapped in a handkerchief. He coaxed open the white blossom with his fingers, drawing a long black cord from it and slipped that around Subaru's neck.

Subaru's hand touched the warm plastic. He had eyes that swelled with the past as his fingers moved lightly over the brown stains on the familiar token. "This is.."

"She was wearing it the day I kill her."

"You kept it ... all this time?" Subaru looked up with his incredulous eyes, understanding the significance of it as only Subaru could.

Seishirou shrugged, "Aa ... I was ... concerned that you'd learn of it before this day came. So I had to make sure he didn't remember."

The green eyes flinched at the words, and they left the gift Seishirou had given to meet the patient gold and ivory colors of the Sakurazukamori's. "You..." Subaru breathed. "You would have killed him."

Seishirou looked unconcerned by this obvious detail. "Well how was I suppose to know not to use onmyoujitsu on him?"

"But ... you would have done it anyway. Even if you knew."

"Perhaps, I'm surprised he didn't tell you." Then he laughed without a care in the world, and cheerfully added, "I should have given Rocky-chan more credit."

"Seishirou-san ... you lied to me. You've never really lied to me before."

It was true. Mislead, yes. Dodge questions, yes. Betrayed his trust, most certainly. But lied? Never. He had spun a web of jokes that admitted the truth and teasing that could not be weighted as honest, and deceived without ever saying anything that was not true. He had never lied, nor broken a promise to Subaru.

"It doesn't change anything does it?" Seishirou remarked. "I'm sorry I broke my promise ... but even that doesn't change anything. It may hurt to know it, and your dear little flying rat may cry because of it. But whether or not it happened, and whether or not I'm sorry it happened, and even whether or not it was inevitable ... none of this makes any difference in the end. Does it? Subaru-kun?"

The onmyouji looked away, his hand clutching at his sister's cross-- now his. "No," he sighed. "We'd still be here, you would still try to kill me and I would still try to stop you."

Seishirou's hand touched his own, asking permission to touch him. Permission which Subaru granted without a single thought or hesitation, sliding his hand into Seishirou's hold and watching curiously as Seishirou raised it to his lips and softly kissed the scars he had put there years ago. Seishirou's eyes looked up at Subaru's, a carnal excitement flowing through even the dead white one. His lips ran over the knuckles gently before allowing the hand to slip away.

"Well ... shall we get to it then?"  
------------

Subaru came home with blood on his hands.

And washed it off in the kitchen sink before going to bed.

It was of a considerably late hour, he had not expected Rocky to be awake.

In his room ... well yes he had kind of expected that. It had been happening more and more lately.

They were alone again, with the whole story finally told. They were alone again.

This story started out with two people alone, now it is here again with two people...

Alone.

Rocky had been waiting up for him, he cheeks were streaked with faint red trails ... evidence that he had been crying. Subaru's hands were also tainted with red trails ... evidence that someone had bled tonight. Blood and tears, perhaps even tears of blood. Did the two things lie so close together that they left the same burns on the skin? A faint trace of red.

His voice was so flat and cold, one could skate across the surface. "What are you doing up?" Subaru asked curiously.

"Waiting for you." His voice was quiet and soft and ... dying. Like someone who was handing himself over to his own execution.

"It's almost dawn," Subaru yawned. "Couldn't it wait until morning?"

"I'd prefer it this way," the boy mumbled.

"Well ... what is it?" He tossed off his jacket and moved towards the closet.

"I--..."

The Sumeragi rested his coat on a hanger and looked back over his shoulder. The creature had reclined onto his arms and kept his eyes away-- finding fascination in the corners and edges of Subaru's room. His feet were tapping the air nervously, only a small distance between them. They froze at the onmyouji's stare and one leg slide softly across the bed away from the other. Rocky looked up briefly, licking his lips in an attempt to be deceptive. But his eyes could not conspire, they betrayed him and were terrified.

"Oh," Subaru thought. "Interesting..." He replaced the hanger and closed the closet door.

"You can ... if you want to."

Subaru's hand remained pressed to the sliding wood panel door. He did not turn around. "What makes you think I want to?"

"I thought that..."

The boy looked down again, eyes filled with a harsh bitter shame that even the blood tears could not ease. He was offering Subaru not just the shelter of his body but of his very soul. He had settled, if Subaru would share nothing else with him ... he might share the pain, the guilt, and the suffering. Bringing two to bear the burden, if Rocky could have nothing else. He was offering Subaru the only thing he could if his love could not heal the scars life had inflicted, that Subaru could use his skin to bury his secrets in.

Subaru climbed up on the bed.

Those terrified eyes grew even more afraid and the boy scooted back to make room for the Sumeragi. Subaru looked down at him with a cold, contemptful stare and stalked towards him until he had pushed the boy to the head board. Rocky's back leaning up against it and practically sitting on Subaru's knees.

He was trembling as Subaru touched him, side of the hand lightly curving over the cherub like face. Bright violet eyes drifted shut and the face turned away-- wishing it to be over as soon as possible.

"What makes you deserve this punishment?"

Rocky looked up and smiled tenderly at the onmyouji. His eyes were no longer scared, simply sad. "I did the most horrible thing Subaru, I destroyed that which I love the most. Not directly, but I watched it die and could do nothing to save it. I deserve the worst of your treatment..."

"That's disgusting," Subaru sneered. "You couldn't help because I didn't allow you to."

"Maybe," the boy looked off to the side weakly. "But this is all I have left. I keep thinking that maybe ... if you gave me some of the pain and I could satisfy you somehow then--"

"Then what?" Subaru demanded angrily. "You think I'm just going to wake up tomorrow knowing that I hurt something innocent and just be okay with that?"

For a brief moment Subaru wondered if the child really understood the meaning of those words. He wondered if Rocky had noticed the blood stains on his hands, and then really understood the difference between this and that.

"I'm not innocent Subaru. I hurt you ... I thought that-- I hurt someone who showed me nothing but kindness. Someone who suffered to make me happy. I was stupid Subaru, I knew that staying with you would only hurt you ... but I didn't care. I kept harboring a hope that maybe, maybe if I tried hard enough I could help ... just a little. I tried to leave, I really did ... I thought that since I hurt you, since you had to suffer for me-- if you hurt me, if I suffered for you ... maybe things _wouldn't_ be okay ... but at least you'd be avenged."

"Avenged?" Subaru repeated, his hand ran up the boy's thigh-- lifting the leg to his shoulder. The boy shuddered at the touch. "Is this the proper vengeance? What makes you think I deserve vengeance Kamui? I too am not innocent, I have hurt you-- but if you will not accept the truth in that, I have also betrayed my sister."

"Betrayed?"

"My sister died so that I could live and achieve the perfect happiness so few people can. But even failing that she just wanted me to be happy, which I am not. I make myself suffer. I have betrayed her and the sacrifice she made for me. What is there to avenge Kamui? What is there here that deserves vengeance?"

There was a long silence in which Subaru's hand stroked the boy's knee softly, his lips kissing the ankle and moving up the demin clad leg. He was not rejecting the proposal yet, simply asking Rocky to give him a reason to do it. Stroking his knee, cheek pressed against the young tender calf ... thinking, watching, considering things.

"Subaru, I can't bear to watch it anymore and yet ... I can't look a way either. Please... Please ... do whatever you want with me."

Rocky slide up into Subaru's lap and his hand nervously began unbuttoning the Sumeragi's pants.

His fingers were cold as they slipped around Rocky's thin wrists-- gripping them tightly to stop their movement. His face Rocky could not see, but his cheek brushed against the boy's ear as he spoke. "No ... I love you too much for this ... Go to sleep."

A startled gasp erupted from Rocky's throat and he pulled back with disbelieving eyes. "But ... you?"

"Shhh..." Subaru placed his finger to the boy's lips. "Go to sleep," he repeated.

"Subaru ... I--"

The Sumeragi smiled, "whatever I want remember? Now got to sleep."

Rocky could only stare at Subaru as he rose from the bed to change out of the clothes that had been soaked with death. His eyes drifted away from the shadowy figure undressing before him. "Should I go?" he asked weakly.

"Whatever you prefer," the onmyouji grunted.

"Because it doesn't matter to you?"

"No," Subaru nearly whispered. "Because I like having you here, but I would never ask you to be here."  
-------------

"Neh Subaru?" Rocky yawned, shifting in the onmyouji's arms and poking his shoulder.

"Hmmm?" Subaru crackled one sleepy eye open. "What's the matter?"

"It's almost two!" the boy chirped, positively scandalized that the Sumeragi still wanted to sleep.

"So? I didn't get home until well after four last night."

"Neh, neh..." the younger boy poked him in the ribs. "Get up and I'll make you breakfast."

Subaru smiled, "Is that a threat? You're going to ravage my digestive track with your cooking?"

Rocky stuck his tongue out in response. "Come on, we can't sleep all day Subaru-chan."

One eyebrow lifted a green eye open. "What did you just call me?"

"Su-ba**ru**-chaaaan!" Rocky giggled and snuggled closer to the Sumeragi.

An irritated sigh, "I shouldn't have told you."

"Eh? Why not? You meant it right?" large hurt violet eyes waited on his reaction.

"Yes but now you're going to be obnoxiously cute about it and ruin the depressive funk I've been enjoying for ten years."

Rocky grinned and kissed Subaru on the cheek. "That's right, now ... what do you want for breakfast?"

"Misery," the Sumeragi smirked.

"Nope, sorry ... don't serve that here." Rocky hummed as he hopped out of bed and trotted off to the kitchen.  
-------------

Subaru had no intention of giving the Tree what it wanted.

In fact, he was so annoyed that it even asked for it, he had a significant amount of trouble feeding her. Every life he took, reminded him of that request that the Sakura still insisted upon.

"I don't want this," the Tree complained over what was her last meal.

And that was the last straw for Subaru. He had taken a life ... a life that was now being wasted.

He didn't come back to Ueno Park. He ignored her when she called.

Even when she begged.

Even when her voice sounded like a great moan of human suffering and she apologized and asked for blood-- anyone's blood would do-- he did not answer her. It was not because she had asked, he had to be stupid not to know she would, it was because she had wasted something. And he had never know the Tree to be wasteful. It was the one thing that made surrendering to it tolerable. That it was the way of things-- something died so that something else could live. That each life he took was never in vain but to preserve something of beauty. Some times he wondered if he was preserving the Tree because it was Seishirou's ... because it was, in a sense, Seishirou himself.

It seemed silly to say that he was mad at her for not respecting him. But it was the truth. He sacrificed for that Tree, he killed for her. And with every death he gave up a little more of the beauty that Seishirou had loved, perhaps even Seishirou's love itself.

And when she stirred with an ungrateful demand to meet what he had brought her ... it was an unforgivable offense.

Weeks passed ... then months and the voice grew loud, angry, filled with fury and a promise of the full force of her wrath at a later time. But this did not even scratch upon his resolve, something the Sakura failed to realize. Everyone he loved, save for one, was in that tree ... there was nothing, no torment, nor death, nor punish she could put upon him.

And finally the voice realized and became scared. Until it was a meek 'Subaru?' across his senses.

It was a soft, timid voice ... of one who needed his protection.

It was Kamui's voice he heard.

And every time he closed his eyes at night he saw those wide purple eyes sparkling with unshed tears, hands clutching at the Sumeragi ... begging. In pain indescribable in human language. Every part of that image begged at his heart to end his absence from the hunt.

Please, please you swore you'd take care of me, you swore you'd protect me always.

He thought that he could make the one person he still cared for, the only one left from those he loved, happy He watched the smiles replace the tears and grow in number. He watched the boy buzz about happily and begin to consider the prospect of school. He smiled when the boy weakly inquired about onmyoujitsu and wondered out loud if Subaru would teach him some.

Please ... Subaru?

And the voice continued, softer, more pathetic with each day. Until finally he could take it no longer.


	14. Chapter 13

Please... 

It's cold here, I'm so scared.

Please...

I'm hungry ... It hurts Subaru, it hurts so badly.

Subaru...

Subaru...

Please?

His fingers scraped up against his temples. "No, stop it. I'll burn you down damnit. I'll choke your roots and strip you naked of your bark if you don't stop it."

"You love me," the Tree insisted.

"I do not ... I hate you. You are the only thing I hate in this world."

"That is not possible," she corrected. "You love me because I am him ... The Sakurazukamori is not the protector of me, it is me. He was me and you are also me."

It was true, but it was also true that Subaru hated the Tree. He was capable of it because he hated himself. And he would destroy her, because she had stunk her roots into every part of him and was ripping him to shreds with her seductive call.

"Subaru ... bring me blood."

"No." His voice shook, gripping at the thin trunk of a sapling he tired to calm himself. Tired to separate his desires from hers so that he might gain a little more will to fight against her. Stumbling aimlessly down the streets of Tokyo. He worried about the stress of her calling and felt it was wise to get as far away from what she wanted.

When he looked up he realized he was in Ueno Park. Had he walked here without knowing it? She had brought him here as easily as if she was leading him leashed like her mutt. "You cannot control me..."

"No more than you can control yourself."

"I'll end this right now if you don't stop."

"Subaru..."

There it was again, that voice that pleaded in tune with the ache in his heart. He threw his hands over his ears as if the sound was one that could be shut out.

"Subaru..."

He gritted his teeth and forced every sense inside, "no."

"Subaru?"

There was a touch on his shoulder and his mind jolted awake with a startled gasp. His eyes met a soft purple gaze saturated with concern. Innocent eyes that did not understand what they were seeing, framed by waves of smoky hair, and sheltered by pale skin as soft as the Sakura pelts that haunted their dreams.

"Subaru?"

Subaru ran his knuckle down the boy's cheek. Was this real? Or had he simply gone so insane that he could not tell the difference anymore? "Kamui...?"

The boy nodded, cocking his head to the side curiously. "Subaru are you all right? Should I go get a doctor?"

"Normal people don't have the will to wish harm upon that tree. And if they did the Sakurazukamori will kill them," Subaru was reminded.

"I'm fine," he told Kamui, trying best to force a convincing smile on his face. A smile that soured with pain as he asked, "what are you doing here?"

The boy looked more confused than concerned, he shook his head casually and brushed some of the fallen petal off his wings. "I ... well I could hear you calling me..." he scratched his head lazily. "I really don't know what to think of it."

"You are the Tree, you are me ... I am you. And no matter what, if you possess the will to harm me the Sakurazukamori will protect me." The Tree's word were soft and loaded with a deep excited hiss. "The Sakurazukamori will kill you."

"You wouldn't," Subaru breathed, his eyes broken and wide ... staring dumbly at the face of the only one he had left. His heart was broken and battered beyond recognition, but there was some warmth his heart still held for that creature. He wasn't even sure he'd call it love, but it was the only emotion he had left in his heart. The only thing that was left.

"He doesn't have the will to defy me because he doesn't have the heart to defy you and you and I are the same."

"Subaru?" Kamui blinked. "I wouldn't what?"

Subaru felt the collapse, slowly like a tiled floor in his mind was falling to darkness and shadow row by row. He had no will to run anymore, he didn't know how to fight anymore... He wanted to protect this thing, but he didn't even know how to do that. What should he protect this boy from? The Sakura or himself? Or were those two things really one in the same?

He was crying. Subaru wasn't aware of much, but he was aware of that. The tears running down his own face. He had not really cried since Seishirou died.

The boy was on his knees now, holding Subaru close ... free enough from the Sakura's whisper to be frightened by the Sumeragi's behavior. "Subaru? Subaru? What's the matter? Subar--"

"Kamui ... I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry," he whimpered before the boy's body was shot back violently. He saw the creature's eyes freeze in purple-iced shock as powerful wards rammed him into a nearby tree. It was not "the" tree ... but they were not far from her either. He could feel her pleasure, and for one brief moment he didn't care how sickening this madness was.

"Seishirou-san ... I finally understand now ... and I forgive you," he whispered softly before he raised his attention to the creature floundering up against the hold of his wards. "Kamui..."

Kamui's eyes trembled, his breath hissing between his gritted teeth as he tried to free himself from the embrace of Subaru's power. "Subaru what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Kamui ... I never wanted it to be like this." He walked casually up to the boy, his fingers sliding up his tender neck and around the throat. The creature's eyes were transfixed with terror and unable to do anything but stare deftly and wait for his fate to be revealed.

The wards were tight around him, flexible but hard like stone walls. "Subaru ... please just tell me why..."

If Subaru wanted to condemn, to blame him, to hate him and kill him. Kamui could accept this, perhaps even embrace it. But he needed to hear it. He needed Subaru to say it.  
----------------

Sleep was silent and dim. The soft purr of evening rolling over his senses as he awaken, the fragile edges of events interrupted by sleep floating softly in his mind. Waking up alone and slightly disappointed that sleep had stolen him away from Subaru's touch. Although he was, and perhaps would always be weary of the touch, afraid of the touch, even resistant to it ...after it was over he could only look on it fondly. The soft fingers moving along the lines carved into his back, following along the complicated patterns and making the wings buried beneath the skin stir with delight.

He bit his lip and listened to Subaru's gentle breathing. The young Sumeragi's fingers tracing feathers lightly.

"Does it hurt?" he had asked. Of this Kamui could not form an honest reply. Did it hurt physically? Not like pinch or a hit would. But the tension as his wings responded to their creator sent tremors up his spine. And those were as painfully as they were pleasant. The black shadows ached, nearly throbbed in his back, begged to be released and be touched.

Did it hurt emotionally? Yes, it hurt every fiber inside of him. Clear waters of desire muddied by events of things gone by. There was a time when he would have loved any touch Subaru gave him. Now ... he wasn't sure anymore. These touches, gentle strokes across his back were pleasant but they were also too painful to endure.

It was okay, he had told himself. It was okay that they would start slow, with soft innocent touches that lead to nothing else. Healing was a tedious thing, slow and impolite. Unforgiving in its very nature, unwilling to meet deadlines or make concessions. Healing followed its own timeline, untouched by one's wants and hopes.

Subaru did not stop suddenly, merely slowed his hands out of the action, until they sat unthreateningly on his knees and the tense anticipating had released the muscles in Kamui's back. "I'm sorry," he said politely. "I didn't mean to--"

Be a complete and total cock tease.

Kamui turned his head and smiled at the onmyouji, a smile perhaps a little weary. Getting used to being touched was always an exhausting ritual for him, even if there was nothing to be afraid of. "It's okay."

It was amusing that Subaru was apologizing for being erotic. Amusing that the subtle arousing movement of his hands was entirely by accident. That Subaru never intended for the gesture to carry that kind of implication.

Kamui yawned, he nose twitching slightly like a sleepy puppy's would have. He settled back into the bed again and to his surprise, fell asleep.

To wake up a few hours later like he was, with the sun setting on the far outskirts of the city and alone.

At the time he thought nothing of it. Subaru was Subaru, he came and went without any notice what so ever.

"Kamui..."

After the fact he would wonder why he did not question the voice that called him. There was so much that was odd about it after all. The fact that his ears heard nothing but his body felt the call running so softly across him that none of his many sense could pin it down properly.

"Kamui..."

And much later he would recall that the voice reminded him of Subaru, but it smelled funny to him. Familiar, but unplacable ... like both the Sumeragi, the late Sakurazukamori and a dozen other things unidentifiable to him at the time. And as he reflected on this afterwards, he would wonder why he never made the connection.  
-----------

"You understand it now don't you Subaru-kun? I really do love you. I can't love you and have you marked as my property."

"So release the spell," Subaru said firmly, holding out his scared fists.

Seishirou chuckled, "I can't do that."

"And why not?" A suspicious look hardened the Sumeragi's features.

"Because, I wouldn't even know how to. It doesn't exactly work that way you know, once things are set into motion ... they have to be seen through."

Subaru frowned, his black hair brushing over his eyes with a defeated sigh. "So then ... the only way to set me free is to kill me..."

Seishirou shrugged, "it's a bit more complicated than that. But I'm sure you'll know what to do when the time is right."

"And if I don't?"

Seishirou frowned, mumbling almost too softly for Subaru to hear. "Well then ... things are about to get quite messy."  
-----------

Subaru's grip tighten on the boy's throat as he struggled against the trunk of a tree, whose fall leaves hung down menacingly. And Subaru smiled-- feeling the nearby Sakura's anticipation in the air.

Kamui choked and struggled up against the rough bark of the chamomile, his back litter with tiny scratches. The Tree could sense his blood in the air, and reached out to them both from it's prison deep in Ueno Park. Beckoning them forward.

Subaru for his part, ignored her. Stepping in closer, his body pressed against his prey as he twisted under him. A soft whimper escaped from Kamui's lips as he fought for every breath against Subaru's grasp. His eyes were flooded with tears and cracked with betrayal upon guilt. Subaru chuckled.

He loosen his grip a little, causing Kamui to gasp suddenly as air flew into his lungs with ease, and then pressed their lips together-- taking full advantage of Kamui's open mouth. Kamui tried to squirm away in disgust, but there was no where to go. Subaru could feel his confused, panicked eyes darting about with every conflicting thought.

He smirked and run his teeth across Kamui's lower lip as he pulled away. Lifting his other hand to the boy and stroking his hair roughly he asked, "Did you like that?"

Subaru nipped the tip of Kamui's ear, his lips closing over the spot with a soft kiss. Then he moved down to the boy's soft neck. "No," he boy murmured. "No, Subaru please stop."

Subaru bit down hard enough to break the skin, freeing up just a minuscule amount of the boy's smooth blood. Kamui yelped and struggled against the tree truck as if trying to backup further into it.

Subaru's magical sense twitched just before the explosion hit. With tremendous force the strained bonds on Kamui's wings were released and the boy's expansive black shadows batted forward, creating a gust of wind that knocked Subaru away from him easily. And Kamui fell to the ground with a helpless thump.

The sensitive webbing of his wings had been heavily scratched as they ripped passed the bark of the tree. Small trails of dark blood tickled down the smooth ridges and one wing sagged a little as Kamui panted and tried to stand.

Subaru was sitting back on his elbows, looking at him with a decidedly amused grin. He brushed himself off as he reached his feet and took two small steps in Kamui's direction. "That was very cute."

Kamui pushed himself up-- still holding on to the tree for support-- not quite sure what he was suppose to do. He could easily have the advantage in this fight with his wings, but ... this was Subaru. There was something very wrong with Subaru and Kamui wasn't sure whether it would do any good to fight him at all.

Then there was flight. He could take to the skies and retreat for the time being. Until, at least, he had figured out what was driving Subaru to this end.

Thoughts were interrupted as Subaru's finger stroked the furthest edge of his wing. Kamui shuddered, he hadn't realized the Sumeragi was that close and he started to pull back only as that stroke turned into a painful grasp. With a yelp he tried to snap his wing away, only succeeding in pulling Subaru close to him again.

Subaru twisted the wing slightly in an unnatural direction, causing Kamui to cry out and his knees to buckle under the sudden pain. As the boy sank Subaru's swift arm gently scooped under Kamui's waist, supporting him.

"I thought you loved me," Subaru pouted.

Kamui hissed as the pain in his wing burned through fresh nerves. "Subaru... why?"

"She knows why I haven't been feeding her lately, she's a jealous bitch really. Oh she was fine with you when the blood was coming, but as soon as it started to dry up. Well..." he trailed off with a soft smile. "She's been driving me a little nuts lately."

"Who?" Kamui crooked softly.

Subaru tilted his head with an even wider smile. "Tell me Kamui, do you know what the source of the Sakurazukamori's power is?"  
-----------

Loyalty was a cruel thing. He thought about those wide purple eyes, filled with tears. Eyes that bore a pain the boy never should have known. A betrayal that Subaru had looked away from.

It shouldn't of happened.

But it did, Subaru thought sadly. And the truth was it happened because of him. He was the reason such a horrible thing had happened to Kamui. That the boy should have to endure the pain of that ... and he should have almost died because of it.

It wasn't fair.

The soft pads of his fingers brushed across the plastic cross resting on his chest.

It shouldn't have happened.

But it did.

It happened for him. What gave him the right to take so much from people? To make others hurt for his welfare? It wasn't fair ... and it hurt so much to think about it.

Ghostly, he felt Seishirou's finger brush under his eye. He hadn't been aware that he was crying until he felt the Sakurazukamori's skin curving around his cheek, taking away the warm tears. The man smiled softly at him and said nothing, although there were words that certainly needed to be spoken between them ... they would not be said.

Even Seishirou ... even Seishirou. He would kill the thing he had learned to love, suffering in a way no doubt unique to the man. All for Subaru's sake, to set him free.

Subaru hated it. He hated it all. He hated the way people called him "Sumeragi-san" and bowed deeply and gave up extra rooms and food and other courtesies he was forced to accept. He hated the way his sister sacrificed her life for him, when it was she who deserved to live. He hated the way Kamui had to suffer just because he wanted to help someone in pain. He hated the way everyone assumed a good done for his sake. But worst of all ... he hated the way Seishirou was willing to let him go.

Who said he wanted to live?

Who said he had any right to live?

Who said he minded being Seishirou possession?

His heart was full with pain. Guilt ... self-hatred ... pain of seeing the people he loved hurt over and over again for him.

Seishirou's eyes were surprisingly patient. They had after all waited this long had they not? Nearly fifteen years of waiting, perhaps only realizing what it was he was waiting for now. Finally naming the unconscious desire that fueled a decade of distractions.

"Seishirou-san..." Subaru breathed. He was far beyond distraught now, falling into a trance of pure misery. It was a piteous sight, but it pleased Seishirou in ways he could only just barely comprehend. He kissed Subaru lightly on the forehead, a bit surprised when his companion shuddered with an almost pathetic whimper.

"I'm sorry ... I can't..."

Green eyes once reinforced with shields of cool volcanic glass were soft and weak in their stare. It was like the shell of this man was melting off the sixteen year old boy that he had been harboring for so many years. Pain filling those eyes, baptizing them with regained innocence. Perhaps Subaru had never lost his innocence. Perhaps it had just been buried behind all those layers of denial. Denial, rejection, self hate, responsibility, shame ... the facade they had created melted off Subaru's skin as the heat of so much pain caused the innocence to boil.

"It's okay..." Seishirou said softly. His voice sounded almost tender. "It's okay if it's what you want."

Subaru nodded weakly. "I'm so sorry ... but I want it so badly. I can't ... I can't... Not anymore."

"It's all right," Seishirou assured, a small smile on his lips. "I won't think less of you for it ... don't be afraid to ask Subaru-kun."

There were two shuddering breathes drawn before the words left Subaru's mouth, airy and light but carrying with them a strong release. "Kill me ... please..."

Were it not for the tender sorrow that iced the air of the scene, Seishirou might have laughed at the way Subaru chose to pose this request. But the man's fragile emotions demanded a little bit more respect than that. "Of course Subaru-kun ... don't worry everything will be all right."

His arm wrapped around the small of Subaru's back, the Sumeragi relaxing into the embrace without reservation. His body was loose and yielding, bending gracefully as Seishirou lowered him-- a smooth dip in their elegant dance. Seishirou's hand rose, the fingers like the beak of his dark shikigami posed for attack. The piercing magick wrapped around the hand quick, slithering over the the skin hot and heavy like no other substance on earth. It made his skin tingle. It became him, the hand soaking the Sakura's power up like a hungry sponge.

And then it struck.

Subaru smiled, the first -- the last of the truly happy smiles he would ever shed. There was a brief moment when his hope was fulfilled, where the pain floated away like lilies on a stream. One moment when the promise was just within his reach, it was all to end.

No more, no more, no more...

No one would have to suffer for him anymore ... the people he loved would be safe at last, and he wouldn't have to watch helplessly anymore.

No more...

He felt Seishirou's closeness, the man's warmth caressing his skin for that moment. He could smell that musky scent that Seishirou seemed to carry with him and blood. And for a moment, for one precise moment, it was his blood.

No more...

As Seishirou's warmth began to fade away from him he was not frightened, at first. It made sense, he was dying after all. It was when things began to feel solid again and Seishirou soft glow was still slipping through his fingers that he became afraid.

No...

No... I don't want to live... I don't want to come back.

Seishirou-san?

He eyes opened softly, weariness dragging on the lashes and making them feel like threads of lead. "Seishirou-san?"

Then there was blood.

Blood everywhere, the sticky, slippery feeling of it smothering his skin, devouring his flesh, bathing him in it's heat. Disturbingly pleasant. The feeling of a something, hot and water, wrapped so tightly around his arm.

He looked down and his mind frozen with an incomprehensible panic.

No...

No...

Seishirou smiled weakly, his voice softly revealing the nature of Hokuto's last act with light smooth breaths. And Subaru's mind felt like it might be slashed and mangled by the shattered pieces of his heart.

No ... not again. Not this way.

As he gazed down into the thick pools of Seishirou's blood, listening to the soft purr that struggled through the man's every word, his eyes were seduced by the way the light curled in those red pools. And perhaps it was because his own mind had not completely recovered from his own death-- the death that the arms of Hokuto's spell had snatched him away from at the last moment-- but he felt strangely lightheaded.

He watched the faint glow of red and highlight, curling, mating, dancing ... like nature ... like onmyoujitsu..

One side was dark, one side light. The dark represents death, violence, pain, destruction. The light represents life, love, healing, rebirth. They long for each other. They repeal each other. They nourish each other. They complete each other. They balance each other...

He pulled his arm out of Seishirou's chest, barely noticing the man's weak grunt of pain.

Blood...

There was blood all over his hands ... blood. Blood of death, staining his pale skin dark.

A piece of me...

A piece of you...

The blood changed this world and suddenly everything was perfectly clear. Everything was so natural and understood that Subaru could not find words to accurately define anything. He could not tell you what he had to do, he just knew it. Nor was he conscious of what he was doing, he just knew.

Four wards were cast sharply, standing in midair like they were pressed into solid air. Their blue stars glowing softly on the white card as a fierce current of power rose up like blades of water running across the edge of the barrier his wards had sealed.

He felt the strain of the ofuda, he felt the warm misty surge of the power he had invoked without words. The power that blood had given him. Was it blood magick? Maybe. He wasn't sure. He knew that the call came as easily as thirst and that power responded eagerly. He knew that he could no longer feel the shape of his own skin, nor Seishirou's as his arms collected the older man's body. What he could feel was the currents of energy flowing with soothing vibrations around them and indeed through them like a great choking mist. He could also feel the pull of this mist shifting as one of them moved from life into death.

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

His words sent shivers through the currents of power, their movement changing in reaction to his commands. Some flowing away, some flowing closer, forming new currents as apathetically as if the change was a natural shrug.

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

The shift was painful for both of them at first, the energy that composed all life within the barrier tripping and stumbling in the brief moment of adjustment before it's new course became easy and fluid. Release washed over Subaru's body, his mind, however, was immune to it. He felt the wound closing beneath his palms and was aware of very little else

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

The wards trembled as something pounded up against their invisible wall. A vicious uncontrolled power lashing against the shields of glass. He scolded himself for paying it mind, he had to keep his focus on what was being done. He had to hold focus until everything had stabilized.

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

He did not anticipate the force her wrath. Nor the shock of her cold claw as it grabbed the base of his mind. The sudden pain was jarring, but not overpowering and he yielded to her hiss

"Mine," she demanded.

"On bandhanaat ... mrityor mukshee--ya ma amrutaat..."

Her influence began to fade, the feeling of icy blades of her influence piercing the back of his neck falling away from his notice.

"On bandhanaat mrityor muksheeya ma amrutaat..."

Then she threw something at him he did not expect and did not know how to respond to.

"Subaru!"

The voice, not quite authentic, sent a shock through him, swatting his mind aside effortlessly. The wards were torn into the strong wind, the barrier ripped through like cloth. And the resurrecting breath of their shell whipped free from Subaru's hold and lashed out into the night.

He felt the cracks as his body returned to his senses. Cracks that manifested in trembles and sobs and a great ache in the scars on his heart. He clung to the body of Seishirou Sakurazuka as the eyes closed slowly and finally.

No...

Something rustled in his mind, and his head snapped to attention, hugging The Sakurazukamori's body almost protectively.

Soft violet eyes. Eyes that devoured all the numerous questions that should have been asked. Eyes that carried a pain not nearly as great as Subaru's own.

Subaru was lost, without a direction to turn to, without even a fragment of a hope. Those soft pathetic eyes took him easily and he allowed them to soothe and seduce him. Even if those eyes were not acting of their own accord. Even if what his exhausted mind surrendered to that night was not the boy before him, but the dark presence that seeped into him like black ink.

"Subaru..."

"I've lost it..." the Sumeragi said, feeling the man's corpse cold in his arms.

There was a balance that was attained that night. Even if it was not the balance that either of them had intended. In order of order to exist, neither yin nor yang is pure. A little dark in the light. A little light in the dark. Subaru taught Seishirou how to love. And Seishirou...

Taught Subaru how to kill.  
------------

Kamui stared at the impressive Sakura tree, impossibly blooming in the middle of fall. This, he thought, this was the source of all this evil? This evil that had stolen his gentle, kind Subaru away?

Subaru wrapped one arm around his waist and nuzzled the boy's neck tenderly. "That's her, the power of millions of souls give strength to her black magick, their blood nourishes her tender blossoms. That's the Sakura."

Kamui shivered, it was beautiful but yet it was cold. The vibrant chill of death like a bubble around it. And familiar. "So it was you..."

"You know, she can't speak, but I can feel her hunger inside of me. An insatiable need that no amount of food can satisfy. Perhaps it wouldn't have gotten so bad if I hadn't gotten so close to you. Perhaps this is what Seishirou-san wanted freedom all those years ago. The demanding, mind numbing hunger."

His other arm closed over Kamui's chest in a soft hug, "It was easy at first to just surrender to it since after Seishirou-san died and the world felt fluid and random. Filled with all these emotions that had no order, no place, no cause nor effect. It was really easy then."

"But then..." Kamui began.

Subaru sighed and rest his chin on the boy's shoulder. "I'm not altogether sure. Perhaps it was inevitable that this ease would only last so long, a consequence of the grieving.. And that once the pain of losing the man I loved so completely dulled and the world shifted back into focus ... I would no longer be able to feed the Sakura so easily. But, no matter ... she seems to believe you're the source of the problem. Or at the very least it's solution."

Kamui turned around, and Subaru's hold over him melted away to accommodate the boy's moment. Subaru was calm now, the dark torturous part of him having faded away. Perhaps it was their closeness to that tree, that she only gently nudged him now instead of pounding away in his skull. She was patient right before the kill.

"I don't understand Subaru, why would you be feeding Seishirou's tree? Your the Sumeragi head..."

"I am both, some sort of pervert hybrid of the two, good and evil." His fingers ran softly under Kamui's chin. "Able to heal your suffering, but also able to cause it. Capable of both the love and the kill."

"Subaru?"

"You know ... I loved him, and when I knew what he was I spent hours planning out all these elaborate ways of destroying this thing... because he only killed to feed it and maybe if he stopped killing, it would be all right to love him."

The Tree softly demanded blood, chanting the thought in sync with Subaru's heartbeat in a soft seductive whisper. It's long elegant branches grew towards Kamui like menacing fingers with long, sharp nails. Petals brushed off into the wind as the tips began to coil around the edge of his naked wings.

A branch tip scraped against the black flesh and with a startled gasp Kamui shot around. His eyes opened fully as his fate finally became clear. "Subaru! No!"

The Tree withdrew slowly under Subaru's glare, he was not done yet and did not take kindly to being interrupted. But it was hungry and grumbled so at the delay. Subaru ignored it.

"I told you there was a system to this. The Sakurazukamori is not a position passed on by bloo--" he stopped himself, smiling bitterly at the irony of those words. "It's not hereditary like the head of the Sumeragi's is. The one who kills the Sakurazukamori is his successor. And you saw it with your own eyes."

Kamui turned around again, throwing a few nervous glances back at the Tree before locking eyes with Subaru. "But Subaru..."

"It's funny, my whole life I've always been owned by something. When I was born I was a Sumeragi, I couldn't be what I wanted to, that was stupid ... well it was stupid, but it was what I wanted and what I couldn't have because it was not what my family wanted. I had to be what they wanted because I was theirs. Even my sister dressed me up like I was some kind of elaborate doll, hers. Then Seishirou-san made me his prey and I was his. Now I belong to this tree ... I have never belonged to myself Kamui. You don't love me, you covet me ... and perhaps there's no difference."

Kamui shook his head vigorously. "I like being with you, as long as I can be by your side I don't care. You don't have to love me, you don't have to be mine ... I just want to be with you, the circumstances of our relationship don't matter to me." He bit his lip. "But, if I could set you free, I would ... just tell me how, and then I'll leave so you'll never have to feel indebted to me."

Subaru smiled, but it was a smile that frightened Kamui. "That's sweet of you, really it is." He rolled his head lightly to the side, his dark bangs brushing across his close eyes and the Sakura branches snapped around Kamui's thin frame, whipping it back to the trunk effortlessly. Then the bonds we so tight around him, like the tree was hugging him close.

Indeed Subaru could almost hear the Tree salivating. Hungry for blood as always.

"Can you kill it Kamui?" he asked curiously. "Right now it wants you a little more than it wants me."

A branch heavy with blossoms scratched down Kamui's bare shoulder, making the tinniest of cuts there. Subaru ran his naked finger across it, intercepting the small drop of blood that had began to run. He held it up curiously and licked that finger clean, "I can see why."

"Are you going to kill me Subaru?"

Subaru shrugged, "It would appear so, although one never knows until it's done. I never intended to kill Seishirou and yet..." He appeared glossed over with nostalgic pleasure for only a moment before he shook the past from him and turned his attention back to the boy before him. "Nevertheless, an answer please, can you kill it?"

Kamui squirmed in the Tree's death grip. The branches tighten and he cried out, feeling as if his bones might snap. Subaru stepped closer, a small predatory glint in his eyes. "I've been thinking about this a long time, I know you told me not too ... but I finally figured out what went wrong before. Do you want to know what it is Kamui?"

"Sure," Kamui grunted. "Seeing as I'm not doing anything." He had to force the words out as the bonds restricted his lungs.

"Surrender. When you fight power with power you will only rep the consequences of war and violence. But when you yield to it, harness the power used against you and redirect it ... you have a give and take, a balance.

"There was a point when I was capable of that, when we both were. He pushed and I accepted it, returning him love which he accepted. For a brief, beautiful moment it worked, and then Kamui it all fell apart." He stroked under the boy's chin. "I think maybe I was too damaged to play the role. I had lost too much innocence with the death of my sister. A weak link in my subconscious that doomed the affair from the beginning.

"But then there's you...

"Can you kill her Kamui?"

"And what if I can't?"

Subaru shrugged, "then I guess you die. I don't really know, why don't we find out?"

He raised his hand gracefully, the branches parting around the boy's chest at his command. Kamui could feel the Tree pushing him forward and holding him still. The more he struggled the more the tension of the branches raped his muscles, growing an elaborate trap around his limbs until he could no longer move anything but his elegant black wing. They struggled up against the Tree's impressive trunk, but there was nothing they could do to free him.

"Subaru..." he looked into those cold green eyes. Eyes that were neither filled with hate nor love. And he wondered why he struggled. Wasn't it fitting that Subaru should kill him? When he had been the one responsible for Subaru losing something so important to him?

His body relaxed in the Sakura's hold, eyes trembling to the pounding beat of his heart-- perhaps its last beats-- breath being drawn in with fearful shudders.

The Sakura's lust was almost overpowering. His senses burned with it as it dripping heavily from every restrain that bound him. The cry of thousand of souls, both a great shudder and rejoice at the approach of the Sakurazukamori. He could sense each one of them like tiny pins across his skin.

Subaru looked reflective for a moment, his eyes drifting closed silently before returning with a renewed sense of loss. Not loss over Kamui's approaching death, but loss over himself. For he could not determine where his thoughts ended and where those of his master's began. Subaru mourned his will to fight. "I'm sorry..." he breathed. "I believe that I probably don't want this to happen, but at the current moment ... the only way I feel you might ever be safe from us is if you're dead. I'll try to let you and your mother go free once it's over ... but I can't promise anything."

His hand rose again, this time calling on the Sakura's dark power.

The spell rippled up against his senses long before Subaru's hand even touched him, an icy force that burned his skin and fought with the souls of the Sakura for dominance over those senses. It was so painful, pressed between the anguish of a history of murder and the aggression of his own soon to be murder. Being squeezed by two forces with intolerable pressure.

The tips of his wings found the bark of the Tree, and his talons cut into the Sakura's soft wood. She laughed at his pathetic attempt to strike back against him and drew those claws deeper into her flesh.

He felt grounded. He felt the Sakura reaching into him, her power seeping through his veins and nerves, flooding his body with herself. He could almost feel her branches coiling around his soul with excited lustful snarls.

It occurred to him just before Subaru struck, that if he closed his eyes and just stopped fighting it, there would be no difference between him and the Tree. Her roots were so deep into him she couldn't possibly pull out in time.

He was the only thing that was standing in between Subaru and the Sakura in fact.

Kamui sighed softly and closed his eyes, feeling the spell raise and coil close to him now. He dug his wing tips further into the Tree, hoping that he was weak enough to do it. It was after all the only thing he could think to do that might make any difference, assuming what Subaru said about his mistake was true.

When it hit, rather than the spell piercing his heart it flowed up through him. It was like being electrocuted, strong currents of power running through his body unresisted as he gave into it. Running up his spine and burning the Sakura's claws sunk deep into him. She hissed and recoiled but his talons' hold kept her from pushing him away.

He let go of the pain, allowed it to wash over him and pour into Tree. Because she had been she eager to draw in his soul, when the spell hit that was siphoned up through her roots instead. And as the seal on his mother's soul began to crumbled he did not try to hold the power inside himself anymore. He let it flow straight through him and into the Tree who drank it foolishly.

He let go of even his own power, his senses quickly becoming numb. The Sakura's wails, the unearthly screams of thousands of souls as Subaru's spell ripped through the magickal bonds holding them at bay, the hiss as the branches around him began tremble than ignite, all seemed very distance. He felt himself drained of everything he held onto and just as he felt his soul slipping away from him too he became aware of a force pushing him away.

There was an explosion as the force of the spell pushing in through him and the force of the thousands of souls pushing out collided. And the trunk of the Sakura screamed, launching him out of her arms.

She burned. Bright flames, glorious flame claimed her lush green leave, delicate pink blossoms and slender branches. The fire consumed her power hungrily, fueling itself and setting a multitude of caged souls to freedom. She burned until her might was only ash.  
------------

Then there was blood.

Kamui rolled out of the flames, soot smeared across his cheeks and exposed skin, smoke choked in his hair, eyes tearing slightly. He coughed out the icky black poison suffocating his lungs, a little burned but mostly unharmed and very much alive.

Then he saw the blood. "Subaru!!"

At first he thought with horror that history had repeated itself. That some bizarre spell had rebounded a death that was meant for him. Or that in one final moment of inconceivable wrath the Sakura had lashed out to claim what belonged to her. But then he saw the blade in Subaru's hand and it smiled at him as it licked the blood from its lips.

"Subaru..." he rushed to the onmyouji's side, gathering him up in his thin arms as if he could hold him together. "Subaru, don't worry ... just hold on I'll go get hel--"

"No," Subaru smiled. "It's okay ... I was so happy."

Kamui's eyes wondered to the massive slash across Subaru's stomach. The wound seemed to steam as if Subaru's life was leaking out of it. And he could not help it, he was crying.

Subaru's fingers brushed up against his cheek, stealing a few tears away. "I'm so proud of you ... don't be sad, I'm sorry. You offered me everything you could ... I couldn't give you more."

"Subaru ... I love you." Kamui clutched at the wound, trying desperately to stop the bleeding.

"Shhh ... not anymore, one shouldn't love a dead thing ... let it go." The Sumeragi's hand weakly wrapped around his wrist and reluctantly ... the boy stopped applying pressure. Kamui looked defeated, soft violet eyes loss in their own waves of dispear. He couldn't bring himself to look Subaru in the eye, those green eyes that seemed oddly quiet and content, because he was still crying and he could not stop the feeling that it had all been for nothing. He had lost everything and he would be in only a few minutes completely along.

He felt finger tips gently on his cheek. "Don't cry..." Subaru whispered again. "I don't want to see you sad anymore."

"I can't help it Subaru... I've got no one left ... I don't want to be alone." He looked up with pleading eyes, "please don't go Subaru!!"

Subaru's smile was gentle and kind and, although trimors of pain shivered through it, Kamui could not help feeling oddly soothed by it. "You don't have to be alone Kamui ... you know that. You just have to let people in."

The onmyouji eyes began to fail him, his vision seeming foggy and losing focus. He pulled the boy closer as the flames of the Sakura silhouetted his image. "I'll ask it now ... stay with me for just a little longer ... I'm cold."

Kamui curled up in Subaru's arms. Blood, ash and tears decorating his light skin. He stopped the tears, brushed away the ash and ignored the warm glow of blood coating his skin. Subaru wouldn't want him to mourn, but he could not help the pain he felt as the light began to fade in Subaru's eyes. The Sumeragi looked weary, struggling to keep awake despite his decision to die. His eyes drifting closed then opening ... a constant fight between a soul that was ready to die and a body that was not willing to give up.

"It's okay," Kamui whispered. "I'll be fine ... go back to where you belong. Go back to Seishirou-san. Maybe one day will meet again."

Subaru smiled, his eyes filled with tears that were neither happy nor sad as his hand stroked the boy's hair tenderly. "I'll miss you..."

Kamui stared off into space as the strokes grew slower and weaker and finally the hand went limp in his hair.

And that was the way they found him the next morning. A fragile youth curled up in the embrace of his beloved.  
----------

"Niichan!!! Oniichan!!!"

The one she called brother so easily popped out from the nest of branches and leaves at her cry. He was hanging upside down from a branch close to the trunk and having swung easily into her view so quickly, she squawked in surprise and jumped back. Curious eyes looked down at her between green leaves filled with a mix of worry and amusement. "What? What's wrong?"

She giggled and hopped up and down as if she could grab him from the tree which was several feet up. "Muuuu!!! Niichan come down here!!!"

He stuck his tongue out at her and snatched her up quickly-- pulling her into the tree with a wave of squeals and giggles.

"NIICHAN!!!"

He cackled darkly and held the child close to his chest. "I have you now. Mwahahahahahah!!!"

She exploded into another fit of giggles, "kowaii!!! ... Neh ... we're really high up..."

"Don't you trust me not to drop you?"

The girl nodded enthusiastically. "Un!"

Her "brother" had a certain affinity for climbing trees. His light body could weave in and out of branches, cutting through the air as easily as if he were running in a field. He could swing and scamper as well as any forest creature. But his soul longed for the sky ... he missed it so much. The cool feeling of flight, being lifted and carried by strong winds, the speed and rush of diving into a pool of starlight... He missed it, but he did not regret being grounded permanently.

"Neh ... niichan, what was my father like?"

He frowned, "I've told you this story before..."

"I know, I want to hear it again."

"Yes but ... three times a day?"

Her green eyes twinkled sweetly up at him. A soft gracious smile sliding onto her face. "Hai! Hai!"

He rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically. "Nevermind that ... I'll tell you again at bedtime tonight, what did you want me for?"

"Ah!" she gasped. "I'd forgotten!! It's dinnertime!"  
----------

He had come to her with the body of her husband. A strange quiet boy who wore the expression of a mourner but had smiles in his eyes. She thought it was odd that this man child should look upon her, upon her daughter and upon the body of her husband with such contentment as if nothing could go wrong in the world anymore.

Her first instinct was one of pity. The boy had been close to her husband. She had heard that they had found him lying next to her husband's body and that he refused to be moved ... insisting that he would not leave the Sumeragi until he was at peace.

"He told me to stay. And I will stay until his body is laid to rest and his spirit is gone from this world."

So on the day the family in Kyoto came to claim the body, they claimed him too. And he did stay with Subaru until the day of the funeral where he released himself from his own chains.

When she had first heard about him, she believed the boy must have been in grave grief, but the young man before her didn't look it at all. He seemed cheerful.

"What is your name?"

"Kamui, Kamui Shirou."

"Welcome Shirou-kun," she bowed politely. "Although I wish we were meeting under somewhat happier circumstances ... how did you know him?"

"Subaru was what I loved more than anything else in the world."

She did not wish to upset him, and did not question it.

"He was happy you know," the boy remarked, the fall breeze sending waves through his hair, his eyes staring out to the horizon. "When he died ... he was happy."

"Was he?"

"Aa."

"And you are happy for him? You are not saddened by his death?"

"No ... I'm not saddened by his death because he was not mine to keep. And just before he died he gained the one thing he'd wanted."

Subaru Sumeragi was owned and had been since before he was born. First by his clan, then by his sister, then by Seishirou, then by the Tree. Someone was always there to tell him how to think, how to act, how to speak, what to do with his life. And although he might rebel, resist, and deny, the protection of these forces always gave him something to fall back on. Subaru hoped for his own life, it was the only thing he ever wanted : to belong to himself.

And as the Sakura burned the last of his chains were removed. But how can a man who has only known slavery live without it? He who had always been a possession knew well enough that this freedom was to be only seconds long.

Rocky was happy because he had finally managed to give Subaru something in return for his kindness. Something that no one else could, not even Seishirou-san.

His freedom.

With his own life finally being offered to him Subaru did the only thing that would make him happy. He took it.  
-------------

"So you'll have to rewrite this."

"No ... I don't think I will."

"Eh? And why not? Not all of it's true..."

"Truths change over time. Stories don't go in straight lines: cause and effect, cause and effect, cause and effect. Nor do they run in circles with one ending the same way it started. Stories are clouds of smoke, circles within lines within circles, order and significance of events only becoming clear after the fact. But it's up to you to unravel the truth, to piece together memories and events in the past and form a story out of it.

"I like this story."

-End-


End file.
